Click it! You know you want it.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Left for dead: The Parody

My bro was watching some ridiculous reality TV series that displays real horrifying, absurd, ridiculous, tragic, something only dumb nuts would watch kind of things that was caught on camera. When I mean dumb nuts I mean when you are watching TV, then some stupid relative comes over and say the following questions.

What is this?
Why is he like that?
EEE, how come like that?
Is this a reality television show?

To which I will reply, 'Shut the fuck up and watch the damn thing.'

So anyway, we were watching this show when we saw this man got run over by a car and he just lay there on the floor. For the next, I dunno few minutes, people there were just watching the guy lying there on the ground, motionless and not calling the ambulance. Even a few cars drive by and slow down to watch but then leave. After that a few people were also just watching the guy. So creepy and weird and its something that bloody asians would do, but the tape was American, which is why it's so weird.

So I decided to compile a few fictional scenarios of what would happen if it was in Malaysia.

Guy gets ran over by some super pimped up Proton Saga that is probably too heavily tinted in the wrong way so that he drives around like some blind maniac on the streets.

Scene 1: The Kepo Old Ladies
Old Lady A: Aiyo, why like this.
Old Lady B: The guy got run over leh
Old Lady A: Aiyo,why like that
Old Lady B: Dunno leh, must be thos naughty children, drive here and drive there always very fast one, people should only drive when they are 40 la! Road so much safer plus every 1 km must have bump one.
Old Lady A: Ya lo, eh, isn't this man has the son who was involved in that one girl two man sex scene on TV?
Old Lady B: Yeah, what was it laio ah, my kids always watch it one.
Old Lady A: It call the show ah... International something la
Old Lady B: Poor man la, not only dying like that but also having to bear the shame of his son kissing another man on TV.
Old Lady A; Eh, shouldn't someone call an ambulance?
Old Lady B: Aiya, my phone no credit la
Old Lady A: Aiyo me too!

Both Ladies then walk away.

Scene 2: Measurements and Lottery
Guy A: Hey look is that a dead guy on the street?
Guy B: No, he is alive la. See him over there, the chest up and down, wan die, dun wan die like that?
Guy A: Oh, poor thing guy not in car la! We can get teh number to strike 4D or toto! Sure fa chai one! Another man's misfortune is our fortune!
Guy B: Aiya, you not creative one! See right, we can get number from the clothes! From the backside of pants and the shirt.
Guy A: But he wear collar shirt leh, no number one! Only S, M, L and XL nia.
Guy B: Hiya, you not creative one, flip him over the backside, okay, pants size is 36 then take one of the shoe off. Shoe size nine for US, ok this mean that in Europe is 44. So it is 3644 and then we go and buy one pao. Fa Chai Here we come!
Guy A: Wah, you so smart ah!
Guy B: I am not smart, it just that I have a 3 year experience in working as a shop helper in Ah Beng R Us.
Guy A: Wah! Chio wei!

Scene 3: Opportunity Strikes
Guy walks over, grabs wallet, takes money, put it back and walk off.

Scene 4: Blind Motorcyclist
Dude runs over the man with the motor cycle.

Scene 5: Distracting Children
Children at the back making noise and annoying parents. Parents wishing they did not have so many kids and should have used protection since like ever.

Children making noise
Mom: Look kids dead guy
Kids: eee!! Let me see, no let me see, no I wan see!!! OOOO!!!!! YUCK!!!!! EEE!!!!!

Yeah, that's all I can think off, feel free to comment by giving other more creative and absurd scenarios.

No comments: