Play Me

I opened up to you
I showed you a part of my life
A fraction of who I am
But you played me like a fool

How can I
Trust you (trust you)
When I am nothing but a joke
A foolish jester in the court

If you wanna play me (play me)
Then go ahead and play
I am nothing but an object of pleasure
A mere tool for your amusement
But if you expect me to trust you again,
Please
Keep on dreaming

Its time to repair my heart
Assess the damage that has been done
Because there is a large hole blasted through my heart
And I don't insurance is going to cover it all

Reenforce my walls
Tighten the defense (the defense)
Because I am going to guard my heart
and then completely shutting you out

If you wanna play me (play me)
Then go ahead and play
I am nothing but an object of pleasure
A mere tool for your amusement
But if you expect for me to trust you again,
Please,
Keep on dreaming

Because I really like you
And I really want you
But if you think its great for you to act like a jerk
You have no objections from me
After all its a free country
I rather be nothing but a tool
Than to fall in love with you.

If wanna play me (play me)
Then go ahead and play
I am nothing but an object of pleasure
A mere tool for your amusement
But if you expect me to trust you again
Please,
Keep on dreaming

Out of Control

Yeah...

In the club now y'all...

It's getting crazy...

Fuck it...

I am gonna go outta control!

Baby tonight I am going outta control
Gonna set my soul
And let it go
Baby tonight I am going outta control
Don't wanna feel no more
Gonna let it go

Tonight is the night, I am going outta control
Fucking in the club with all them hoes
I got no direction
It ain't in my discrention
Roofies given to my homies
Tonight I am gonna lose control

Because I don't care
I just wanna dance
Taking my stride and move to the groove

I don't give a damn
on who you are
Just step behind me and grind grind grind!

Baby tonight I am going outta control
Gonna set my soul,
And let it go
Baby I tonight I am going outta control
Don't wanna feel no more
Gonna let it go

Move it, shake it, shake your ass bitch
I got me some money
You gonna show me your pussy
All I need is your body
Come and sell it to me
Cause I know you a hoe and showing off is all  you got

Move aside, I care of my pride
I am here to find a cutie that's easy
Cause I am a predator
You are my prey
Nothing but a piece of meat
That I am going to enjoy tonight

Baby, tonight I am going outta control
Gonna set my soul
And let it go
Baby, tonight I am going outta control
Don't wanna feel no more
Gonna let it go

So what are we doing here in this club?
Bitches and bastards hanging everywhere
All these losers are depressed destitutes
But I don't care
I just need your body
Cause all I wanna do
Is fuck the shit out of it!!!

Baby, tonight I am going outta control
Gonna set my soul
And let it go
Tonight baby I am going outta control
Don't wanna feel no more
Gonna let it go

Gonna let it go now
Gonna lose control now
We are all nothing but a bunch of sluts

Its so discouraging

Losing four times in a row is seriously what we call demoralizing
With a 5th loss obviously underway
Haha
I wonder how am I going to do well in UKM
Having a bad month right now.
However, life goes on
This darkness shall past
In life we must be resilient
Ready to stand strong like the rocks, being the defense while the waves crash on to us.
We have to be like the little blue penguins at Penguin Island
Strive and beating the waves from the sea
It was inspirational
I loved it
Every time I feel down,
I look back into my memory and think of those penguins.
If those penguins can brace the cold sea waters and the cold night atmosphere, heading towards home.
Then I can at least lead my team and beat my other debaters in school.
I need to work on it
Hard
But I need to make sure that my priorities do not stray.
Financial Information Systems and Law come first
That's my resolve.
For now, all I have to do is hang in there
And when the motion is right
I strike them to the core
Build up matter.
I am resilient
I been through bullies
I been through cowards
I been through non-believers
And I am still standing and proved all of them wrong.
I need to just hang in there on this difficult time.

Busy as a bee!

