Nothing But Bullshit

Everyone's on a move

Everyone's acting crude

Whatever happen to that saying

About one spirit and one nation

It's never a matter about race

Nor about religion or sexuality

It's about being proud of who you are

Without it defining you

You see them leaders preach

You see those videos sing

For some reason they don't practice what they preach

This is what we call nothing but bullshit

As you see me trying to soar through

Seeping in the cracks and trying to make it big

But there's a lot of bureaucracy and policies

That censors me from being me

I just can't believe

That why the fuck would you censor the word booty? 

This song isn't meant to preach

It's just me expressing myself

I need to have a disclaimer

Unless I want to see myself in a prison cellar

You see them leaders preach

You see those videos sing

For some reason they don't practice what they preach

This is what we call nothing but bullshit

I am just a boy coming to you

From a place where you still think we live in trees

Fact is we are so much better, nicer and understanding

Nah, it's just bullshit to make you feel bitter. 

Call it a song or call it a poem

The labels don't matter my dear people

I am just here having fun

Talking about nothing but bullshit

Boy on the Train

It's a Friday, heading to the weekend

Everybody's waiting for the day to end

Grudging on the line, waiting for the train

I am usually like of of them

But not today

Because today, I get to see you

The boy, on the train

I see your black hair and your sexy brown eyes

I instantly swoon and it makes my day

The boy, on the train

You don't know how much you mean to me

And I don't think you know I exist

But I just wanna say one thing

I hope you notice and like me too

I see you already with your earphones on

Standing on the side acting nonchalant

I could not help myself but wonder about you and me

But as I snap back to reality

You are nothing but

The boy, on the train

I see your black hair and your sexy brown eyes

I instantly swoon and it makes my day

The boy, on the train

You don't know how much you mean to me

And I don't think you know I exist

But I just wanna say one thing

I hope you notice and like me too

I know I am stalking

It is illegal and

if you know this

It will probably make you uncomfortable

But that is why

I stand at the sidelines

Waiting for fate to bring us together

But for now, you are

The boy, on the train

I see your black hair and your sexy brown eyes

I instantly swoon and it makes my day

The boy, on the train

You don't know how much you mean to me

And I don't think you know I exist

But I just wanna say one thing

I hope you notice and like me too

Rise Up

Rise up, rise up, time for a revolution
Rise up, rise up, time to awaken
Rise up, rise up, for a new sensation
Rise up, rise up, it's the signal
For a new Brendan

I was gone and now I am back
Time has passed and nothing lasts
It's time for a new makeover
And the time to take over

Cause when I was down
I had no one
Felt like I was buried (in the ground)
But like a phoenix from the ashes
Rising from my remants
I have finally returned
And now is the time to change so everyone better prepare yourself because...
It's time to...

Rise up, rise up, time for a revolution
Rise up, rise up, time to awaken
Rise up, rise up, for a new sensation
Rise up, rise up, for the new Brendan

Hail to your renewed king
Let me hear the sirens sing
Celebrate my coronation
And prepare for new resolutions

This ain't no fluke
I am no longer a duke
I am a leader in my own realm (like Odin of Asgard)
They better watch out
They better beware
I am out for blood
And there is no mercy, no kindness and no remorse because
I am going to

Rise up, rise up, time for a revolution
Rise up, rise up, time to awaken
Rise up, rise up, for a new sensation
Rise up, rise up, for the new Brendan

In my depression
I realised that there is no one there for me
When I was broken
I realised that no one cares about me
When I looked up
I realised that there is no one to help me but myself
So fuck friends, fuck God,
I only trust and believe in me
I am my own strength
I am my own faith
And now it's time to

Rise up, rise up, time for a revolution
Rise up, rise up, time to awaken
Rise up, rise up, for a new sensation
Rise up, rise up for the new Brendan

It's been a while...

