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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Ah Lian and Ah Beng driving song

This should be the song that is a MUST to hump the Ah Lian and Ah Beng playlist.
Plagiarized (sort of) from Rihanna's Shut Up and Drive
Here we go ppl

Shut Up and Watch Me drive

I am looking for something that is qualifed
Myvi, Kenari or any Cibai
As long as it's new and makes me look good
After that pimp it up so that it looks cute

So if you wanna know know know
Come on know, what are you waiting for for for
My engine is ready to explode explode explode
After that just look and watch me go go go go

Watch me drive in my super sweet ride
Working on my makeup during red light
Hogging the fast lane in my pride
Cause I want everyone to watch me drive

Brake from 80-0 in o.5
With my monokuro boo keys
Shut up and watch me drive.

I got class like animal crap
With my Kueh Chap just hanging at the back
Pork is my favorite thing to eat
Cause I am also a pig, can't you see?

So if you wanna know know know
Come on know, what are you waiting for for for
My engine is ready to explode explode explode
After that just look and watch me go go go go

Watch me drive in my super sweet ride
Working on my makeup during red light
Hogging the fast lane in my pride
Cause I want everyone to watch me drive

Brake from 80-0 in o.5
With my monokuro boo keys
Shut up and watch me drive.

Oh my god, its the cops
have to stop, and get ready what i got
act cute like the powerpuff girls
then add 50 ringgit
then continue and watch me drive

So if you wanna know know know
Come on know, what are you waiting for for for
My engine is ready to explode explode explode
After that just look and watch me go go go go

Watch me drive in my super sweet ride
Working on my makeup during red light
Hogging the fast lane in my pride
Cause I want everyone to watch me drive

Brake from 80-0 in o.5
With my monokuro boo keys
Shut up and watch me drive.
Shut up and watch me drive
Shut up and watch me dirve

'Kah Ni Neh er, u see me?
So sat in my 9.90 mini-skirt from AH lain are us, eh
take picture liao
Cute whorxxxx'

My first 2 days in Swinburne

First of all, I would like to say to the beloved script writers of the WWE,


He is WAY WORSE than any ah lian or ah beng doing ECW commentary.
Raw is so dead, now I am going to hear Lilian Halls, Coffee Kingston, Jammy Nobel, Candy Mitchell, Chris Jellico and John Sena.

Back to my first two days, classes are okay. Not that good, yet not that horrible. Still trying to adjust over there, cause well I still don't feel comfortable. Met Mian Saing and Hsun Yuan so at least I have my little gang of friends, not much of a familia but sure its okay.

But on the social point of view and my adaptability to the school might take sometime. Well, I am a little more gloomy than usual as I am not used to my surroundings. The place is like so HOT! Everyone seems, well, falling in to their won group. I mean, some of the foundation kids on my semester already made their own little posse and stuff. Won't be long till they join the lets-hold-a-barbie-outside-like-a-bunch-of-hobos club.

Still I don't fit in and I still don't dare to go to these places in campus alone.
  • The Cafeteria
  • Chillipeppers
  • Gym
  • Library
  • Computer Room
  • Lounge
  • Practically everywhere
I have no balls, lol
And I am very quiet too, shy too.
Just smile at people, that's all.
I spend my lunch at Spring, alone
It has sort of become my home, in a way.

Plus, I found a new Jenny and Eric, God does love to torture me so much. huh?
Luckily they are engineering students.
They are like Jenny and Eric, only they look more smarter than trash, lol.
But there are like
4 AH LIANS IN SOME OF MY CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not 1, not 2, not 3
freaking 4
4 stupid looking ah lians
with their trashy fashion and dangling flying mutated chihuahuas
Plus I saw them checking in their emails and stuff
Looking at junk
In their shitty 9.90 clothes from some grocery store.
They hang out together like Sex and the City...
Ah Lian Kuching style.

I am so dead in Swinburne.
Plus, I noticed someone with a mop of hair that looks like SHIT
and the voice sounds so damn familiar.
Like Hubert and like he has a girlfriend or something.
New Eric and Jenny?
Those of you who know him just tell me
I just wanna know some of the gossip
and you bet that I am going to stir some of my own
I just don't know how.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Be Jealous

My Maxt can play videos!!!!!!!!
Music Videos
Touch My Body by Mariah Carey
Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield
Leavin' by Jesse McCartney
When I Grow Up by The Pussycat Dolls
Break The Ice by Britney Spears.
I am so happy right now
Maxt can't wait for his debut!
But before he flies in with me into Swinburne grounds,
enjoy this little trailer

After Eight

The eight most depressing thing in Malaysia is...
My brother, RYAN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate him so much that I am so damn lazy to post his pic up.
I have to be his babysitter, maid, chef, punching bag, toilet flusher, diaper changer etc etc etc
and he is only 10
so young right?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


What has been going on with me now is a fight.
I felt like I have to fight for everything.
I felt like I have to struggle, scrimp and strive for everything now.
Its hard to see that you can't have anything you want and yet, the others who are not as privileged as you are take it away from you.
I know that I was never to remain in Kuching.
Ever since I hit eighteen, i knew that I was never meant to be here.
I felt like I have no purpose to belong here.
I felt like I belong somewhere else.
I am a bird meant to migrate away and spread my wings to explore.

Honestly, to me. This is the end for Kuching
This is the end for me in Kuching
There's nothing here for me.
I am like Dr.Addison Montgomery
Who needs to start anew in a new place.
But fates can't do it can they?
Not when finances are not on your side.
So I am stuck in shitty Kuching
Going to Swinburne with probably a few of my ex classmates there.
So honestly, dunno what to do.
I want to start afresh meaning NO EX-CLASSMATES or SCHOOLMATES

Saturday, July 19, 2008

To the nines

So ladies and gentlemen, its time for the selection ceremony
The ninth most depressing thing in Malaysia is...
Ah Beng/Lian Cars
Yes, the seriously 'pimped out' vehicles of our nation's inventions takes the ninth spot on my list.
Lets look at a few examples of the greatly amateur pimped cars not done by the X himself and GAS Customs.

Everyman has a dream, this is a dream of a man who is known as an Ah Beng. Look how LOW the side bumps are? I don't know the actual name for these things. (Like you know how much is a Valentino worth and currently reading Sun Tzu's quotes at the same time.) But if you know, I will gladly correct it.

Another dream, I call this, if Malaysia has a Gotham City, and we have our very own Batman, This will be Ah Beng Freeze's car. Owh wait! WE DO! KELUANG MAN!!!!!!!!!! IN KL!!!!!!!

These days driver's license are so easily issued.Nowadays everyone drives, Ah Beng drives, Ah Lian drives. Even the Lau Zha Bor drives. The difference is HOW way they drive. Here's how they do it.

Ah Beng likes to:

  • drives like a desperate maniac as if his mother is in labour
  • When crossing a speed bump, he has to turn a little to the side to cross the bump so that one wheel has crossed before maneuvering the car again to cross the other side so that the side bump doesn't get scratch and thinks its so cool to do that.
  • blasts his trashy, crappy, annoying techno music in a very loud way that if you were outside the car, all you hear is large thumping of bass. They think noise pollution is so COOL!
  • Has one hand on the outside with a cigarette in between his middle and index finger while one hand on the steering wheel in a relaxed manner like he's so cool (in actual fact he's not cause he drives with an auto gear. You are not a man if you cannot drive a stick)
  • Can't hijack a Ford Focus but make his Kelisa look like one (cause he's too inexperience, trashy and poor to have one)
  • tailgate as if your car is his girlfriend in which he wants to kiss as often as possible
  • speeds off once the traffic light turn green as though if his car is ahead of everybody's car, he would win this coming RM5 million Toto jackpot draw and the fact that he also watches too much Tokyo Drift and now he wants to create Kuching Drift! What? Got KL Drift right?
  • crossing and slithering in and out between lanes during slow traffic as if his car was reincarnated as snakes in his past lives
  • think his Perodua Kancil fitted with a L200 turbo engine fitted with a large blow-off valve is a sports car which everyone would have to make way for him or pay homage to him. I.E. Kissing his ass and worship him as if he is the fucking God of Speed himself, Mercury.

