Click it! You know you want it.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

To the dude who cut me off this morning

Hey Mr Bloody Fucking Irresponsible Asian Driver Who Thinks He Lays Every Single Stone on the Fucking Road and Paves Tarmac Over The Surface to Smooth Everything Out by Hand. You cut me off this morning and I have to say that, I, sir, am furious because you cut in front of me in a very dangerous manner while I am driving. You purposely squeezed your shitty second rate looks like it is about to fall off any second Daihatsu (you can get a Kancil dilwad, its the same shit) in front of my Proton Saga while looking at me as if it is no problem and nothing happened at all. After which you took out your circa 1980s really really large looking and shitty cell phone (obviously you are not from the 21st century) and made phone call while I was talking to my friend on my iPhone. Now obviously I have come from a better privileged background than yourself. You know, better parents and the wonders of cable television, internet and the obvious critical analysis and thinking adding in the natural writing flair of mine that is oh so amazingly eloquent and inspiring yet straight to the point at the same time. Of course that naturally bitchy attitude of mine that always mean that I am right and your wrong. Now, I am a very nice and forgiving person since I am a good natured soul who usually keeps his temper in check but at that moment I was angry and I am late and I am certainly not pleased with your driving ethics and actions on the road.

So now, I have already imagined the horrible things that I am going to do to you and I am going to vent them in my blog.

First of all, you are laying on the table, your hands and feet are chained and your body is spread wide. Oh, i almost forgot to mention that you are also in a dark room with a light hanging from above and also the fact that you are completely naked.

Now, I shall enter. Looking at you menacingly and yet seductively at the same time. You can also see an obvious and wide grin on my face while I allow my eyes to trail and observe your body. I circle around to allow my eyes to analyze your body from every angle. Admiring its obviously lacklusture built.

Now when you see me, you will see that I am holding not the usual knife, machete, axe or letter opener but a spoon. I shall use this spoon to gouge your guts out. I shall dig the spoon into your guts and then from there scooping up fat, blood and your intestines. Next, a meat tenderiser is used and it shall be used on your limbs. I would relish the fact that your limbs are neat and tender from the pounding they shall receive. Next I will intorduce to you a small nail clipper and its going to clip the tip of your dickhead.  After a nice dab of salt. I shall move on to your face, I would now introduce those little acupuncture pins and I shall pin them wherever I feel like but generally its all over your face. Next I shall make you rain blood by making holes all over your backside and make the blood drip and trail down. Next, I would stuff a rolling pin covered in barbed wire into your ass and make you eat habaneros at the same time.As you scream and relish in pain I would suddenly introduce clorox to clean the blood and you. Just when you are screaming at me to end your life so that you no need to suffer any more, I shall drill holes in to your brain and then after that, I would wire you with explosives  and then I would leave while you explode into nothingness.

Got it?

No comments: