Swinburne's Got Scandal

The following blog post is about to be presented in a seriously mind BLOWING manner, a serious EJACULATION of the mind containing the concentrated JUICES of creativity. Any thing written here is seriously fictional towards an actual situation that actually happened. If its too vulgar, then JACK OFF now or forever hold it to YOURSELF. As for the rest, I invite all of you to COME. This is a SOLO opinion but I am sure my fans would find this intellectually SATISFYING.

Okay, my dear Brendzblog Legionaires, I have always complained that my life here in Swinburne, aka the Pig Uni is extremely BORING. Seriously, nothing happens here, its very very peaceful... that is until now. With a new president promising change, the school's environment somehow changed as well. It has becomed more of a mixture between Grey's Anatomy and those lovable CW trash Gossip Girl and 90210. In the famous words of WWE Hall of Famer, Announcer and owner of a barbeque shop, Jim Ross: Business is Picking Up!

So here is the super juicy details:

A dude was like looking at like semi naked pictures of chicks (pathetic I know) and he was like masturbating in the OPEN LAB! Like literally flipping his dick out and wanking while viewing the pictures on his computer! And while he was in the course of um... pleasuring himself, his actions were videotaped by some chick and she posted it on facebook and now, its spreading like well a virus. Wow, its a serious wonder on how fast news spreads via a scandal.

I shall now type this like I am writing my law essay or something like that, so yeah, super wordy, so like prepare to print! Its gonna be like a debate to those of you who wanted to follow my tutelage where unfortunately like I am not a senior debater but I am like a somewhere there senior debater but still juniors can get some pointers from me right?

On the um... star?

Well, dude deserves it. Point blank. You masturbate in public while looking at pictures of topless Asian girls, be prepared to take the risk of getting exposed on your public indecency. Be preapred to be famous. I mean come on, this is a university that literally screams boring in a boring town, so things like this happening is as rare as Britney Spears coming to Kuching to prepare a small concert in conjunction with my 21st birthday. Where the whole crowd will sing me happy birthday and I get to perform "Oops I Did It Again" with Britney Spears and the both of us are wearing the ever infamous red jumpsuit. So obviously, when caught, people who have no life will video tape your actions and then post it up on facebook for everyone to see.

Its already a crime, Public Indecency, why not add insult to injury? 

Also, what the fuck is it with topless Asian girls? I mean seriously, the quality of pornography is like so softcore and you can jack off to that? Proves that this guy is sad, desperate and he has his um needs that cannot be satisfied with a laptop and a bathroom. Look at it this way, getting busy and steamy with a real actual person, rather than a virtual picture of a topless woman with her mouth semi open.

Also consider the mentality of the general populous of Swinburne. Everyone is like so hooked on Gossip Girl and 90210, so scandals like these need to be made public cause that's what gossip girl does right?

However, I am not entirely mad at him publicly flipping his penis and well, moving it up and down continuously. Its called a freedom of choice. If he feels that its okay and it does not harm anyone physically, then by all means do it. Children maybe mentally scared for life or something but we are all adults, we know that there are needs to be satisfied. So I don't really see much of a problem but maybe the guy making a fool of himself and that's about it. I mean seriously, if you want to jack off in public at least you must have something sizeable to show right? Plus in his defense,dude has a potential form of mental disability.

On the person who taped the act, added techno porno music and uploaded the whole video on facebook for the whole community of Swinburne to see which literally spreaded like a heart attack or something.

I know that it is an act of indecency, i know its rude and i know its sick and disgusting. But seriously, is there a need to blow everything out of proportion? Is there a need to over dramatize everything? Do you even have a life to lead? Do you have a grudge that is so deep towards the guy that it behoved you to do something as ludicrous, cruel and immature as something like this? Or is it that you are so bored with your life, you decided to become gossip girl and post all this shit that blew everything out of proportion. Whatever happened to student council or whatever happened to proper social justice. You cannot just do something like this, taking law into your own hands and posting something as humiliating like this. You are a college student for god's sake. You are taught to think rationally and calmly like an adult and not overreact everything like some 15 year old. This is not high school! Have you even thought through the whole process?

Looking at the video, you recorded the act fine. However, you also revealed his identity to everyone! You basically exposed his indecent act to the whole word, probably every Swinburne student has known of this by now and the news has already spreaded as far as Australia and Vietnam for god sakes. Have you not known how large the impact a scandal like this can cause? Not to mention that horrible techno music, have you no taste, do you have to cheese everything up?

Well let me tell you, since you like blowing everything out of proportion. He would not only lose his dignity but also everyone else around that knows him. You basically have made him a lone soldier, no friends at all. His college life is now probably more unpleasant than ever before. Everytime people see him, people will start whispering to each other, pointing at him and then start giggling like little school girls. People he know would avoid him and would not associate themselves with him because of the bad reputation. Other people will make fun of him, probably even to the extent of bullying him and damaging his property like his car. Some would use him as an excuse, as an escape as bullying him is fun. Calling him a wanker and doing the wanking charade in front of him. He will feel insecure, unsafe and absolutely humiliated. You have turned an institution meant for him to pursue an education into a living hell. Just because of the two minute video clip, 120 seconds. You know what they say, it takes years to build up a good reputation, but seconds to crumble it; it takes seconds to become infamous but years to for it to crumble. Basically, you just ruined his college life and he will forever immortalized as "he who has jacked off in public in Swinburne's open computer lab".

Oh by the way, the paragraph above is what is actually happening, now for my drama plot.

What if the guy commits suicide? You will probably be an accessory to suicide or something like that kid in UK who killed himself because he is constantly bullied on facebook. Or what if its even worse. What if he was mentally depressed or something and then decided to bring a gun to school. He would start small,working from the one of the floors in swinburne and then start shooting people, beginning with the cleaners, th security guard and then he makes his way towards you. People who are in his way will get shot and possibly die. He might even hold people hostage somemore or something like that. What if he ran amok and stabbed everyone, causing Swinburne to be unsafe. You are putting yourself and more importantly others in danger if he is criminally insane. Have you ever thought of such probabilities?

Apparently judging by your actions, you did not.

Honestly, this is college, it is meant for a time to have fun and the word fun is subjective. To you fun is probably bitching and wishing that you get to blow everything out of proportions so that you can emulate the cast of 90210. For me, fun is being me,goofing off with everyone and acting like a major bimbo while giving Blair Waldorf like quotes. For him, its fulfilling his fantasy of jacking off in public while staring at a picture of a topless Asian woman.

Honestly, its just masturbation. Sure it is indecent, obviously not socially appropriate and what more to say embarassing. If you think this is horrible, then wait till you see two people having sex on the side of the road, or porno stores blatantly exposed in the streets of soho, or two gay guys swapping tongues and sucking dick at a public toilet is probably hell for you. Well guess what darling? There are people doing it, not persons PEOPLE. We are talking probably in the millions. What you have experience is just nothing but a culture shock that is not used to your own norms and comfort zone and I personally find that understandable, stemming from your lack of logic, need of drama, possible over obsession with trashy Asian bands and predictable dramas and overall stupidity.

If you feel that this is wrong, why not report it to the authorities, give the man some dignity. He should be embarassed and ashamed of himself but you do not need to put the shame on him into something as public as this!

We all find our own ways of entertainment, some not socially acceptable compared with the others that are. However, it is a no harm principle there, no one was harmed because of this, it is just you causing the harm to him. However, I need to thank you too. You made my life a lot less boring than it should be.

Oh yeah, my people, this is what I think and thoughts like these cannot be on facebook. Its just too long.