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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Spotlight On: Adam Lambert

Man, when Adam Lambert says it's going to be different, I didn't think it was going to be this different.
His new single 'For Your Entertainment' was extremely hot.
Just think about this, he is probably the only artist that can become the male version of Britney or Lady Gaga and yet still being able to pull it off as cool and normal.
Don't believe me, then judge it for yourself where performed it at the American Music Awards, however, viewer discretion is advised. Curious? Well watch the video for your entertainment. For all that I can tell you, I am damn entertained.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Why my posts aren't like others

Okay, by now are maybe like a year or two ago, you probably would think this about me.
Brendan Goh has a blog
Brendan Goh has fluent English
Brendan Goh indeed does has typos in his blog posts that he doesn't bother to check them, therefore causing retarded-ness and confusion when reading.
But then you ask

Where are all the pictures,
Where are all the reviews of local restaurants
Where are the bloody camwhore pictures of you and some brilliant hot chick with humungous breast who has an affinity towards Canada *coughcoughbiancacoughngcoughcoughpohheavyheavycoughcoughliancoughcorderocoughheavyiknowyourcoughfullname*

Well, there are no pictures of me with some big breasted Canadian Asian hot chick on my lap because...
Okay, I am not gay
I know you think its gay because guys should have hot chicks on their laps
Plus those crazy fantasies of me and some Latino/Korean/White/Pinoy/Japanese/Samoan melting pot hybrid of a boyfriend who probably never exists and even if he does, we would never meet or he is straight.
Here are some excuses reasons that I will never do such things

1. I am basically an angel, well an acid tongued angel but still, I am an angel.

I RARELY go clubbing, me in a club is as rare as me getting caught wearing my sweatpants inside out while going shopping for some groceries. Okay, maybe that's not the right thing to say, uh... ah hah! It is as rare as well it doesn't rain in Chinese New Year. The only time I hit the clubs was during New Years and that's it. Why? Well first of all, it is not G.A.Y. which is awesome and fun. Clubs in my suburban town of Kuching are usually packed with people. When I mean people, I mean people who have no taste in fashion, slutty little minxes and also stupid parents and grandmothers scaring the shit about me about stories of people going into clubs, get into fights and then die there. One of the stories that I can remember very well is that there was this girl who got in with a bad boy but the girl wants to break up with the bad boy, so the girl asks another guy who was studying overseas but came back for a visit and also to help her out and settle, so overseas guy did as the chick told him to do, he got banged up, went to a coma and died. Voila! The trend that sets my fears in Kuching nightclubs.

2. My friends are angels too.

It is true my friends are like me, angels. I mean I am the angle that can be a fallen angel but these people are probably like God's elite little group of goody two shoes. Basically I am a good boy that can go bad, they are people that will never go bad. Therefore, happy and content = boredom. What am I to do? I am very good at choosing friends, cause I always choose the ones who are happy and content/ boring. Maybe because of the fact that the ones hanging in clubs are usually unable to communicate with me in my level of- obviously/ apparently/ although I do not think so-English.

3. I am not a very popular blogger.

I don't get hundreds of comments everytime I put up a post, usually I am lucky if I even have one or two!!! My form of blogging mainly is about me and my life, it is my opinion only. Plus, my form of humour is usually a bit dark and which some people usually do not get. Moreover, I blog for me. I don't blog for anyone else. Obviously I am happy to write a review or an advertorial but I don't get much feed here, most people read my blog are from Malaysia and the United States, yet no one bothers to leave a comment or click the ads.

4. My life is not interesting
I don't own a gym, I am not the blogger of the year in Nuffnang's awards, I obviously have not met the Black Eyed Peas, Tony Fernandes does not sponsor me free flights. I also have not met Lewis Hamilton, currently dating an American, dyed my hair blonde and having my own web show. I also do not have two published books, I don't post pictures of my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend who is so obviously below me and thrash them all over facebook. I also am not a student in NYU, though I definitely wished that I am one and I do not get the opportunity to go to London everytime holidays kick in, I only get to go to London like once in, well a lifetime. So screw me.

So yeah, I am definitely not that popular but that's who I am. It's my life and currently my life is for my parents to screw cause obviously I have not gotten to an overseas university. If I graduate from Swinburne, well, it is the end of the world people, prepare to suffer the 2012 thing.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Left for dead: The Parody

My bro was watching some ridiculous reality TV series that displays real horrifying, absurd, ridiculous, tragic, something only dumb nuts would watch kind of things that was caught on camera. When I mean dumb nuts I mean when you are watching TV, then some stupid relative comes over and say the following questions.

What is this?
Why is he like that?
EEE, how come like that?
Is this a reality television show?

To which I will reply, 'Shut the fuck up and watch the damn thing.'

So anyway, we were watching this show when we saw this man got run over by a car and he just lay there on the floor. For the next, I dunno few minutes, people there were just watching the guy lying there on the ground, motionless and not calling the ambulance. Even a few cars drive by and slow down to watch but then leave. After that a few people were also just watching the guy. So creepy and weird and its something that bloody asians would do, but the tape was American, which is why it's so weird.

So I decided to compile a few fictional scenarios of what would happen if it was in Malaysia.

Guy gets ran over by some super pimped up Proton Saga that is probably too heavily tinted in the wrong way so that he drives around like some blind maniac on the streets.

Scene 1: The Kepo Old Ladies
Old Lady A: Aiyo, why like this.
Old Lady B: The guy got run over leh
Old Lady A: Aiyo,why like that
Old Lady B: Dunno leh, must be thos naughty children, drive here and drive there always very fast one, people should only drive when they are 40 la! Road so much safer plus every 1 km must have bump one.
Old Lady A: Ya lo, eh, isn't this man has the son who was involved in that one girl two man sex scene on TV?
Old Lady B: Yeah, what was it laio ah, my kids always watch it one.
Old Lady A: It call the show ah... International something la
Old Lady B: Poor man la, not only dying like that but also having to bear the shame of his son kissing another man on TV.
Old Lady A; Eh, shouldn't someone call an ambulance?
Old Lady B: Aiya, my phone no credit la
Old Lady A: Aiyo me too!

Both Ladies then walk away.

Scene 2: Measurements and Lottery
Guy A: Hey look is that a dead guy on the street?
Guy B: No, he is alive la. See him over there, the chest up and down, wan die, dun wan die like that?
Guy A: Oh, poor thing guy not in car la! We can get teh number to strike 4D or toto! Sure fa chai one! Another man's misfortune is our fortune!
Guy B: Aiya, you not creative one! See right, we can get number from the clothes! From the backside of pants and the shirt.
Guy A: But he wear collar shirt leh, no number one! Only S, M, L and XL nia.
Guy B: Hiya, you not creative one, flip him over the backside, okay, pants size is 36 then take one of the shoe off. Shoe size nine for US, ok this mean that in Europe is 44. So it is 3644 and then we go and buy one pao. Fa Chai Here we come!
Guy A: Wah, you so smart ah!
Guy B: I am not smart, it just that I have a 3 year experience in working as a shop helper in Ah Beng R Us.
Guy A: Wah! Chio wei!

Scene 3: Opportunity Strikes
Guy walks over, grabs wallet, takes money, put it back and walk off.

Scene 4: Blind Motorcyclist
Dude runs over the man with the motor cycle.

Scene 5: Distracting Children
Children at the back making noise and annoying parents. Parents wishing they did not have so many kids and should have used protection since like ever.

Children making noise
Mom: Look kids dead guy
Kids: eee!! Let me see, no let me see, no I wan see!!! OOOO!!!!! YUCK!!!!! EEE!!!!!

Yeah, that's all I can think off, feel free to comment by giving other more creative and absurd scenarios.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Finals are coming!!!

I am so dead
I am so dead

So why the hell am I not studying?
I dunno, suddenly no inspiration to study
Yeah, prepare for my funeral
Please come.