Why hello there, Brendzblog Legionnaires. Yes, it certainly has been quite a while since I posted something for all of you. Things have been somewhat happening. Here is the DL

One: Australs Debating Championship

Yes, I went to Australs, didn't do as well as I expected. As my growth as a debater and an adjudicator has probably met with some obstacles. I certainly realized that I can be better if I have a more experienced team. I find myself leaning towards the fact that I do better if I have people giving me input and work with me. My team does not do that, trust me. Loads of kinks and amateur mistakes were made. Given the fact that there was 3 wins, which is not bad considering a team that was essentially spelling chaos from the beginning, I am somewhat happy and satisfied. However, I certainly did not regret going to Australs. Met great people and hopefully, I get to meet them again.

Two: Graduation

Well, college life is going to be over, whether I like it or not. It certainly is a great time in my life. I certainly hope that there are greater moments that will come. However, I am not the kind of person that reminisce the past, I have to move forward and see what life takes me.

Three: Identity crisis

I have been going through a sort of an identity crisis and I guess I have been undergoing it quite a while. It's certainly a huge change when in the past, I know who I am and I know what I want. But now, things are getting so blurry that I cannot identify who I am as a person any more. I feel like I am losing a part of myself somehow some way. This has definitely been a challenging year for me. I certainly do hope that my path is straight once more. Don't worry, I noticed that I have lost my edge, so yes, I shall regain it again.

Four: Writing

Starting writing stories and now back to a block. I hate myself sometimes.

Five: Romance

What is that?

Six: Berlin Worlds Universities Debating Championship

Let me just say this. There is always politics when something as grand as this is at stake. It's never about sending the best, it's sending who they think is best. Looks like Europe will have to wait.

Seven: Networking

I hate it. I really really hate it. It's so fucking fake.

Eight: Location after graduation

Current plan? What plan? I am a dandelion in the sky. Floating, wandering. Aimlessly with the direction of the win.

Nine: Dogs

I miss my dogs, my babies.

Ten: You guys

Thanks for 6 years of dedication and reading through all my crap. Well, almost six. Six in August though, so that must be very exciting, haha. Anyway, yes. I promise I will pop in from time to time. Although it's frequency, I am certainly quite unsure of. Till then, XOXO.

Depressed

Things are not going as planned.
Haven't felt this down in a while
I have to say
Nothing interesting so far happening in my life
I guess I am slowly weaning off blogging.

Looking back, I have more friends now than before
I have very close friends who I miss almost everyday and are practically family.
I was busy with school and clubs.
Now, I actually have a lot of free time
But rather plan on staying home...
I don't know.
Felt like this shouldn't happen.
Its a challenging year for me.

Final year of study
Contemplating on whether to ever get this stupid accounting degree to good use
Whether will I ever make it in Hollywood when I am in actuality in the wrong country
Wrong career path as well by the way.

I wouldn't lie, I don't have friends in Australia here.
I am alone
It's tough sometimes you know
Knowing that friendships take time to grow and shit.
That this will take a while
Darn.
People have life and roots here, everything is so rooted and stable there.
It's hard for me to break in even.
Well, mainly because no one's been going through drama and shit yet.
I guess I probably have to put myself out more.

I need to be more comfortable here
I need to make Sydney my temporary home
It's not where I belong
But I need to make myself feel like I belong, just for a while.
Save enough cash and make that break.
Thing is
I want to do it
Why am I not doing it?

Asian Drivers

Kuching is not safe any more. It is no longer the quaint, polite and quiet small town that it has used to be. This is because of the presence of drivers who no longer care about the simple courtesy and safety of others on the road. The town that used to pride in hospitality and politeness has become an equivalently uncaring Asian city that is even more depressing by the lack of decent shopping malls. 

Motorcycles now hog the center of the road rather than allowing cars to pass through. Cars speed and shift between lanes repeatedly like they are racing while trying to overtake others. People do not use the indicator to indicate that they are changing lanes or turning in. It is common for someone to drive the wrong side of the road to get to a certain area because it's 'faster'. Traffic lights that were meant to regulate traffic and ensure the safety of all road users are now nothing but glorified colourful lamp posts. People now use the flash instead of the honk for some reason. The worse of all is when people try to take justice into their own hands by dangerously risking their lives and others by doing illegal manoeuvres just to punish someone. 

