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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To the dude who cut me off this morning

Hey Mr Bloody Fucking Irresponsible Asian Driver Who Thinks He Lays Every Single Stone on the Fucking Road and Paves Tarmac Over The Surface to Smooth Everything Out by Hand. You cut me off this morning and I have to say that, I, sir, am furious because you cut in front of me in a very dangerous manner while I am driving. You purposely squeezed your shitty second rate looks like it is about to fall off any second Daihatsu (you can get a Kancil dilwad, its the same shit) in front of my Proton Saga while looking at me as if it is no problem and nothing happened at all. After which you took out your circa 1980s really really large looking and shitty cell phone (obviously you are not from the 21st century) and made phone call while I was talking to my friend on my iPhone. Now obviously I have come from a better privileged background than yourself. You know, better parents and the wonders of cable television, internet and the obvious critical analysis and thinking adding in the natural writing flair of mine that is oh so amazingly eloquent and inspiring yet straight to the point at the same time. Of course that naturally bitchy attitude of mine that always mean that I am right and your wrong. Now, I am a very nice and forgiving person since I am a good natured soul who usually keeps his temper in check but at that moment I was angry and I am late and I am certainly not pleased with your driving ethics and actions on the road.

So now, I have already imagined the horrible things that I am going to do to you and I am going to vent them in my blog.

First of all, you are laying on the table, your hands and feet are chained and your body is spread wide. Oh, i almost forgot to mention that you are also in a dark room with a light hanging from above and also the fact that you are completely naked.

Now, I shall enter. Looking at you menacingly and yet seductively at the same time. You can also see an obvious and wide grin on my face while I allow my eyes to trail and observe your body. I circle around to allow my eyes to analyze your body from every angle. Admiring its obviously lacklusture built.

Now when you see me, you will see that I am holding not the usual knife, machete, axe or letter opener but a spoon. I shall use this spoon to gouge your guts out. I shall dig the spoon into your guts and then from there scooping up fat, blood and your intestines. Next, a meat tenderiser is used and it shall be used on your limbs. I would relish the fact that your limbs are neat and tender from the pounding they shall receive. Next I will intorduce to you a small nail clipper and its going to clip the tip of your dickhead.  After a nice dab of salt. I shall move on to your face, I would now introduce those little acupuncture pins and I shall pin them wherever I feel like but generally its all over your face. Next I shall make you rain blood by making holes all over your backside and make the blood drip and trail down. Next, I would stuff a rolling pin covered in barbed wire into your ass and make you eat habaneros at the same time.As you scream and relish in pain I would suddenly introduce clorox to clean the blood and you. Just when you are screaming at me to end your life so that you no need to suffer any more, I shall drill holes in to your brain and then after that, I would wire you with explosives  and then I would leave while you explode into nothingness.

Got it?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Allow me to introduce to you the Bratwurst
Which is also known as the burly bitchy ugly twin sister fo the hot dog
Famous in Germany (duh) and in Wisconsin where they are called brats or beer brats (if they are poached in beer that is)
They remind me of the look and shape of a human penis
See how there is a slight curve and a more enlarged tip compared to the middle part

As seen below, the shape of the bratwurst honestly resembles a penis

So yeah... it really looks like a penis...

I can tell you something though, it does not taste like a penis
Because its cooked. (Sicko)
The penis looking thing obviously is in a deep need of some serious flavouring, poached with beer and onions and then grilled with a slab of butter on each side.
Then I will call it bratwurst and not meat that looks and shapes like a penis
Cause you know, it looks like a penis.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Of Beer and Debating

You know, when someone hears of the word "debate", there are two kinds of naysayers

One side would say its a bunch of arrogant nerdy bastards who sit in the room and talk crap for an hour who have nothing better to do.

While the other side would fear it as it involves speaking in public.

Looking back, those were the two reasons why I wanted to join the debaters club in the first place. Not because I wanted to prove them wrong but to prove them that even though it is difficult and viewed as a non challenging sport but simply because I wanted to be an arrogant speaking bastard and I wanted people to fear me. I wanted to be regarded highly. I wanted to be king. I saw the Swinburne Debates Club not as an avenue to learn but as an avenue to exert control and of course to vent my frustrations.

But as I walk along the path of debaters and all about debating... I felt that my intentions that once was all about making a scene and walking tall... disappears. It was hard at first as I took somewhat of a hiatus from it to deal with the initial shock. Debating is about convincing people, it is about using words correctly and strategically place your statements properly so that it is the best avenue for you to convince people that you are right. It defintely at first make you an arrogant and aggressive person but once you past that you are back to your humble self albeit more wiser than you once were.

My last trip to Iskandar Debating Championship really opened my eyes on to what has happened in the debating scene. The reason why debaters come together and compete with each other is to not only test their abilities and strength in the sport but also meet new people and form friendships that will probably last a lifetime. Plus there is good money in it too.

But with the influence of alcohol, the party and the sharing of life stories and what not is what truly matters. It is where people bond and have fun and hang together like a bunch of BFFs even if it is for a few days... Would I do it all agian? Yes, definitely in a heartbeat.

I love this life as I felt that within these trips, I get to know more people, know people more and more about myself. True colours and what not fly high and I am extremely excited that I found out this little secret life. It is truly a gem.

Rafie, Kasun, Paul, Ashk, Raj, Crazy, Sophia, and Sailesh, it is great to know more about you... I hope I get to go more trips in the future wth you guys.

Nicholas, Brigitte, Kohta and Taro... it was great meeting you guys and I hope to meet you guys in the future. Hopefully in your countries and as a competitor rather than an adjudicator.

Life goes on in the life of Brendan Goh but I will definitely never forget the experience and even if I do, I still have facebook and my camera to remind me of the great time I had there. I guess this movie special has ended but the memories I have will rerun in my mind will have to suffice for now until I get to travel that is.
Pictures are up on facebook while the Brendzblog Legionaires will have to wait a while, hope you guys are on my friends list, if not, add me... lol.