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Saturday, March 26, 2011


Maybe we could be together
Be with each other forever
Like two fated lovers
Finally getting each other

Maybe we could end up as friends
Brothers sworn until the end
Wouldn't it funny if it been
That we used to like each other

We could dream as much as we wanted
Coloring the skies the way we liked it
But for me, whatever happens happens
Cause its the way God intended it to be

Maybe are just maybes
Giving endless possibilities
No use fretting about it
But why can't I stop thinking about you
Maybe because I know I love you
And maybe you could love me too

I could kiss you right now
But for now, its nothing but a maybe

Maybe we are like horny teenagers
Publicly kissing to inform other people
That we are passionate lovers
Inseparable practically forever

Maybe our relationship will deepen more
Like shopping together at the grocery store
Debating over Oreo or Chipsmore
And all the petty things that I adore

I don't know if we would fight a lot
I don't know if we would fuck that much
All I know its that I want to give it a shot
But as I said, our fates are left to God

Maybe are just maybes
Giving endless possibilities
No use fretting about it
But why can't I stop thinking about you
Maybe because I know I love you
And you know that you love me too

I could kiss you right now
But for now, its nothing but a maybe

Its just sad that we are never at the same place at the same time
Oh how I wish that you were mine
We make each other feel like we are in cloud nine
But how come God is not so kind 
Dividing us apart with a natural borderline

Maybe are just maybes
Giving endless possibilities
No use fretting about it
But why can't I stop thinking about you
Maybe because I know I love you
And you know that you love me too
The tension is undeniable
I find you irresistible

I could kiss you right now
But for now, its nothing but a maybe
Nothing but a maybe

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Reflections of a 21 year old

Yes, another year older, another year wiser, another year spent on figuring out what the heck am I going to do after graduation.
But I let the mood flow, life goes on and what not
But do I feel evolved like a pokemon, certainly not.
In fact, I feel the same, only a lot less bitchier than the 16 year old me

But one thing I do come realize is that
The people make the party
Not the party make the party

I guess I have grown up a bit
I don't argue as much
I am less obsessed
I know what is important in life (I think, you can never be too sure)
I learned to listen from both sides of the story instead of listening only to the one that feels righteous and true
I felt that I am now more appreciative for those who are around and close to me
Kuching sans the bloody fucking Asians who rave on stupidity seems somewhat comfortable now
Like a foreigner finally adjusting to his surroundings, yeah, it takes 21 years to do that
London is home like in 3 days, Australia is familiar in a week, but 21 years for Kuching
You know it, I know it, there is only one explanation.

Now, that currently, my plans to be a foreign student seems to be imminent and possible and will occur in a very short time.
I am scrambling to keep my grades up and also, to spend more time with those I hold dear.
Its like mass producing those moments which makes you appreciate the people in your life
Luckily, I am taking 3 subjects this year
With the fact that I am worrying practically all the time about my future education
The time that I need to spend with friends
And the time needed to spend on ensuring my place in a good university which means focusing on more homework.
I would be very busy now
This blog as usual will still be in my life
But it will be a dear friend that I will visit less due to my current commitments.
As is with it the past year or so
Looks like its time to rally up, kick ass and hope for the best

Friday, March 04, 2011

Turning 21 is a a pain

I have always imagined my 21st birthday party to be something extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring that Lady Gaga's next video would somehow pay tribute to said extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring party. Instead I have a low key celebration where the only thing that bears some resemblance to that extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring party is the cake.

I guess my dreams of being a spoiled brat with the awesome party is officially over cause after you turn 21, ie being officially an adult (still not seeing that happening anytime soon), being allowed to vote (i do not give a shit) and get the maximum sentence regardless of any crime you commit (whoop de doo, u looking at a future bitch pussy boy), you are kinda not a spoiled brat anymore.

Other than that, there is the whole age thing going on. You going to be ancient, you going to feel ancient and then also you get that fierce determination to do something big before you turn 25 because after that everything just goes into stagnant shit mode.

Well, I guess I did something "mature" once. Listening to my dad and deciding to spend my birthday with the family instead of arguing with him and debating the advantages of spending my birthday in a debate tournament and the disadvantages of hosting a party at home which I might add, will NEVER happen if I did not say anything. Yes, that is how pathetically cheap and awe-inspiringly insensitive my parents are. You would think that an avid traditional buddhist fanatic and a bimbotic woman who knows the terms "celebration" and "enjoyment" like a christian fanatic knowing every single verse in the bible would think of something as traditional as their son's 21st birthday should be special. If given to them, I would spend the morning cutting some stupid key shaped birthday cake, eating stupid red eggs, giving half of key shaped cake to unappreciative relatives who never eat them because they are old and sugar is like poison to them or something and then given some key that would open to absolutely nothing. Never mind the Porsche, never mind the Mazda RX-8, the Maserati is miles away along with the Mini Countryman, the BMW M3, X6 or the Z convertible are somewhere over the rainbow, forget about the 75' Dodge Viper, forget about anything. That key probably does not even open a lock and even if there is a lock, it would be as lost as an episode of Lost.

To be honest, I cancelled my trip. A trip to debate sure but also a trip to spend nights with friends giggling, partying, gossiping, drinking. A trip to have sex and not needing to worry what happens later. A trip to have absolute fun. And I gave that up for what? A half hearted party? You wanted me to stay so that you can watch me like some Pokemon evolving the minute I turned 21 and you barely made an effort to do so to celebrate that occasion? Being disappointed is an understatement, heck being murderously furious would be an understatement right now.

I am already very unhappy that some of my close friends would not be around to celebrate this occasion with me because apparently debating is more important that someone's birthday, more specifically mine! Neither any of them who are going, planned a pre celebration for me. NO, its all study this, debate that, all for what? Head into some tournament where only one team will be having some what of a chance to break into octofinals and get eliminated from there? Clinging on to that smidge of hope that they will break only to have it crushed? Yes, I am angry, I am not happy but I do understand the circumstances and I wish them all the best but I still have the right to be pissed. I am OLDER than the Malaysian Debate Open after all. And they are missing my Pokemon evolution and the cake.

Now, my parents are now trying to sabotage my party on what they think is better. My father wants to invite my relatives even though I made it clear that A) it should be a friends only party and B) if he wants to include my relatives that the celebration should be seperate. I do not want the door of my house be some replica of the Berlin Wall or the Great Wall of China. You know what, it is the Great Wall of China. My friends and relatives will be as seperated as the seperation of church and state in the democracy of the United States of America. Not only do I have to speak to both sides of the family running around like some stupid messenger in a frantic motion, my friends would feel more than a bit awkward. And worse is that my dad will go into another of his tirades to satisfy his attention seeking fulfilment or my relatives putting in racist remarks. I practically have a replica of the whole One Malaysia shit going on, all you need is a bunch of whites, blacks and latinos and I pretty much have the whole UN in there! I am sure my friends are open-minded but still its embarassing to be known to come from such an ignorant and isolated background.

Then my mother absolutely surprising need to butt in and just make everything worse only to be blamed and then screamed and go into defense mode. Simple fact is, her opinions just makes things worse. I am alright with her switching the sizes of the cake, I love chocolate anyway but to spray GOLD leafs, GOLD shit all over my cake, to be worried is an understatement. I dunno if my cake is going to look like lady gaga or a cheap tramp ass whore. I dunno if its going to look expensive or look incredibly cheap. I dunno if my cake will live up to my dream and satisfaction of getting my cake right. Then there is the fact that I have to get the front porch cleaned because of the damned grasscutter simply cutting the grass sending blades of weed and grass to the front porch and clogging the drain.

Then there are my brothers that provide nothing but absolute uselessness in helping out. In fact Ryan's impulsiveness would threaten to ruin my party and a sloth would be more active than Darren. Also, I pretty much have absolute zero help. The party is tomorrow night, I am already in tatters and feeling the 'rage' of evolution. I know I have not done this in a long time but I am requesting that You, God to help me in this difficult time of sorrow and torture. I know that some people who keep on praying for You, claiming they are being Your best friend, saying that they can define and express their relationship with You like they are like your BFF or something and saying that being judgmental, hypocritic bitchest that they are, doing whatever shit they condemn doing. I have not been much trouble lately but I need you help right now so yeah, please do help, thank you.