Ah Lian likes to:

  • Eat, drink or beautify herself (as if she's a celebrity) while waiting for the traffic light to turn green as if she's leads such a busy life that she has no time for food, water, beauty and personal hygiene.
  • wait until your car is also kisses her car's ass, then only they go out of the junction, so that you get a taste of their car's smelly rear.
  • brakes from 80-0 in 0.5 when they see the traffic light shine the orange light, again this is for you to kiss her ass, like she wants you to shut up and watch her drive. (based on shut up and drive lyrics)
  • honks, pons, beeps for no stupid reasons eg. honking at pedestrian standing at the sidewalk just in case if they jump out all of a sudden in an attempt to commit suicide
  • hogs the fast lane, thinking that her granddaddy actual used his two hands and pave the cement for the road.
  • send regards to everyone's zhou zhong sap pat thoi as if her driving is 1st class in the whole wide world

So based on the descriptions I've given you on what Ah Lian's and Ah Beng's phenomenally sensationally PATHETIC driving skills, can you identify which car below is driven by them?

So who drives this Toyota Vios?


Ah Beng. Why? See the rim? The tinted fog lamp and the stickers? Only Ah Beng would do that. Think this is caused when his gf accidentally shifted "his gear" during their "driving session". Haha.

Got it correct?

Try this: Proton Waja

Ans: This is a normal guy who, well, thinks like a normal person and assume that when the car in front is going at 80km/h and the traffic light turns yellow, and he can pass the line so he speeds up so he can beat the lights but a law abiding crazy Ah Lian slammed on to the brakes on the spot because she scared that there are surveillance cameras installed in the lights. So what happened U know la?

Got it correct?

Here's a few more for you to guess who drives which but I'll
just leave it to you to figure out he answer.

Nice Myvi eh?

OMFG, I am so not going to drive an Accord~!

"Gen.2... simply astonishing"

"Savvy....Built Tough"

Note to self: Buy a hummer or a monster truck or even better... a TANK . So if they langgar you or you langgar them because they careless, you boh su, they ki eo pang where we all say TIME OF DEATH... 3.33.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The top 10 depressing things in Malaysia.

Ladies and gentleman, I bring you the top ten most depressing things in Malaysia.
This list of things and stuff about my post will be under the list this label.
So if you want to know about the list of things.
You have a 'list this' label to help you.
Well, lets start with number ten shall we?
Drum rolls please.
*Drum rolling*

And at number ten of the top 10 of most depressing things in Malaysia goes to...

Malaysian Slang!

Yes, Ladies and gentleman, this is the tenth most depressing thing in Malaysia.

Why, you may ask?
Like a base or foundation ie at the bottom.
Malaysian Slangs and its language Manglish
is depressing because some people are not fully fluent in all languages.
So we have to talk to them in Manglish
A mixture or rojak of words in English, Melayu, Hua Wen and some other dialect usually Guang Dong or Hokkien can be linked in a sentence to communicate someone.
Tenses, grammar and other stuff are excluded (making this a very easy language)
As long as ppl get it, you are in the clear really.

And then the more depressing part is some people don't understand your english unless their is a 'la', 'mah', 'loh' and whatever extra slang they use.

For example:
A: Its like this.
B: Like what? Hah? i dun understand worhxxxxx

A: Like this gua
B: Owh, like this hah?
A: Ya lah:
B: Oh thank you thank you
*Proceeds to talk about ah beng/lian crappery

Dpressing ain't it?
More coming soon.

Friday, July 11, 2008

New Casa La 7 site.

Thank you AINI!!!!!!
For helping me out with the new Casa La 7 site and for giving me a NEW HEADER.
I look so hot, ahahahahahaaha!!!!!
Well, the new site name is...
Gavin has found a boyfriend 8 years his senior, where the boyfriend took him dancing and probably got into his pants an ass by now but whatever.
Desmond 'married' a dude who he only dated for TWO months.
Anna and Lawrence lost their virginity before Lawrence says bye bye to Kuching and took a damn plane all the way to Melbourne, Australia.
While Brendan is going to Swinburne, who will meet new friends and old ones and will probably join his classmates in tacky, hobo barbecues, drink kiddie soda, talk in Ah beng/lian crappery and sing karaoke songs till we break our vocal chords.

Bottom line, I am punishing my friends for ignoring my blog for the past month cause they are too busy sulking in their scrawny, pathetic lives and I, suffered the worst fate, having to see all those shitty people again. PMS is starting again, getting angry for no reason again, God felt so philosophical.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

This time its newspapers.

