Chinese is good enough for me

That statement above is the most bloody fucked up sentence in the history if sentences ever created. Bloody fucking Asians of lower class and stupidity would always say these, especially those from Chinese educated mediums. Look, if Chinese is bloody fucking important, everyone in the world would be communicating in Chinese by now. Yes, I know that China is a powerhouse in the international economy but that does not mean that you should drop English in its entirety. Hello, people still trade with the Americans! Do you see the Chinese Yuan as an important currency? You usually trade with the States (USD), the Brits (GBP), the Europeans (Euro) and the Japanese (Yen). If the Yuan is not important you think the Ringgit is? The next most important is probably South Africa (Rand).

Sometimes I don't know whether I should pity or look them in disgust of those certain types. Choosing to focus on one language while neglecting the rest. I don't know if its whether the way they were raised or is it the perception of their deluded mind that English is not an imprtant language. Look don't blame me that the whole world uses English, blame the industrial revolution, blame those explorers who conquer the lands and in turn moulding us into the way that we are now, it was not our fault that everyone speaks English. It is the world as it is today and we have to adapt in order to survive. It just abhors me that why would these people not think for the betterment of themselves.

These bloody Malaysians feel comfortable in their little world, not thinking about their consequences, not thinking about how to better their lives, just living so stagnant and comfortable without a care in the world. When things turn for the worse, they let others to solve their problem, you know why so many young Malaysians these days are bankrupt because they got no balls to settle their debt, if they got into deepshit, just declare bankruptcy and all your problems will be solved, not caring about their rights and obligations. That is a prime example of a bunch of quitters right there.

I do not know why these people are so content with Chinese or their respective mother tongues and not learn their own language. My first language may be English but hey I still learn Chinese, I may hate it when i was a kid and my level of Chinese is not at a very high level but at least I am fluent and able to speak the langauge properly. It is another tool and another advantage for me as well as getting to learn my culture. If there is a fear of not being fluent in Chinese that means that you betray your culture, that is just complete bullshit, in the modern world, loads of people are multilingual yet still appreciate and follow the values of their respective culture. There is not necessarily the need of one culture to be communicated through their own language, other languages are possible too because languages are used to communicate.

Personally I do not know what to do with these people, if you really want to learn, then get out of your comfort zone, I did, why shouldn't they do it too? Complacency is a sin, honestly.

Resolutions

People always make resolutions in the new year, vowing to change themselves and their lifestyle, but as we all know, most people don't keep their resolutions, so I plan to and will not be one of those people. After, a resolution is a promise, a promise to yourself. If you cannot promise yourself, then what good you are to other people? Plus, I hope that I am not a hypocrite which is a recessive gene in both parents and a certain someone who is a dear friend says that I have all the recessive genes of my parents, which is true, I guess. Good god, how the hell am I going to do this...

Resolution 1: CB or MMM

Cut Back or Make More Money or what I would prefer to call, Crappy Budget and Make Me Miserable. So I either save more or earn more money, both requiring some form of sacrifice. MMM, please, MMM, I cannot do CB, goodness gracious god knows what would happen when I see that really really really pretty looking cashmere cardigan from Esprit... But that means taking a part time job... but where? what? and how? Should I do waitering (GOOD GOD NO) or food servicing like starbucks (errr... even though I don't frequently go to Starbucks, but I would like to be anonymous) or shop assisting? Btw, where the hell is a personal shopping job opening when you need one, now THAT I can do.

Resolution 2: Get Healthy, Fit, Sexy, Athletic, a Flat Belly, Flat Ass, Reduce Waist Size to 31 and or below, Skinny thighs and calves, pecs that are absolutely alright for an athlete or well toned person, thin looking face, muscles, etc, anything that looks good with exercise. YES, EXERCISE!

Sign up for a gym membership or work out at home or stuff... Basically I need to get well, yeah, sexy again. I need to bring sexy back. Apparently dancing to Britney in my room is not enough.

Resolution 3: Sing and Dance more!!!!

I realize I don't dance and sing in my room as often as I used to, so yeah, lets do that!

Resolution 4: Cut down on shopping, buy what is necessary

But I need to define necessity though, sigh, basically shop a lot less. Less visiting shops, any kind of shops...

Resolution 5: Go Vegan, Vegetarian, whatever, anything to do with veg and no more red meat, though I need a good dose of protein though, guys need protein right?

I wonder does Kuching sell, Nutrigrain?

Resolution 6: Be more positive and be more enthusiastic, be more ass kissy

But I wonder does that mean, be less me? I dunno, I should be more happy in life and less stressful, apparently stress makes you fat since you dive for chocolate more, I hate stress, screw my mother and the whole drama about overseas application and finances and whatever, only make me even more stress and chocolate craving! I am so going to disown my parents if Ryan gets to spend his whole degree in overseas. I mean do you apply first get accpeted and work the finances later ot you work the finances first apply and then get accepted, would I even get accepted in the first place?

Resolution 7: Drive less, bike more

But I have to learn to ride a bike

Prerequisite Resolution to Resolution 7 also known as Resolution 7(b): Learn to ride a bicycle.

Hah! Eat that Swinburne, I get to be more eco-friendly, lose more weight and do not need to pay for your overpriced parking! HA! But that means I should learn to ride like now and stuff...

Resolution 8: Put a lot less effort in Debating

Yes, my epiphany in the largest shopping mall in the Southern Hemisphere (Chadstone) came to me when I was staring at this gorgeous pair of pink cargo pants in Esprit (which I did not buy as I got too many cargo pants already), and that really pretty orange shirt at Ben Sherman (which I still did not buy because its to expensive) and that pretty looking black tee from Esprit (which I did not buy because the price is slightly unreasonable, actually reasonable also because of fear of my mom bitching about my obsession with plain black T-shirts, I mean seriously like 7 black tees is reasonable right?) and the really nice Japanese inspired hoodie at Rampage (although really cheap and I can buy but I didn't because that would make 5 outerwears that I own which in my mother's world and perception and supposed law of men being minimalist where 90% of closet space should be for women, I would probably get yelled at even though its so pretty and SO JAPAN, well at least I think it is with all the Japanese and Tokyo signage which would pull of as a souvenir from Japan which means people can assume that I went to Japan and people would ask, "OMG, Brendan, you went to Japan TOO?" And then people would call me the Guy who went to Japan.) Anyway, all this NOT shopping made me think, gee golly Brendan, why you don't have a lot of cash, Brendan? Where did they all flew to? Which then ended up in this explanation, I WENT TO DEBATE TOURNAMENTS, all my cash is spent there! So it made me to face this horrible decision, more clothes or a chance to debate with other people or other nations and cultures and travel, it is such a horrible trade off, damn it, I love my clothes so much but that means taking a less active role in debating, so in the end, I decided, what I wear and my future education is more important than meeting people from other countries rather than being stuck in a room, NOT DEBATING but adjudicating. So screw you debaters, I wanna go shopping, though I may go for MDO, but then again not. But it is my 21st birthday, why do I have to turn 21 on the year that I have to be frugal!

Resolution 9: Stay away from any one who has a Macbook, iPad or Samsung Galaxy Tab

It only makes me jealous... very very jealous, should stop admiring what other people have. I should I remember that I come from a poor family that became a middle class/almost rich family, we have come a long way, I should be grateful for that and should work, plus and besides, its better to earn it than get it.

Ok, you think 9 resolutions is enough to keep? I mean is it too much? Should I be like cutting off some of the resolutions? I dunno, oh god, what am I to do if I bite off more than I can chew...

Santa Baby

*Exams season, no time to blog, last paper tomorrow. Current order: fuck up, fuck up, unknown but most likely will be fucking up, depends on how fucked up the assignment is*

Santa Baby,
Slip an iPad under the tree,
For me,
I've been an awful good boy,
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby,
A Macbook Pro too,
13 inches and accesories too,
I'll wait up for you dear,
Santa baby
So hurry down the chimney tonight
yeah yeah

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the girls I haven't kissed,
Next year I could be just as good,
If you check off my Christmas list

Santa baby,
I want a Blackberry and really that's not many,
I've been an angel all year,
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight,

Santa honey
There's one more thing I really do need,
From the Dean,
To a fully paid scholarship at Yale,
Santa honey,
So hurry down the chimney tonight,

Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at 688,
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,

Santa baby,
Forgot to mention one little thing,
A nano,
And I do mean from Apple
Santa baby,
So hurry down the chimney tonight

3am

Its 3 am, I couldn't sleep. I dunno what to blame, my loss or the bad bed that is making my back sore right now. But I think the fact is that I am no longer who I am again. Everytime I did something that I thought was right, never came up as I intended it to be.

But simple fact is this, I am pissed off.