Most of you probably think that I am just being ridiculous or its just a concern from some faux intellectual that tries to be smart and show off his 'powderful England.' This is however, serious. I don't feel safe driving in Kuching roads. I actually hate driving period. If given what I wanted, I would actually buy myself a tank and cruise down the roads, knocking everything away in my path. Sucks to be you, the driver who has to suffer from my tank. At the very least, I know, I am safe.  

Bringing Back the Debate

I guess you can call it a comeback.
I have decided to make a comeback and head back into debating
Things is, the whole experiencing World Universities Championship in Berlin sounds very tempting
So I have indeed decided that I should go back to debating for one last hurrah
I am graduating next year and I want to make my final year memorable
Although it is going to be tough with new subjects that are obviously more difficult than ever
Adding towards juggling a new job in tow
Plus, my commitments to my first love in theatre.
I guess, next semester will be a wild one.
More updates soon, I promise :)

The Bitch is coming back

Sydney is fun, it is awesome here.
Although, yes, I do admit that my social life has not been exactly flowering the way I think its supposed to be with constant parties and stuff.
I felt that I do indeed made progress in what as I feel to be possible blooming of friendships.
Although I still want to have fun,
I do believe that it is time that I am going to have to take my life seriously.

I guess... maybe its time that I take my life seriously
Do the things I want to do as well as getting started in a career.
I guess the fact that life is moving on made me realize that it is time to make my move
I have a lot of aspirations but as usual I lack focus and direction.
I need to steer myself properly.
I need to release myself from the constraints that are imposed upon me
I have to realize that when I do things, I do it for me and no one else
I understand that there is a possibility of a lonely road ahead but hey, I have walked that road for 5 years, its not going to be a scary and unfamiliar one.
What is scary is leaving the familiar one
However, I am always known to break out and go my own way.

I guess this trip home is not one of pleasantry.
It is about wrapping up some unsolved shit.
Causing new trouble as well as fixing existing and potential ones
Sort of like a coming out of retirement for a goodbye tour.

As for now, I do feel that film, television and writing are what I wanted to do
Accounting is a safety net that I do not wish to need or rely upon
I felt fortunate to have experienced other possibilities that I can achieve in my life
But as to attain enlightenment and happiness, I know where the path lies.
The story goes on...
The adventure continues...
And most important of all
The bitch is back

Creativity, where are you?

It shouldn't be a problem right? Its just 2,000 words. I write novels okay? NOVELS
But yet, I am still creatively stifled about my contemporary france essay
Other than that, I have tons of other things to worry about

For one, I tried enrolling for my French Langauge and Culture 1 for next semester but I am not allowed to enrol due to some stupid requisite problem, I sent an e request to be allowed to be enrolled and until now, no reply.
Things have been pretty shit for me lately.
I am finding it difficult to find my new support system
I am having difficulty finding jobs
I am spending the next 3 months in KL and my hometown.
It's just a lot to take in
Plus, I am at that point where I feel I should be like making money now and not bumming around
And yet, I am.
Which sucks and its self defeating.
Exams are looming around the corner as well. 

Don't get me wrong, I mean I love it here
This place is awesome
Its just that something is missing
And the retarded enter button in this computer in the uni is fucking annoying.
That is not helping either.
I am creatively frustrated, my temper is certainly on the rise
Unlike before, I realize that I am bottling up my feelings most of the time now.
I need to let the drama out, maybe going back is the right move.
Either way, I will continue to grow, I will be strong.

But in all honesty, I feel like I should cut my hair or bitch about how the losers back home would treat the uni here.
I bet 10 bucks that they will think Building One of UTS is a shopping mall because of the escalators installed there.
It will be like this


Average Reasonable Person: Good, an escalator. It will serve its purpose nicely. *Walks up quickly while assited with the motion of escalator*


You Know Who: OMG, an escalator. *Stands and looks at scenery like she is cruising on shopping mall*. I feel like I am in a  mall *giggle*


Yeah, that sort of stuff. Anyway, ciao bellas. Gotta go deal with reality.