I am so goddamn mother fucking pissed!
The Star, actually has the sense to do this?
I just found out about it, and hell, I AM ANGRY.
Like the Ah Beng/ Lian blog, my comments are blow, in brackets

(nice title and new word 'decadence' so write it down kiddies)

KUALA LUMPUR, July 8(Bernama) – Literally, the term homosexual refers
to sexual relationship between the same gender, either man and man or woman and
(Oh God, like nobody don't know that?)

Homosexuality is usually contrasted with heterosexuality and bisexuality.
(Wow, so scientific -.-ll)

Traditionally, the term gay is used predominantly to refer to homosexual males,
(Hey, seriously, we don't live up in trees in the jungle and hunt wild boars all day, we know what it means, douche)

while lesbian is a gender-specific term that is only used for homosexual
(hey, Malaysia got a lot of these, especially Chinese Ah Lians)

The term homosexual is also used for the same-sex sexual relations between
persons of the same sex who are not gay or lesbian.
(This is a first, The structure, the words and everything else is spot on but I still don't understand what the hell is he saying, wow)

In the West, the morally wrong and corrupt homosexual act has turned into a
sort of plague, spreading its tentacles far and wide, engulfing individuals with
the tendency of adopting this immoral self-indulgence.
(There, we go, blaming the West again like its a disease, plague or something bad, honestly, we should get rid of everything Western like MICROSOFT, ADIDAS, NIKE'S, Britney Spears, KFC, Pizza Hat, ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE and stuff. Its not corrupt, you should look at those ministers and political officials, now that is what EVERYONE calls CORRUPT and SCREW-UP. Its only that you people are two 'BLIND' to see it. Immoral self-indulgence? Smoking, Rape, Murder, Drugs, Racism, Inflation and Embezzlement is immoral self indulgence. How can homosexuality is branded as 'immoral self-indulgence'? Everyone masturbates once in a while.)

In the country today, the 'gay' lifestyle is believed to have sprouted
rampantly. A point to note is the mushrooming of the gay clubs.
(This is just so BIASED, terming the word gay like its an informal use of English, haven't you heard? The word gay can be used in writing essays now, its an offical word according to Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary. In articles like this, you must have a fair opinon, if I was your editor, I will fire you in 3 seconds. An insult, really)

A news report yesterday came out with a revelation that shocked
many, gay comics, said to be sold at RM50 each, is believed to be a hot item
among those aged 25 and above.
(Not RM 50, between RM43 to Rm 49.90, Its called Yaoi Manga and its available at MPH, Kinokuniya and Borders and yes I have some)

But the question is that, is this upsetting trend is mushrooming?
(Yes and its great)

The Malaysian Muslim Consumers Association (PPIM) secretary-general, Datuk
Dr Maamor Osman, said the homosexual act in the country had grown to a worrying
(Worrying? Oh, wait. A MUSLIM association, right. A douche bag that lives on tress that passes off more as a bomoh or a cultish shaman than a doctor)

The tendency to perform homosexual acts is there, as shown by the
proliferation of gay bars, Dr Maamor, who is also a general medical
practitioner, told Bernama.
"In the Quran, it is said that Allah the Al-Mighty had obliterated Luth's
people for their indulgence in homosexual acts.
"There is no forgiveness for such debauchery, to the extent that it angers
Allah the Al-Mighty," said Dr Maamor.
(Okay, the Quran again, yeah in the Quran, Gays are stoned to death. Thank God, don't have a bin between my names. Dude, there is even a gay sauna and a gay park.)

On the health aspect, Dr Maamor said homosexuals who indulge in anal
intercourse are prone to various risks.
(If you don't know, he is talking about guys people, since girls don't have sticks.Lmao, girls can only do the scissor sister.)

"Each of the human organs has their respective systems including blood
circulation, nerves, immunity and other systems. The woman's sexual organ, and
hormones are different from that of the man.
(Hey, everyone knows that, okay. Women have boobs and men don't, men have sticks and women don't. I don't know why they right this like its something interesting since it can't be for us who go to school cause we know about it, and can't be those who don't go to school since, they know its different and know how to do it.)

