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Saturday, April 07, 2007

That's what i am feeling now.
It sucks lah.
I mean, I don't need any extravagant thing like surprise party or anything.
Just say thanks and mean it.
Plus, a little gift is always nice, lol.
No, I am not begging okay.

There are a lot of people that unappreciate me.
I guess its not till I am gone or dead then they feel appreciated.
People are always taking me for granted.
Its so sickening.
Makes me wanna cry inside.

First on the list is my dad.
He always drags me along and torture me with his constant whinings about my mom being spendtrift, unscrupulous, bitchy and crazeh that I feel God damn tired of hearing it that I always stares into space when he nags.
I always help him out (by force)
He never says thank you.
When I do something wrong, he just blasted at me
After that he nags and nags and ... nags.
For example, I busted the comp.
Its busted for over a month
He still nags about it.
EVERY FREAKING 45 minutes he will nag.
If I don't help him and busy with my own work. (Homework)
The bastard will threaten me and nag and repeat everything I say.
God it pises me off.
If he weren't my dad, I will punch that figgin arsehole in the face.
Give him my grandma's clothes and walker
He will be qualified as a grandma.
He also quotes this everytime he compares us with other people
"Your mom and other moms are like heaven and earth. Her own chicken she does not want to feed but other people's chicken she feeds. She always care about her mother's side of the family, never about you." (On my mom about family)
"Your mom and other moms are like heaven and earth. Other moms always worry about their kids but your mom doesn't. She only cares about your mother's side of the family, never about you."
" Your mom and other moms are like heaven and earth. Other moms know how to save money. She spends the money I give her for facials and do the body. That's why she is always out of money. You give her 10,000, she finishes 10,000." (On my mom and finances)
"You and other children are like heaven and earth. People don't need tuition, you need tuition." (On me and my bros and tuition).
"You and other children are like heaven and earth. People's computer can last 10 years, why yours cannot?"
When he refers to other moms, he means his own mom. When he refers to other children, he means him and his siblings.
A total momma's boy.
My mom always says that he goes to my grandma's place just to suck her boobs.
I totally agree.
Its not literal, its figurative.
He goea there and talk about all this crap to his mom and my grandma always agrees.
Apparnently, someone fails at parenting.

Next is about my classmates.
I always try to be helpful and be there for people and they always diss me.
I feel lonely at times.
Sometimes, I try cutting myself but a few real ones are there.
Besides, no use killing myself becuase of these losers.
You know what the problem is, I am too damn nice.
From form 1 till now.
People keep on calling me akua, pondan, penisless and all those transgender and homosexual insults.
Firstly, I did not offend them in any way.
When I first step in SMK Sungai Maong, they started calling me names already.
I cried, got bullied and stuff but still stand strong
I have never got into the seriously angry till I kill everyone zone.
I don't know if I was scard or anything.
Maybe because I just wanna be there and study and nothing else.
It even spread to the younger forms.
Soon, those 2009 graduates started using the same names
Even people in my bro's class.
The funny thing is I help them
Alex who created the song about me, needs me to help him in Leo and out of Mr.Thien's fire.
he still disses me at times.
Jeremy leaves the drama script to me and ran away to sports
I did the whole fucking drama script
Mdm Pearl says that these guys have no right to say things to me.
I agree but I was nice about it.
Adam, ask me to help him to refill his drink
I could turn away.
But I oblige
Next day, he threw an empty correction tape at me.
People keep on hurting me because they think its fun.
they like to see me cry.
Malicious sadist.
Not forgeting a few fuckers at ITC who did the same thing.

It sucks really.
My life is a wreck and I know it.
I wish somebody can help me
But I could not find one.
Its time for me to cry now.

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