A lot of you Brendzblog Legionaires have come up to me and said : Brendan, what the F- is it with you and the lack of  blog post lately? How come like this one?

Well, if you have not been involved in my life lately, well then, I think its about time you should let me update you guys about it.

1. School

Duh! I know it has never stopped me before, but school has been pretty hectic lately. With the immense homework of Financial Information Systems, the confusion and lack of attention in Business Information Systems, the huge amount of cases in Law (god forbid, come August, I may have four law subjects panned out and ready) and the dramatic Management classes, its really really exhausting. I know studies have been tough before, but this certainly adds some dimension to it, especailly with BIS and Management.

Plus, I have an essay due to tomorrow, an assignment which I admit I have not been contributing as much as I should aka BIS that requires a freaking interview, and an FIS computerized assignment with Quickbooks which I have not installed yet... yeah... falling behind

2. World Schools Debating Championship

I have to find 22 people to be my runners for this huge championship where all schools in Kuching are coming to compete but this year, a new level has achieved with it going national when a school from Kuala Lumpur is coming in. Not only that, extra people is needed for photography, Masters of Ceremony and food and beverage, me, as the head hunter/ admin guy here is literally running and pushing people to join and condsidering how much input my boss has in my headhunting, I have not been exactly doing an amazing job. In addition of begging people to volunteer, the volunteers have to pay 26 bucks for a T-shirt. And there you go, more headache for me... yay. Especially with a certain guy with a creature living in his hoodie... I know I should not have really pushed him till over the limit but I am desperate, okay. Desperation wins...ish. Now, I am an emcee for this event, whopee, more work for me.

3. Team Drama for Debate at UKM

There is some serious drama for my team at the planning stages for the UKM debate championship held on 7-9 may which I am finally going at 5-10 of May (Chester? Jake? Might see you there? Not debate but KL?) Most probably staying at Bintang Walk, hitting the clubs, getting wasted in the streets like Cabo and what not...  I wonder where is the Curve? Any clue? Anyway, there is huge confusion and worry when two of my teammates (essentially, everyone but me) want reimbursement and both plan to drop out. Which gives Brendan more hysteria! Yay for hysteria! Finally, one says okay but the other drop out which is not a problem for me because even though we were supposed to send a team of three debaters and one adjudicator over, we are sending a total of four teams and its not like the other 3 teams are not sending adjudicators, which they may waive the need for an adjudicator per team rule and my adjudicator wants to debate so, everyone is happy... except the one who can't go. Finally, 3 friends decided to sponsor her and she is going to debate. My ticket is booked and everything is fine and dandy again.

4. Debate

My debate skills are good, if I have someone to lead me. Being a leader for the first time in a debate team and in a major tournament, that is quite a lot of pressure and being in a junior team, we need a lot of work and with the championship coming next month... I hope we can pull it off.

5. Mid terms

I hate mid terms, but they are good indicator whether you need more work or not. With Law and FIS mid terms coming up, I am worried. I dunno if I am able to do well or not, because I want the money that the school rewards to fund me.

6. Stupid laptop

NEC is closing its computer division and guess who has an NEC for a laptop? Obviously it is also possibly time for getting a new one... I really have no idea but its a good push for me to get full HDs. 3,000 is not small you know?

That is all about my life lately and it is time for me to find souces for my essay! Seeya!

The Fucking Thing About Organization and Management

I have this subject that I have to take called Organization & Management in school.
Basically, we have to learn about being in an Organization and learn how to follow and perform Managment in a group.
Seems simple right?
Read the book
Crap shit at the exam
Crap even more shit at the assignments
Crap at the homework even
Hahahaha
If you think Management is that easy...
You are so goddamn fucking wrong.

You see, in every subject... there is always a little snag that will derail your overall performance in the subject.
In econs, I always screw up at midterms
In accounting, I always screw up a question, by question, i mean whole goddamn fucking question that's worth a serious fraction of your overall grade
In marketing, it is always about the fucking assignments
In math, it is my supremely faltering mental arithmetic skills, graphs that look like a five year old drew it and my obvious carelessness.
In O&M, however, its the project team showcase
A major presentation that you do as a class ie organization in the end where you present it to the class
Yay... teamwork...