"There are specialised cells for certain functions. Unfortunately for some
humans, they resorted to commit deviations," he said.
(Apparently, Malaysian doctors think the public is goddamn stupid,even though they are idiots themselves)

According to Dr Maamor, the human's gastro-intestinal system begins right
from the mouth until the anus. The system is outfitted with specialised cells
for the digestion and absorption of food.
(Hey, there is a name for this, I don't know what name but it has a name cause i don't study medical and Grey's Anatomy hasn't has an episode where a man has priapism whille fucking another dude. Mister Moron here, studies and practises medicine and doesn't know the name.)

"There is the rhythmic (intestinal) muscle movement, known as peristalsis.
And if this system is disturbed, like when anal intercourse occurs, it will
invite damage to the person's physical, emotional and spiritual attributes.
(It doesn't damage, it euphorates. But being fucked is like shitting a large piece of shit only it goes in and out, in and out)

"As this system is not for erroneous acts, it invites various risks like
the Aids, hepatitis, haemorrhoids and septicemia (bacterial infection of the
blood)), said Dr Maamor, adding that this unnatural sex act also provokes
various sexually transmitted diseases".
(There is a thing called a CONDOM, douche bags and its AIDS, not the AIDS, not taboo okay, everyone, even Amish Christians know about it.)

The Malaysian Islamic Youth Movement (Abim) president Yusri Mohamad said
that a homosexual act is a serious immoral and criminal offence.
(Another idiot that comes from some tree, and its not immoral, its love. Its not criminal as no idiot arrests people for having sex. Oh, wait Malaysians invented arresting people for having sex. MALAYSIA BOLEH. So if you want to have sex, produce a marriage license or in future, the I-Am-Allowed-To-Engage-In-Sexual-Acts license.)

"There is no difference between a homosexual act and adultery. Hence,
severe punishment should be handed down against homosexuals. Prevention and
punishment must be executed", said Yusri.
(Again its for the Muslims, do this on Chinese, Malaysia is ruled by Pakatan Rakyat)

He said the 'doors' that invite people to commit this sin should be
permanently closed and sealed.
(There are no doors, only assholes, AHAHAHAHA. Corruption and Bribery is a larger sin as homosexuality has love while Corruption and Bribery has lazy ass, dumb twit and greed.)

"Take immediate action against centres or clubs where the homosexuals
gather, like revoking the operating licence.
(Okay, gather in front of Mamaks, and any government residence and or function instead of clubs)

"Websites and magazines that may have room for homosexual-oriented messages
should be monitored and action taken against them," he said.
(Spoken like a true idiot, democracy and freedom of speech is one-sided in this country)

Yusri calls on the authorities to conduct raids, akin to that held for
drug-prevention operations at nightspots and entertainment centres.
Hence, the government is seen as taking stern and firm action to curb this
moral decadence, unlike the western nations that provide the so-called 'freedom'
to such debauchery.
(S-T-U-P-I-D. Again with with blaming people who brought you the things you love, biting the hand that feeds is so not good for a minature country.)

(CAN BE ACCEPTED, look at the more advanced countries)

"There is not much account on homosexuals in the Indian community, in some
cases there are bisexuals but that is not their wishes.
(Yeah, mostly its the Malays who are seen wearing high heeled boots from their sis, jeans from their moms and earrings from their grandmother)

"Even the Hindu religion does not accept homosexual practices", the
Malaysian Hindu Sangham president Datuk A.Vaithilingam told Bernama.
Vaithilingam calls on parents to exercise caution in and give the issue a
serious look in the efforts to prevent their children from being trapped in the
homosexual clutches.
(Its a lifestyle, they are who they are, cannot change that, or what send all homos to some kind of NS and torture them?)

He said the community should be exposed to education and counselling on the
homosexual topic to create awareness among the public on the ills and evils of
this felony.
(Its not a felony, its not evil, you people either came here from some time machine or the media found you in a tree, created lies and bitch, giving you your fifteen minutes of fame in media whoring. Plus you mispelled counseling)

Serious attention should also be given against illicit sexual relations in
order to prevent it from becoming a menace to the society.
(Again not a menace, not illicit. Its a wonder how these katak under tempurungs have such great vocabularty at blastpheming something they consider something 'abnormal')

This act, which is like a malignant cancer, should not be allowed to spread
its tentacles, as it threatens to bring destruction and devastation to the
(Again with tentacles like a poisonous jellyfish. WAH, 'destruction and devastation to the society'
Corruption and bribery does this, being gay is just finding love, nothing much. Honestly, how do they have this kind of 'chim' vocabulary and still live in a tree? If its a malignant cancer, its already spreaded, the damage is too bad to be done already.)

Hence, education for the youngsters particularly for those in schools and
universities is crucial to prevent the society from being engulfed by this
immoral act.
(Youngsters, hah. Only old people say that. Its not immoral okay.)

In this context, Dr Maamor concurs with Vaithilingam that the parents need
to boost their knowledge in order to shoulder the immense task of preventing
their offsprings from being drawn into the evils of homosexual acts.
(Okay, organise a campaign, lets see if it works. Honestly, if kids are, they are gay. That's it. Period.)

Parents should not feel embarrassed if they ask for advice and counselling
from the experts to overcome this issue.
(I hear frogs croaking under the well)

Dr Maamor also calls on the Islamic Advancement Department (Jakim) to adopt
an approach where doctors and psychiatrists can brief mosque officials on the
issue apart from setting up the integrated referral centres at the mosques.
Similar concepts can be applied at institutions for the other religions in
the country, he said.

Dr Maamor said the Information Ministry can use the electronic media to
disseminate information on the warfare against this social scourge.
"We may be giving the wrong impression as if the authorities are tolerating
this immoral act", he said.
(Its is tolerable, this issue is almost invisible and not much of a concern really)

Meanwhile Yusri calls on the authorities to monitor artistes and actors
that portray the 'feminine' image.
"We are not saying that all of the womanly males as gays but many of the
gays are from this group.
(Wow, all you Ah Kuas hear this okay, if you are an AhKua, you might get arrested! Seriously, the number of butches (masculine gays) are more than queens (feminine gays) in this country.)

"We do not wish these people to be used as the illustration and model", he
(You know that Mawi projects this right? He probably says men cannot go for facials and pampering and wear foundation. As much as using a facial cleanser means that you are feminine)

Clearly, the homosexual phenomenon is against the human's natural behaviour
and should be swiftly and firmly dealt with.
(Tsk, Tsk, Tsk. It is, its human, human have brains, brains think like this so its natural)

Not everyone wants to see the country to be overwhelmed by the influx of
moral decadence that erupt from those who are out to draw the people into the
dark ages of morality.
(I bet the golden ages was when you live in trees fucking your wife eight to ten times a day, these guys think that women should be barefoot and pregnant or something. And besides, the straight guys has more women to fuck with. So you bigot muslim can have as much wives as you want and have as much kids as you want.)

People, Malaysia is a haven for radical Muslim Christian religion, cause us modern people that are so called abnormal have no freedom of speech.

I am so VAIN.

Vanity, narcissism, self absorbed, call it whatever you want.
Its me okay, I am who I am.
You don't like it then deal with it.
My typing yeah has serious typos at times but whatever.
You know, not to sound very much of a cocky, showy jackass but you can actually differentiate the Ah Bengs or Ah Lians aka the so-called normal people from the 'weird', 'crazy', 'psychotic' abnormal people that are actually normal and are in-sync with the more technologically advanced, cosmopolitan lifestyles of everyone living in urban jungles and suburbia.

See, from my seriously short but very informative and fruitful two years in blogging
My expertise in creating controversies, bitter spats and bitching about other people with my in-your-face, hurts-you-so-hard, snide, revoltingly detailed vocabulary has allowed me to differentiate and evaluate to know who are the trashy people and who are the classy ones.
So how do I know how to differentiate? Well, quite simple really.

List of Ah Beng/Lian's opinion on my blog:
A picture is worth a thousand words, write less, more pics, more interesting.
Always scole people one, nothing interesting
Hah? Me no SPIAK Engelishi.
Ai yo, Ang Mo Chim Chim, Tao Hin Hin.
Lei Mou Gau Cho Ah, Lei Kong Meh Wah?
Your use of Inggeris is so high, I cannot understand what you talk, hehe.
Ai yo, so blur blur.
EEE, you hav sex meh? Scary.
Aiyo, smile la, like mine, pic cute cute de ah, Whorxxxxxxx

List of Actual people's opinion on my blog
Its interesting
I love the witty comments
I completely understand your essence in writing, its very natural, and real funny
The way you write intrigues me, the words, the structure, polished of with witty, comical comments that are snide yet meaningful.
Aggresive to its finest.
You really know how to take your frustrations to the next level and make something productive out of it.
Funny yet meaningful, if your blog was a paperback, it will be a definite good read under the sun.
The writing is raw and fresh, and it still is even after reading it, time and time again.