Its been a while

I shall now give the following excuses:

1. Drama, still nervous and trying to get my lines right. 
2. Exams soon
3. Need to finish Contemporary France essay. I am doing two even though only one is required as I need the quantity and liberty to choose to see which essay is the best possible candidate that can give me a freaking D and yes HD is 100% out of the question. 
4. Preparing handwritten notes for company law exam
5. Revising Accounting B
6. Kill of IBP assignment. 
7. Baking 
8. Gym
9. No inspiration
10. No drama
11. No anger
12. No angst
13. Not really emotional
14. Recalibrating emotions and sending it to a different output. 

Game on, Bitch

Things are getting a whole lot more busier in life right now.
I have 2 assignments due next week and a presentation on Friday.
Life has been pretty busy lately.
But I have to say its what I wanted
Having my assessments assessed that way.
However, it is sort of taking over my life.
Well, not exactly if you count the amount of hours I spent on facebook, watching tv shows, club duties and overall just plainly goofing off.

But yeah, it is taking over my life
I have been fessing and fretting all over it since for like ever.
Also I want this

 

Its a Lady Gaga, Born This Way 2GB Flash drive and it cost 74.95! 

Oh fuck me

Seriously, there is no way in hell I can afford that

Sigh

It looks so damn cool though.

Come on! Its Lady Gaga! 

Ok, I really really really should like stop blogging now

I have homework, one more piece of my company law assignment which shall be put on hold and my presentation which I have to do.

I am worried about my contemporary france now. 

Its a can pass but needs extra work for a HD and right now, chances of me getting that is slim. 

Its not all about the food

Everytime there are dinner gala events held, be it Kuching, Australia or wherever. Unless organized by myself or esteemed and renowned party planners, there is a very high chance that I would skip it. Especially when it comes to events made by students.

To be honest, I would obviously not mean everyone but so far, the ones that I see or have been to are not satisfactory. Swinburne's version obviously have a lot of flaws as in shittier organizers, crappier budget, overall disgusting taste in decor as well as organization. 

Plus and besides, people will always follow the things that I suggested a year later than usual. Here is an example, Hollywood gala night is the creation of Brendan Goh circa 2009 and fucked up by the 2010 Swinburne Prom Organizing Committee in 2010. Now, UNSW is copying what I started with their very own Malaysian Students Gala Night. 

Thing is, I would definitely love a good night out. Just to let my hair down, socialize and have fun. But there is no way in hell I am spending money just to torture myself. I am not gonna fork up 28 bucks just to enjoy a macaroon tower or three because I am pretty sure I would be miserable there if the company is not good or the organization is not good. 

I usually know when a party is going to be good or bad, cause come on, I have taste. So I decided that I shall impart some of my knowledge to you people. 

1. Do NOT attend if there is a word called 'Buffet' in it

Buffet = Chaos. I have already suffered the Indian equivalent of populated chaos in Swinburne's 2010 prom where idiots do not know how to form a fucking line and understand that there is only one way of entry and one way of exit. Not cutting around left and right, you already have that habit on the road, you still want to portray it on a buffet line? Next, when there is a buffet, there is a line. That line is usually painstakingly long and no. I do not want to hold my plate on my hand for 10 bloody minutes just so someone can decide which side of the lasagne they want. 

2. When people start promoting special attractions about their event

Be it macaroons, a dance floor, a red carpet or whatever. When someone utilises a certain good part about their event, chances are the rest are just gonna suck. Why? Because if you event is a fantastic one, you would promote ALL aspects of the event. For example, we have a terrific menu giving you various choices of starters, mains and desert from various countries like Morocco, Scandinavia, Canada, Samoa etc etc etc. We also have Kesha coming to perform. We have a fabulous decor designed by (insert famous interior decorator). We also have the Glamcam 360 that you see at the Emmys. If the shining star of your event is just fabulous performances and great food, chances are the performances suck and food is suckier. 

3. The people

Good people make good parties. Shitty people make shitty parties. It's all about the company. A carefully plotted guest list that includes people who you want and get exclusive invites will definitely liven up the atmosphere as well as lowering the trash factor. Having a hodge-podge of Tom, Dick and Ah Chong is obviously going to dreck the atmosphere. 

4. The organizers

Evaluate the organizers. If you are in uni for a while and know who they are. Chances are that you can predict how good are they in organizing the prom. If you do not know them, I sincerely say that you should judge the book by its cover but in this case the cover can tell a lot about the person. If he or she overall is a person who's taste in fashion is something you do not like, chances are you are going to have a miserable time. 

