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Sunday, January 25, 2009

Its Chinese New Year!!! (In half an hour)

Everyone knows that the Chinese community of Kuching are a little 'festive' when it comes to Chinese New Year.
That is of course, if you want to rephrase it in a nice and subtle way.
The fact,
Chinese New Year in Kuching is like a bunch of nut cases buying supremely tacky deco, clean their house more mad than Bree Van De Kamp and the Stepford Wives combined and supremely FAKE and over dramatic people trying to show off how fucking clean, decorative, creative and whatever-tive their fucking house is. Not to mention the trigger crazy people who like to hear a big KABOOM and a whiff of gunpowder smoke, contributing to air pollution on this god forsaking already sick Earth.
It is Chinese New Year after all.
Everyone is in the spirit of the year of the Bull
Cause people here suddenly got Mad Cow Disease and start charging on everywhere to buy stuff.

Now time for some real witty fun jokes about Chinese New Year.

  1. Chinese New Year is the only time of year where it is legal to set explosives.
  2. Chinese New Year is the only time of year where people get their 'terrorist' side out
  3. It is also the only time of the year where you can ask strangers for money
  4. When there is a large explosion outside, its a good chance that is just a weak bomb.
  5. A time where people would not run away from explosions and watch from the sidelines instead
  6. Big noise, big smoke is better than a beautiful arrangement of fireworks display.
  7. If you start shaking, its not an earthquake, its a firecracker!
  8. Bree cleans her house like mad everyday, Kuching people do this every year.
  9. This time of the year is Liberty's (my dog) worst nightmare coming true, too bad it happens every year.
  10. As long as you wear red, (Red dress, red shoes, red underwear, red penis due to an infection) its fine.
  11. Cheapskates fine it as the only reason to buy new clothes.
  12. If you think you hear missiles shooting to the air or flying over you, its just a fireworks.
  13. A great time for Muslim extremists to start terrorizing the world.

Now Chinese New Year is not that bad!
I get to show off my new outfit
I get to get a lot of money
I get to catch up with old friends
However, the most important part of Chinese New Year is the money.
Money come,Money come, Money come
Its all about the MONEY!!!

Happy Chinese Bullshit New Year everyone.

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