But then again, having uncertainty in the future is what I like the most, it gives me the best opportunity to flip. Either as an ally or as an enemy or nothing but a mere neutral party. I am given the freedom to do whatever I want. I guess that I am free enough to get a part time job, or focus on the drama production more. But whatever it is, my loyalties have been diminished. I felt that I am free to do whatever I want. Like a released pro wrestler, I can go to rival organizations, work independent events, retire, become a personality the list goes on and on.

Oh don't worry, I will still continue. But you will definitely see much much less of me, unless there is a matter of importance arising.

Even though I am pissed that I did not get what I want
I know this

I am free to grow.

A little update on my life

Well, I know I have not been spending as much time as I should have in this blog but the fact is that I have quite a lot of drama in my life right now and my life is also preoccupied with a bunch of other priorities that blogging just has to take a step back. I dunno if its good or bad because I know that I blog whenever I get creative, inspirational, sad or angry but mostly sad and angry. So here is a bunch of stuff that is going on in my life right now.

Hairspray, the musical.
Yes, you are looking at a cast member and the playwrite of this musical. Its basically a modern, glee-ish version of the play. Very feel good and what not. People loved it, it got rave reviews and those of us who require a sense of intellect and wit in the play will certainly love the obvious and not so obvious puns and references in it. However, things may end prefectly but I can sure tell you that along the way, there is literal hell to pay. I faced with envy, animousity and even neglect (how can u forget the script writer in the flyer?). I hated the power players there at first but I ended up valuing them, liking them and respecting them as individuals as we all pulled through in the end. I have to say, it was fun putting up a production.

Prom
Yes, I attended prom. It sucked big time. I was pretty pissed off with the layout of the prom. I don't feel like a celebrity and I certainly don't feel like one of the VIPs. Plus the buffet line. I know that everyone is hungry but seriously, there is a thing called a line. There is one line in and one line out. Move in an orderly fashion, not attacking the food! Idiots!We are not chimpanzees, we are human beings! Seriously even refugees at some camp are more orderly than you are. I also saw something absolutely atrocious. Someone stuffed white rice, tomato rice and pasta all into one plate like a pile of carbo haven, godness gracious.

Exams
Looming exams mean one thing, less blogging, go figure.

Professional Life
Professionally I guess I would have to say its heading towards the right direction, getting more creative and intellectual side of things down in the resume. Sports which will be a difficult challenge will also come into play sooner or later. My grades are also probably going to slip this semester, things are getting slightly tougher this semester and I am up for the two VP posts at Debaters Club, simply because of my unconfirmed status in the future, I can't be president.

Personal Life
Romance department is a dud. Its failing its dry. Friends though are abundant, I am having a lot more close friends, I have gained new family members. So my social life is not as pathetic as before, but then again, its not my fault that I got sent to a shit hole of a high school but then again, kinda happy as I find myself appreciating my new cast of friends more.

Potential Doom
Lets just say that there is a sequel in the works, difference is the sequel is I like both the tangible and the intangible. And I can only hope that a repeat is not going to happen, its going to be disastrous for me if it happens.

I wonder if he knows

I wonder if he knows, that no matter what he does, the daisies will keep on popping up

I wonder if he knows, the dog he loves so much has so much love to give... to other people

I wonder if he knows, his dog loves me too

I wonder if he knows, the novelty has passed

I wonder if he knows, not to mess with cats when they are not meant to be touch

I wonder if he knows, this cat is going to give him the love prowl

I wonder if he knows, its time for a little GG

I wonder if he knows, something big is coming up

I want him to know, watch out.

The Digi 24 Hour Movie Marathon

RM2,500 or an ipod shuffle if you just stay for 24 hours cramped inside dark theater, sitting on the supremely uncomfortable synthetic movie theater seat upholstery and make sure you don't curse loudly, have a conversation or closing your eyes for more than 10 seconds.

Sounds easy huh?

Well, it is. If you just stare at the theater screen for like ever, why not?

But then you gotta pay attention, as questions will be asked on the movies that you have watched

That is when we say, shit happens.

Or if you wanted to put it in the terms of a certain Brit afficienado with a high tendency to curse and where the curse words alternate and have their phases where this certain Brit affiicienado has a high tendency to use them, then you would say: KAH NEE NEH (which literally means "motherfucker" in foochow which this certain Brit afficienado currently constantly uses and has only learned about the actual meaning of the word precisely 48 hours ago and is now trying to use the conventional curse word "bollocks'')

Anyway, I ditched the debaters for this. Yes, I have no principles when it comes to money or desperate because I need the cash, look, whatever makes your dick stand or breast erect is fine with me. I need the cash.