These are actual comments from friends, from almost every race and gender (okay, no transgender, haven't met one.) The actual people's are real comments, only I make it look like I am recieving rave reviews from critics!!!! The AH Bengs and Ah Lians are essentially those pro-eastern, hypocritical, panda eating freakshows.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

A typical Ah Beng or Ah Lian blog

These days are like so absolutely boring
and I have gone completely bonkers about it.
My social ladder is on the down side of the apples and pears.
Its totally tom tit
Can't find a china plate to go out with
and no brass to fuck with
(Am speaking a very foreign English Language, if you know means you either understand or you are from the East End of England)
Okay enough pony, time to do my Ah Beng/Lian post.
I have decided to search for one
since I dunno how to make one
What? Brendan maybe versatile and adaptable in most situations like a chameleon
But in Ah Beng/ Lian literary and as well as in bed, not to mention in school
I am always the bottom.
Forgive me since I can't help myself, I am going to put my opinions in brackets.

I found the blog and OH MY GOD
There were these stupid pics of 'emo' acting girls
You know acting emo but cute at the same time and think that its 'romantic'
with the stripes and the dress and the blah blah blah.
God and the PIGS WERE ANNOYING!!!!!!!
God its pigs and pandas and porks and frogs
food with faces
its like a freaking non-kosher (non-halal to Muslims) cornucopia extravaganza over there!!!
I litrerally had to run to the bathroom,
God, I think my bulimia is acting up again.
So here is the post
Opinions is below

Today din do anything
(din, the Manglish short cut)
Wake up very late
(good to know, I went to Kuching before)
Sleep like
(you? pig? yeah a malnourished one)
( I don't get that, don't ask, Bengs/Lians do this)
I hate ppl asking me to study what
(Uh, Oprah/Tyra/Ellen, tell her teens are facing the same damn problem)
I do hav choice anymore…
(you do or you don't?)
Study form 6 loh…
(trash like you? nah, go and work as a maid better, you can get fucked by your employer's son)
I hav problem in applying ptptn
(Its HAVE, not hav)
So can go in college 1st
(huh? you are as confusing as Sanskrit Scriptures)
But I think I will go to apply after form 6
(sure, whatever, be a year later thaqn most of us)
Coz on that time my dad is coming back from Brunei
(I have been to Brunei too, stayed at the luxurious Emperor Hotel)
My uncle want me to study nursing
(WTF? You? A nurse? Hah, future 007)
If really one to learn,
(its WANT)
my mom want me to go to Australia to learn
(with your level of English and Trashiness, please. Aussieland has enough of unprivelaged squatters like you)
I don like medical field
(its DON'T or DO NOT or DUN)
“then be teacher lah”
(Teacher? *plans to raise kids in London*)
My mom say
No one with fire you
(I think she means 'no one will hire you')
I had been a student
(I HAVE BEEN, watch the grammar)
So I noe how a student bully I teacher
(Its KNOW, again Manglish shortcut. With your level of discipline at your Tepung School, its a shocker, really)
If I’m fierce enough maybe I will be a teacher
(If you are, (yeah right))
ROAR…tiger teacher..hehe…
(more like Puan Tikus ala Ugly)
I want to learn design…
(Catherine Yeo aka Boring Girl syndrome)
But many of my relative does not seem to encourage me to study it
(DO NOT SEEM, grammar again, GO BACK TO PRIMARY 1)
I noe from they face
(Seriously, go for interest, be happy, its your life to screw)
Most of my relative are engineer, business or in medical field
(AH, the three choices of career that the douche chinese acknowledges it exists)
They does believe design field can give me enough food to eat
(I seriously don't know what the hell is she talking about, its more confusing than General Hospital)
(Stupid word again)
Stupid thnking huh?
(Its THINKING and yes you ARE STUPID)
Actually they say is right
(Typical Boring Girl in its finest)
If u don work hard enough
(everyone has to scrape their asses off and work hard, not only you)
Many ppl think that ppl work or learn in design field r not good in their studies
(WOW, that is a total HYPOCRITICAL remark, they are creative, left brain's better than the right)
Do you think so?
(No, my bitch, future boyfriend and I are smart and are good in the studies, we just choose design cause WE LIKED IT, A LOT!)
So that why I don talk a lot with my relatives now
(Then why the hell are you blogging this CRAP)
I don like the way they say me
(I also DON'T like the way mine did, so what?)
So just keep myself is the best
(Keep TO yourself and yes, the only statement I agree)

