Depressed

Things are not going as planned.
Haven't felt this down in a while
I have to say
Nothing interesting so far happening in my life
I guess I am slowly weaning off blogging.

Looking back, I have more friends now than before
I have very close friends who I miss almost everyday and are practically family.
I was busy with school and clubs.
Now, I actually have a lot of free time
But rather plan on staying home...
I don't know.
Felt like this shouldn't happen.
Its a challenging year for me.

Final year of study
Contemplating on whether to ever get this stupid accounting degree to good use
Whether will I ever make it in Hollywood when I am in actuality in the wrong country
Wrong career path as well by the way.

I wouldn't lie, I don't have friends in Australia here.
I am alone
It's tough sometimes you know
Knowing that friendships take time to grow and shit.
That this will take a while
Darn.
People have life and roots here, everything is so rooted and stable there.
It's hard for me to break in even.
Well, mainly because no one's been going through drama and shit yet.
I guess I probably have to put myself out more.

I need to be more comfortable here
I need to make Sydney my temporary home
It's not where I belong
But I need to make myself feel like I belong, just for a while.
Save enough cash and make that break.
Thing is
I want to do it
Why am I not doing it?

Asian Drivers

Kuching is not safe any more. It is no longer the quaint, polite and quiet small town that it has used to be. This is because of the presence of drivers who no longer care about the simple courtesy and safety of others on the road. The town that used to pride in hospitality and politeness has become an equivalently uncaring Asian city that is even more depressing by the lack of decent shopping malls. 

Motorcycles now hog the center of the road rather than allowing cars to pass through. Cars speed and shift between lanes repeatedly like they are racing while trying to overtake others. People do not use the indicator to indicate that they are changing lanes or turning in. It is common for someone to drive the wrong side of the road to get to a certain area because it's 'faster'. Traffic lights that were meant to regulate traffic and ensure the safety of all road users are now nothing but glorified colourful lamp posts. People now use the flash instead of the honk for some reason. The worse of all is when people try to take justice into their own hands by dangerously risking their lives and others by doing illegal manoeuvres just to punish someone. 

Most of you probably think that I am just being ridiculous or its just a concern from some faux intellectual that tries to be smart and show off his 'powderful England.' This is however, serious. I don't feel safe driving in Kuching roads. I actually hate driving period. If given what I wanted, I would actually buy myself a tank and cruise down the roads, knocking everything away in my path. Sucks to be you, the driver who has to suffer from my tank. At the very least, I know, I am safe.  

Bringing Back the Debate

I guess you can call it a comeback.
I have decided to make a comeback and head back into debating
Things is, the whole experiencing World Universities Championship in Berlin sounds very tempting
So I have indeed decided that I should go back to debating for one last hurrah
I am graduating next year and I want to make my final year memorable
Although it is going to be tough with new subjects that are obviously more difficult than ever
Adding towards juggling a new job in tow
Plus, my commitments to my first love in theatre.
I guess, next semester will be a wild one.
More updates soon, I promise :)

The Bitch is coming back

Sydney is fun, it is awesome here.
Although, yes, I do admit that my social life has not been exactly flowering the way I think its supposed to be with constant parties and stuff.
I felt that I do indeed made progress in what as I feel to be possible blooming of friendships.
Although I still want to have fun,
I do believe that it is time that I am going to have to take my life seriously.

I guess... maybe its time that I take my life seriously
Do the things I want to do as well as getting started in a career.
I guess the fact that life is moving on made me realize that it is time to make my move
I have a lot of aspirations but as usual I lack focus and direction.
I need to steer myself properly.
I need to release myself from the constraints that are imposed upon me
I have to realize that when I do things, I do it for me and no one else
I understand that there is a possibility of a lonely road ahead but hey, I have walked that road for 5 years, its not going to be a scary and unfamiliar one.
What is scary is leaving the familiar one
However, I am always known to break out and go my own way.

I guess this trip home is not one of pleasantry.
It is about wrapping up some unsolved shit.
Causing new trouble as well as fixing existing and potential ones
Sort of like a coming out of retirement for a goodbye tour.

As for now, I do feel that film, television and writing are what I wanted to do
Accounting is a safety net that I do not wish to need or rely upon
I felt fortunate to have experienced other possibilities that I can achieve in my life
But as to attain enlightenment and happiness, I know where the path lies.
The story goes on...
The adventure continues...
And most important of all
The bitch is back

Creativity, where are you?

It shouldn't be a problem right? Its just 2,000 words. I write novels okay? NOVELS
But yet, I am still creatively stifled about my contemporary france essay
Other than that, I have tons of other things to worry about

For one, I tried enrolling for my French Langauge and Culture 1 for next semester but I am not allowed to enrol due to some stupid requisite problem, I sent an e request to be allowed to be enrolled and until now, no reply.
Things have been pretty shit for me lately.
I am finding it difficult to find my new support system
I am having difficulty finding jobs
I am spending the next 3 months in KL and my hometown.
It's just a lot to take in
Plus, I am at that point where I feel I should be like making money now and not bumming around
And yet, I am.
Which sucks and its self defeating.
Exams are looming around the corner as well. 

Don't get me wrong, I mean I love it here
This place is awesome
Its just that something is missing
And the retarded enter button in this computer in the uni is fucking annoying.
That is not helping either.
I am creatively frustrated, my temper is certainly on the rise
Unlike before, I realize that I am bottling up my feelings most of the time now.
I need to let the drama out, maybe going back is the right move.
Either way, I will continue to grow, I will be strong.

But in all honesty, I feel like I should cut my hair or bitch about how the losers back home would treat the uni here.
I bet 10 bucks that they will think Building One of UTS is a shopping mall because of the escalators installed there.
It will be like this


Average Reasonable Person: Good, an escalator. It will serve its purpose nicely. *Walks up quickly while assited with the motion of escalator*


You Know Who: OMG, an escalator. *Stands and looks at scenery like she is cruising on shopping mall*. I feel like I am in a  mall *giggle*


Yeah, that sort of stuff. Anyway, ciao bellas. Gotta go deal with reality.

Its been a while

I shall now give the following excuses:

1. Drama, still nervous and trying to get my lines right. 
2. Exams soon
3. Need to finish Contemporary France essay. I am doing two even though only one is required as I need the quantity and liberty to choose to see which essay is the best possible candidate that can give me a freaking D and yes HD is 100% out of the question. 
4. Preparing handwritten notes for company law exam
5. Revising Accounting B
6. Kill of IBP assignment. 
7. Baking 
8. Gym
9. No inspiration
10. No drama
11. No anger
12. No angst
13. Not really emotional
14. Recalibrating emotions and sending it to a different output. 

Game on, Bitch

Things are getting a whole lot more busier in life right now.
I have 2 assignments due next week and a presentation on Friday.
Life has been pretty busy lately.
But I have to say its what I wanted
Having my assessments assessed that way.
However, it is sort of taking over my life.
Well, not exactly if you count the amount of hours I spent on facebook, watching tv shows, club duties and overall just plainly goofing off.

But yeah, it is taking over my life
I have been fessing and fretting all over it since for like ever.
Also I want this

 

Its a Lady Gaga, Born This Way 2GB Flash drive and it cost 74.95! 

Oh fuck me

Seriously, there is no way in hell I can afford that

Sigh

It looks so damn cool though.

Come on! Its Lady Gaga! 

Ok, I really really really should like stop blogging now

I have homework, one more piece of my company law assignment which shall be put on hold and my presentation which I have to do.

I am worried about my contemporary france now. 

Its a can pass but needs extra work for a HD and right now, chances of me getting that is slim.