5. The price

The price must be just right. Too expensive and you think it is not worth to go, too cheap and you think that there are corners being cut. Swinburne's price of 50 bucks is way too cheap. I would pay 100 for a fantastic night rather than some shoddy, low class, half hearted, budgeted shit that cost me 50. Its simple economics. You spend a 100 bucks on a night that you are bound to enjoy, you feel that the 100 was worth it. If you spend 50 bucks on a shitty prom, chances are you feel that you spent 50 bucks for nothing. Not to mention the new suit and perfume you bought, the limo you hired, the pack of condoms and breath mints in your back pocket and the corsage/necklace that you gave to your date. 

6. The venue

Do check out the venue, if its a good one then so be it. If its some hall like your local university hall, forget about it. 

7. The theme

Costumed parties like masquerade and dead celebrity parties would flunk unless you are a bunch of enthusiasts . There will always be a vast majority that do not obey the rules. 

8. The presence of sponsors

If there are sponsors, do check if they are related and are potentially able to lift the prom experience. Example of bad sponsorship that do not work, having a bridal showcase at a local prom. Honey, this ain't 16 and pregnant. Nobody is gonna be getting married that soon. Unless it is known that marrying at a young age is common in your community, do not do it. 

Lanterns

If I am only allowed to return to Kuching once a year, I would choose to return around the time of the mooncake festival.
Now there is nothing special about mooncake festival in Kuching
There are no lanterns hanging or floating or whatever
But it is my favorite festival of the year

I do not know why
There seems to be nothing specially momentous that happened at mooncake festival
But its definitely special to me

It represents hope, love, mystery and family
Enjoying the lanterns that you hung on the plants or fences
Sipping tea
Eating mooncakes
Watching the unfortunate lanterns burn
Relighting the lanterns that are out
Trying your best to fill the pitch black skill with organic candlelights encased in coloured paper rather than the artificial ones
More importantly spending time with 5 very special dogs

This is the first time I am spending mooncake festival away from home
I do admit that I am vulnerable and a bit homesick
Especially since the mooncakes here are so not up to par compared to ones at home
I blabbered to my Australian friends about home
I could not believe that
But I did
And I guess I made friends and grew closer
Its lonely but hey, its an adventure at the same time
Till then, ttyl bitches

Resolution Update

Earlier this year, I have posted a list of resolutions that I plan to keep for the year.
Here is an update followed by excuses of how has it been going on.
Resolution 1: CB or MMM
Crappy Budget status: On the fence, well I am pretty on the fence on this one, for one thing I felt that I am still spending at a somewhat stable limit, on days I spend more and some days I spend nothing where they both just cross each other out.
Make Me Miserablem status: No job = No misery = No Cash = PHAIL. Not very successful at getting jobs lately, maybe I am looking at the wrong direction?

Resolution 2: Flat Ass, Reduction in Waist Size, Skinny things and calves, thin looking face, pecs that are suitable for an athletic well toned person, muscles etc etc
Status: PHAILED (currently)
I dunno, no excuse for this one. My mistake is waiting for others to join me, should have grown a pair of balls and walked in and not get intimidated.

Resolution 3: Sing and Dance more
Status: Succeeding
I have been doing a lot more of that now, fun!!!!!!!

Resolution 4: Cut down on shopping, buy what is necessary
Status: ?
Well, I mean I have been buying a lot of necessary things lately, you know, all those essential clothing and stuff, the things I buy like ice-cream, clothes and stuff are necessary for my sanity so like I am succeeding right? RIGHT?
Status: I say succeed but feel that its more likely a PHAIL

Resolution 5: Go Vegan/ Vegetarian
Status: PHAIL
I love meat, that's it. I love my meat, especially PORK. You would never understand how to appreciate pork unless you have gone 10 weeks without it, fuck you NS. You would also never understand how to appreciate beef until you realized that your dad is no longer by your side, nagging about eat beef is like being as sinful as polygamy or something. Unless its veal, I didn't know what veal was until I googled it and saw what it actually is made of AFTER I made a fantastic veal dish. Just so you know, my heart burns and aches figuratively like  after what happened to a fat guy running after an ice-cream truck.