Sunday, November 01, 2009


In my room
I turned my head and looked out
Rain pattering on my window
I look out on to the fields
Children having fun without a care

I turned and look down at my phone
You called me and I answered
You wanted us to be together
But there is this little thing that's holding me back

Its called distance
I wish you were holding me right now
But you couldn't
Cause you are so far away that I couldn't touch you
I want to feel your breath
I want to feel your kiss
But this thing called distance
Is breaking me apart

Seems so close
Yet so far
I need you right now
But you can only care from afar
Makes me wonder if it's all worth it

I know you are good
I know I like you too
But you are so far away
It does not make me feel safe

It's called distacne
I wish you were holding me right now
But you couldn't
Cause you are so far away that I couldn't touch you
I want to feel your breath
I want to feel you kiss
But this thing called distance
Is breaking me apart

I don't care how much you say you love me
I don't care whatever things you would do
All wanted is to be with you
But you are so far away
How can you expect me to love you

It's called distance
I wish you were holding me right now
But you couldn't
Cause you are so far away that I couldn't touch you
I want to feel your breath
I want to feel your kiss
But this thing called distance
is breaking me apart

How to behave in a cinmea.

How to behave in the cinema

  1. Watch the fucking movie
  2. Eat the fucking food
  3. Sit like any other normal person should
  4. Laugh when apporpriate
  5. Silent phone
  6. Keep kids under the age of five at home
  7. Seats are tight, keep legs together
  8. Refrain shaking legs
Right, this is how you are supposed to behave in the cinema.
But did most people do it? No.

I was watching Micheal Jackson's 'This is it' yesterday
First time I went there with my mom
Was it an enjoyable experience?
But we will leave that for another post
I will screw MBO, Spring and SESCO later
Right now, I want to screw those bloody bastards in the cinema who interrupted my inspiration of the cheography and creativity of the late Micheal Jackson.

Anyway, I was sitting there and guess what during the whole time?
I did not mind the guy was being energetic, after all I respect that
But sooner or later I found out that the bastard was mocking him
Honestly, I was trying to enjoy my movie and that fucking bastard screamed in the fucking theather
And you know it is hard to concentrate when the moves in protrayed in the dance becomes synonymous with cheesy 80s porn
Thank you bastard grunting sex noises in the cinema.

Then there are those bloody fucking children
These children should be left at home or grandma's or somewhere
Screaming and whining and being annoying as usual over spilled popcorn
Screw those children
Honestly, Spring should have a daycare center to dump these stupid kids at.

Then there are those bloody ones that are too old to be stuffed there
They take AGES and I mean AGES to choose a fucking seat
Those bloody fucking no brain, badly dressed little whores with their shoes screaming 'I am a young, underage Asian whore who charges 10 bucks an hour and 50 a night! Woo hoo! Oh I am feeling especially slutty today!Fuck and Suck for 30 Bucks! Plus I have no pussy hair!'

I honestly do not find people eating in the cinema, after all I do too
but there are people who want to display their fabulous chewing power by chewing loudly in the theather
And slurping their drinking cups like noodles
God, I cannot tell you how many times I feel that I should be the first Malaysian to murder someone with an iPhone.

Then there are idiots who forget to silent their phones
You know, one ring ruins the whole moment
Which sucks.
Screw those people who forget to silent their phones
Hoenstly Kuching Cinemas should have one of those societal marketing adverts like the cinemas in the UK.
I don't care if it's 20 Ringgit, I call it 4 Pounds
They display noises of ringing cell phones, idiots talking loudly and crying babies.
Then a slogan and silence.
Cool right?

Then, there are people who cannot seem to sit probably
I had one bad experience is that there was some idiot shaking his legs and causing my whole chair to vibrate, I don't know if he was kicking my chair or whatever
But I sure as hell feel like giving that person a good old Pedigree on the steps.

Then there is Ryan, who although is my brother is absolutely annoying.
Narrating to me
I can watch the fucking movie and do not need you to narrate, so shut the fuck up you little bastard.

God, honestly, if you want piece and quite, go buy a damn DVD player and a large screen TV, renovate a room into a home theater and have your very own popcorn machine.
There, silence and you no need to stuff yourself in the crappy cinema again.

Right, wait for a few days and I will tell you why I shold screw MBO, Spring and SESCO.

Oh cast of my life update!

Main Cast

Siaw Wee
Jia Jin
Kiat Seng

Recurring Cast
Debaters Club