My experiences in teams have not always been ones that are positive, the only positive ones are where me, Siaw Wee and Belinda are in a group together and that our numbers trump others or something like that.
Basically, us three have chemistry when it comes to working together as a group. Basically, me, working in a group of others includes the others fucking up and me having to do the work for them... ish... okay that was one bad experience... maybe I was being overdramatic and jumping to conclusions again like my dad... scratch that.

Now, in management, you have 22 other strangers that you would have to work and tolerate with in helping you (and them but mostly yourself, seriously, who fuck cares about the stranger's grades) to achieve success.
Seems simple... no?

Yeah right, especially when you have frogs living under wells as teammates and a bunch of silent animals you add into the fray too.

We have basically three groups, the international students consisting of people of Muslim, Hindu or African origins, the juniors and the seniors (me). Juniors and internationals are basically together, we seniors and more specifically me are the outcasts of the group.

So we started thinking about ideas for the showcase when the juniors decide to invent a trash chute. An electronic, trash chute that stores trash on every floor... congratulations. They have made a perfectly simple and normal idea into a keeping yout trash on the side of every floor of the apartment and then releasing the whole shit as once, think pooping but with less friction.

Anyway, I thought their idea was an absolutely stupid one. So I expressed my concerns like a bitch that I am.

So I wanted something different and something new, so I thought since those people are stupid enough to think that they invented the trash chute, why not introduce my solar color changing clothes as a new product instead. So, I told them the idea and add a bunch of other brilliantly copied ideas that I found from the net(what, I was lazy okay, so what if I stole the idea from a bunch of high school children.) Thinking that at least choose all of these ideas instead of the stupid trash chute.

Anyway, in the end, they still stuck with the trash chute... congratulations again. Then, there was this one guy who stood up to me and called me selfish because I want to go everything my way, now being naturally defensive, I tried to cut him off everyway I can and explain, but he cut me off and I took it like a black man forcing his 20 inch dick down my throat till I gagged and sputter where instead of stopping, he pulled it out and stuffed it in again. And no, unless you are some gay size queen, it was downright uncomfortable.

I have never experienced anything like that, how could someone have the gall to call me selfish when the only reason that I am doing this is because I don't want to get low marks for this showcase and am pretty concerned that the idea was conceived by some idiot who is obviously not a reasonably average thinking person. He was concerned about the same thing too. He apologized later but the damage is done... so what to do?

I might be a bit wrong on my part thinking the juniors are made of plain idiots and the internationals are also made of plain idiotsand add a sense of unreliability (except one person that is). Though giving the loud ah beng and ah lians who are blabbing Asian shit and watching CSI in front of my usual backseat  interrupting me and my friends trying to pay attention, listening to lectures. They happen to be juniors and there are a large group of them, I have the right to be seriously concerned, after all, hello? My grades?

It turns out that I was a bit wrong in the sense that I moved on too fast and also forgot about the more important details about the project which is how we function as a team.

So in the end, I caved in. Not the cave in as in I wait for you to fail and then I become the charming prince saving all of you from getting a can of whoop ass but you guys will be my slaves and under my dictatorship form of caving in but the caving as in I let them take the helm and I follow. She is a good leader, a silent bitch but a good leader and she has everyone, including my, support.

I actually learned something from this. Unexpected but learn. I learned that everything does not need to be on me, it does need for me to be counted on and do everything. What I should do, is lay back and relax. Take a better concern about my own health and sanity. So, I have decided to leave it to them, I will do what I am told and do the best that I can to assist. Taking so many things at the frontlines is not good for me, so I let them take the helm. I am relishing control and will try and stop being a control freak, after all, all work and no play, makes Brendan a bitchy boy.