Resolution 6: Be More Positive, Enthusiastic, Ass Kissy
Status: Success
I have been a very very good boy lately, well its true! I haven't had sex yet! I have not succumb to my alcoholism yet!

Resolution 7: Drive less, bike more
Resolution 7 (b): Learn to ride a bike
Status: Success and PHAIL (respectively)
I don't drive anymore! I am so happy about that! But yeah, still unable to ride a bike

Resolution 8: Put a lot less effort in Debating
Status: Success but wanting to PHAIL
Well, this hiatus is nice but yeah, I still do feel the longing of debating against people from other countries and travel and such. Only time will tell, I guess

Resolution 9: Stay away from any one who has a Mac, iPad or Samsung Galaxy Tab
Status: Success, Obsolete and Obsolete
I no longer crave the Galaxy Tab. I have an iPad but yeah, managed to avoid anyone who has a Mac, kudos to me!

There is still 4 months left, summer beach bod, here I come!

The Ride Begins: First Impressions

Homework, Assignments, Assessments

Things are beginning to pile up now

I am definitely very very busy 

I rarely have time to myself

I might have to cancel or shelf the shows that I plan to watch

This new adventure is certainly throwing a few curve balls around my life

My social life, currently seems like its going to expand

I plan to join the committee of the Business Society

I am in the drama club

I am in the French Speaking Society which is very important, especially next semester as I would be starting to learn French

Then, there is of course the people that I met at orientation

I certainly do not know how long this gang is going to last

You know.

People move on and change and find new friends

But I am having a great time so far

Company Law has been very competitive and there are like a group of people in there who certainly are there to impress

For Integrating Business Perspectives, well, lets just say its the polar opposite

Met a few acquaintances at FIS (its called Accounting For Business Decisions B or ABDB, but prefer FIS)

Contemporary France is a small class but it has it quirks

Learning about Europe, getting a taste of what its like to be an Arts & Humanities student. 

It was interesting, very interesting and I had a lot of fun with it

Though it might not seem like it

As for a the few other loves in my life

Debating, I am still in limbo about it

I still do not know whether I plan to join or not

Kasun was the finals adjudicator of KLOC

I am pissed.

I mean congratulations and I am proud of him for achieving such a great accolade

But I am still pissed.

Because, it just lights a fire in me

That I want to compete and prove that I am better in the debating circuit

Like return and try for that glory and compete at Worlds

I had that dream once

Should I pursue it again?

Or shall I drop it and pursue other opportunities?

The Writers society seems fun

But the self publishing stuff is just not my kind of thing

I mean I want to at least have connections and opportunities to get a book published, fine.

But zines?

I don't know about that, seems very indy for me and I am more of the mainstream type.

Citing creative differences is what my head is currently spinning around for now

Well, obviously, you know there are more opinions of mine talking about nice shit and gossiping about the other clubs I have seen. But I don't want to anger anyone or cause some sort of outrage where people comment shit about me. I do not know why they do that, its just an opinion. This is what Malaysia has come to, everyone is so fucking sensitive and so self righteous, whatever you write or say that makes them FEEL that you are dissing them, they diss you. No wonder why Malaysian commercials show people pointing with their thumbs.

Dissing Anime in general and anime fanatics in general is a whole lot different than dissing the Swinburne or UTS anime club. But some people just take it a wrong way that they think you are insulting them. Opinions are opinions, they sometime do hurt but hey as long as they are general and not specifically aimed at someone, its fine. 

Green Light Given, Adventure Begins

I have enough exemptions for me to be allowed to stay and study here, so it is green lighted.
I am happy to be here
Still trying to adjust here though
Trying to find my footing, building up my social circle, thinking of what clubs to join, waiting for interviews from jobs

I am still pissed at the person who left me in the streets
Its funny what infatuation, interest and curiosity can do
I liked that person
To be ditched like that
Not cool
I am still angry
I know its not worth it
But sometimes you just cannot help it

Its either being angry at myself for being so stupid, being so naive
Its being angry at fate
Its being angry at said person for being a big ass jerk
What can I do eh?