Just so you know, I have the short cut syndrome so not gonna be a hyprocrite, its unintentional, so whatever

Thursday, July 03, 2008


I would like to apologize to you guys,
cause there not be a new Casa La 7 episode this week.
Its postponed till next week,
so look for it from Saturday onwards.
Its not that I am busy nor I have a writer's block
Its just that I am addicted to Grey's Anatomy
I have the season 1 and 2 DVDs
and I got hooked again
and I watched it again
Just like Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, Brothers and Sisters and of course, Charmed
So yeah, not doing my job
If you people not satisfied sure.
Here's my suggestion:
Buy a plane ticket to send my BFF/Bitch/Slut/Boyfriend/Husband/Partner/McCreamy Aaron Tan all the way from Miami, Florida over to Kuching and help me with the stories while he pounds my ass, competes with me in SoulCalibur 3, shares ice cream and gasps at the Grey's Anatomy drama.
Yeah, yeah we have new nicknames again
Paris and Nicole
Candice and Maria
The Beautiful People
and now
McCandy and McCreamy

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Lets face the facts.

As a child, I always knew I was destined for greatness.
I was a smart, jolly kid with little worries in the world.
Sure I am a brat but I pay my dues.
I know that I never deserved to be here
I wasn't meant to be here.
However, I don't know if I was brainwashed to think like this
or it was just meant to be.

You see, when I was young
My paternal side is always blabbering about Australia
Saying 'When you grow up, you will go to Australia to study'
Then whenever I misbehave they will say things like
'If you behave like that then you don't need to go to Australia'
'Nobody in Australia shouts like that'
'If you act like that, you would be beaten up when you are in Australia'
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Well, I am eighteen now, where is my trip to Australia?
Where is the OH SO GOOD AUNT that promises me all the OH SO GOOD Australian things?
Where is it?
Well, let me tell you, the promises are like the threats
I can't believe that I am such a douche bag.

I don't know about my brothers
but I bet Ryan or Darren or even both are going to go to Australia just like that
Cause my dad favors them both.
What does Brendan do?
Brendan stays in Kuching, help out the parents I guess.
Hah, one things for sure,
If I graduate in Swinburne, Kuching or in Malaysia
Consider my parents have lost one son.
I always thought I can either be an actor in Australia
or use Australia as a stepping stone to LA.
Its my real ambition to see me on screen.
But the fact that I am still in Kuching sucks.

As for Carmen, you know why I was so interested in the guy who committed suicide in the Sarawak River?
Well, its cause I wonder
Is he just like me?
Whose dreams are crushed?
No will to live?
Or is it that he knew its the biggest impact to cause sorrow on the parents?
I don't agree the dead thing though
But I want to seem dead to them
Cause if this happens, if my life is forever in this shitty town,
My father and the whole paternal side are dead to me.
That's how I feel.
Knowing that your child died may cause only sorrow
But knowing that your child is alive but he doesn't acknowledge that you are, causes sorrow and anger.

These days, my dad's importance list is like this
1. Toto
2. His job and rep
3. 4D
4. Cashsweep
5. Telelink
6. Buddha Idols (so that he can have more money on lotto)
7. Feng Shui (also on lotto, 'enhancing wealth')
8. Golf
9. His friends
10. Ryan
Somewhere below: His wife
Somewhere lower than his wife: ME.

Seriously, he only calls to see how's my mom and bros are doing, never about me.
Then he spends more money on lotto in a week
than my own allowance
RM75.60 on TOTO per week
RM50 on Brendan's allowance per month
See? Not kidding.