My mood right now is so 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson
and
I wanna send the message of 'Don't Hold Your Breath' by Nicole Scherzinger to that piece of shitass jerk

First day of school

Well, the pilot is still awaiting green light
I still do not know I am officially allowed to stay here because of the credits
But I wanted to, I need to
Because I feel like a new chapter of my life is starting right now
Having it cut short and then return home
It would suck so bad
I can only hope things get better from here
Something unexpectedly cruel happened last night
I could not believe it

Last night,
I have to say
I was not expecting what had happened
I don't want to talk about it
Since its a personal and emotional issue right now
There is no one else needing to worry about it
I am still trying to get my emotions in check
I have learned that I am overtly expressive
But controlling and stabilizing my emotions are definitely a challenge
I lose my temper easily, I cry easily
I definitely feel vulnerable and its hard to build a shell around myself
I still do not know who I am more angry at
Myself or that person

Its a real eye opener
You thought you know someone
But you actually don't
Heartbreaking essentially

But I am definitely not letting it get to me
If getting rid of the past
Is to move forward
Then I will

I am here to study
I have to focus
I don't know whether I would be totally be honest and open
or just build up a wall
All I know is that
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life
I am feeling good that I am here
I am ready to kick ass

Falling out of love with you

A story five years in the making
Distance prevented what could have happened
A longing towards getting together
To be with each other
Just to know
What true love feels

There were times where the paths could have crossed
Opportunities were given but never taken
Circumstances prevented these two people
From discovering the potential of their love

Leaded by hormones
Connected by commonalities
From there the love grows
But why oh why
Would these two lovers cannot be together

Is it fate?
Is it destined?
Is it always meant to be?
That we always will have the chance to be together
But circumstances will always prevent us to meet
Are we meeting?
Are we dating?
Are we going to learn about each other?
Because we better do as deep in my heart right now
I am falling out of love with you

Music is what brought these two together
A symphony of love emerged from there
The connection they felt was so special
But maybe not to all
At least for one of them
It is

Leaded by hormones

Connected by commonalities

From there the love grows

But why oh why

Would these two lovers cannot be together

Is it fate?

Is it destined?

Is it always meant to be? 

That we always will have the chance to be together

But circumstances will always prevent us to meet

Are we meeting?

Are we dating?

Are we going to learn about each other?

Because we better do as deep in my heart right now

I am falling out of love with you

Its as simple as science and faith
The chemistry we had together was explosive
The love that grew from spending time with each other was expressive
It seems distance was the only obstruction
But is it enough to kill a love story
I don't think so but
I am
Falling out of love with you

Falling out of love with you
Falling out of love with you
Falling...

Is it fate?

Is it destined?

Is it always meant to be? 

That we always will have the chance to be together

But circumstances will always prevent us to meet

Are we meeting?

Are we dating?

Are we going to learn about each other?

Because we better do as deep in my heart right now

I am falling out of love with you

Its like awaiting the the premiere/green light

Well, the Brendan Goh spin-off from the Swinburne Debater's Club is awaiting green light
Whether or not the green light will be given
Whether Brendan will be staying in Sydney or forced to return to Kuching
You cannot deny that on both sides, you can have a great story and journey with endless possibilities to write on.

On one hand, the spin-off (Brendan staying in Sydney), gives him new adventures, new cast members, a fresh start essentially. It definitely will be different as there are new tasks and other priorities taking ahead of what he wants

''You definitely see some changes in Brendan, things will be different for him. There are a lot more opportunities and paths that he could take. A lot more dynamics coming in to play, there will be a part-time job, more emphasis on work and career as well as fitting in a much more easier to adapt environment'' said Fate, the show runner for both shows

When asked about the fact that Brendan will be living alone, caring for his aunt's apartment, Fate adds, ''The independence factor is certainly another new dynamic, Brendan now has more responsibility and roles to play around with. As well as living in his aunt's place, we definitely will see more drama, not only with his aunt but the house itself as well.''

''Debate is certainly taking a back seat this time, Brendan joined the debaters club to find friends and connect together with people who have some significant common ground with him back then, and we certainly have seen some lifelong friendships being formed,'' said Fate, '' Now, with an even more expansive list of association and clubs, we certainly see that Brendan is very much tempted with joining all the other societies, but who knows, as you have seen in the season finale, his debate books are with him, so who knows, there might be a return towards debate, everything is very much certainly up in the air in that department.''

However, Fate does add that the new cast members won't be revealed until later episodes, which could stretch as far as until mid-season. ''This series really emphasizes on Brendan himself, so the first few episodes will be about living in a new place and adjusting about it as well as the numerous problems that come in the way, we certainly do have a rotating cast of recurring and guest actors to interact with but certainly nothing has set in stone about the other cast.''

As for the other side of the spectrum, if the pilot fails, then Brendan would indeed return to the original show as a series regular

''We will have Brendan dealing with the regret, the sadness and disappointment of the withdrawal and we would definitely see his emotions go a bit unstable at times, he will definitely be sad. Although, yes, he will accept the fact that he is not going to study overseas for now, it does not mean he cannot do it later or that he cannot be pissed about it. Moreover, there was a romance in development with him and another person which was cut short due to the potential of the new series. We see what happens when he returns to that. There definitely is a few more stories left untold here and there but we'd really wish that the new show pulls through because of the more stories that can be told.''

The new Brendan Goh show which is as yet untitled is still in limbo with the network executives but there are certainly a few names were thrown around. There are a lot but we are showcasing a few ridiculous ones that are actually being considered. Therefore we are listing the ones that we do not like or think would not work to the showrunner that these titles should not even be considered or even thought of:

Ugly Brendan
Brendan and the city
Brendan: Life on the uni lane
Brendan takes on Sydney
The Life of Brendan Goh
How I Met Brendan Goh
Bimbo Theory
Charming Brendan
Project Brendan
Goh's Anatomy
Keeping Up with Brendan Goh
Sydney Shore
The Only Way is Brendan
Brendan Who
The Brendan Goh Show
The Brendan Show
The Good Student
Gossip Boy
Desperate Brendan
Brendan Legal

As well as the Chelsea Handler rip-offs
Brendan's Horizontal Life
Are you there Chardonnay? Its me, Brendan
Brendan Brendan Bang Bang
Lies that Brendan Goh told me

Brendzblog Sanctuary Breached

Brendzblog is my avenue of releasing stress when no one is around
It is one of my comforts, releasing what I feel or what I want to say in this little website of mine
No repurcussions (well almost none), no censorship, no control over what I should say or what I should not share
I set up this website way back in 2006 because I have no one to relate to and I needed a place for me where I can feel accepted
I was lonely back then

I mean, I do have friends and I love them for that but the level of closeness of what I have experienced between my friends in high school and the ones in Swinburne were worlds apart.
I don't miss my high school friends but I certainly do miss the uni ones, (yes Cyril u maybe form both but ur better in uni)
I was ecstatic when graduated from high school but leaving Swinburne, transferring to a different country, I find it very surprising that it feels bittersweet.
I was sad that I could not get to know better some of the newer friends who I have begun to be closer with and I was sad that I could not spend more time with people that I hold dear, people who dare I say, consider that they are family.
I never had that kind of closeness back in high school.

But now as you can see, most of the stuff I write here are cryptic somewhat
Come on, if you read closely you would know what I am writing about
But yeah
I 'complicate' things
You see... my sanctuary has been breached, my parents found my blog site
I was pissed that now, I cannot say or do whatever I wanted to do
But now that I am in a different country and they cannot remember the name of this site
I guess you can say that I can say whatever I want
But I cannot think these days for some reason

I guess having friends in uni, they are my main source of people that I bitch to about
I have an avenue to release my stress
Yet at the same time learn to care and appreciate them like the individuals that they are
A form of mutual respect that grows in to care and love.
I love my friends and it kills me that they are not here with me
I am leaving my support system and I know I can create a new one
So here it begins
My journey in Australia, awaiting its commencement
Lets hope it does not get cancelled before it even started
Then again, lets hope it the series has run its due course
I do not know what to expect, but I know this journey is not easy
I hope I have the strength to do this