I woke up at 6.am., approximately 6 or 7 hours prior to the start of the marathon. Why? Duties first, public speaking competition. Chaos ensued. Thankfully, we prepped well, so even though the delays were horrible, at least we managed to complete within the time frame. But it was almost 11 which is when registration starts.
I was already rushing with Ashik along and met up with Fitria, Tina, Kim Seng and Albert when I learned that I left my disclaimer form at my table lamp. Fuck, so I had to go for another wild goose chase looking for a photocopy machine where Digi thankfully has one. After registering at the last minute, I am in.

My energy was completely drained after entering the theater. Thankfully, a witty, romantic tale of The Time Traveller's Wife set my brain in motion. This is followed by Ip Man, which was really cool to watch. Then came to Pandorum, which was real horrible. Since it is a sci fi thriller.

Then, at the next alternate even numbers (movies number 4, 6, 8 and 10) are all in mother fucking bloody cantoneese. I hated them all, except maybe number 6, which is called Echoes of the Rainbow, a lovely tale and a very very cute guy, okay, in fact there were a bunch of cute male extras in male school uniforms (perverted bi curious fantasies arising that shall no longer be elaborated) But fact is, I think I am pretty fluent in Cantoneese now. Oh well, you are always learning, it can come from the most unexpected unimaginable way possible.

Then, they were the Thai movies, the first one was cheap, horrible and there is those mic muffler things that are visible on top, how can you portray a bloody emotion if there is a bloody hairy, furry thing on top that looks like the balls of some gigantic gorilla? Next Thai movie incorporates all my personal favourites, a British setting with a little dash of French debonaire, a coming of age plot, indy movie like direction and cinematics, the emo feeling and of course really really hot chicks and dudes except you know, the movie is mainly in Thai. The marathon apparently ends with a personal favorite, The Proposal

If you are reading carefully, you would know what has happened to me already, if not, simply continue on.

So then there was the trivia questions. The first one got half the hall eliminated, the second one got another half eliminated, which left till 15 people after the second question. The third one got another 3 gone and then the 4th question, you can say the semi finals. I got eliminated then. The answer is red and I was wearing red pants, I did not know that answer, was not confident but I should have paid tribute to the red pants. So the significant reminder of my lost of 2,500 or the iPod shuffle is evidenced by what I am wearing on the waist down.

I feel defeated. Sigh. I left after my elimination and called my mom. I knew I would be stuck even longer at Spring since I know my mom will shop and I needed rest fast. So I ditched the Proposal and went shopping and left. Ashik is in the final 8 btw, congrats to him but lets hope he wins the iPod shuffle.

All in all, not bad since I won my mom her birthday present. And I got a nice T-shirt. Another T-shirt to wear to debate... yay me!

Okay guys, I am gonna stop righting here. I have to start preparing for the funeral of my RM2,500 and possibly bracing for the announcement that I need to prepare another one for my iPod shuffle.

Remnants of You

So I am sitting here on the floor
Looking at all the photos I posted around my wall
When I look all the pictures around
Memories came fading by
About all the good times we had

I tried not to cry
Cause you have already left me
for someone else
But I can't help myself
So I needed to vent...

So I grabbed a pen
Tore myself a piece of foolscap
And started writing about all the good times we had
And then I shredded it to pieces just like our romance had

Because you are nothing but a piece of ass
A schmuck who made a serious mistake
I wanna throw away
All these remnants of you

I went downstairs
I grabbed a box
Started tossing all the things you gave me into it
Cause they are nothing but a bunch crap
And your presence should be ridded

All those beautiful pictures of us
About the great times that we had
At the beach, at the park, at the carnival
Are all going in there

Right now, I am right here at the yard
Staring at all the gifts that you gave me
All the things that remind me how I loved you are right before me
I lit a match and set it on fire

Because you are nothing but a piece of ass
A schmuck who made a serious mistake
I wanna burn away
All these remnants of you.

Let it burn
Let it burn
Let it burn all my pain away
All the frustration dissipate to ashes

Let it burn
Let it burn
All the memories of you
All the love and time I wasted on you

Because you are nothing but a piece of ass
A schmuck who made a serious mistake
But I know they will still be there
All these remnants of you.

Emo Monday

Rain is pouring down on the street
People rushing with their feet
The cool London sky in ash grey
Emo Monday is here again

A couple is squabbling about life
Cassie is stuck at crossroads
While a puppy stands alone
Without someone to hold
Remnants of his master now gone

But I don't let it get to me
I pray the dark sky will go away
I want the sun shine bright as day
So that Emo Monday can go away.

Feel of dread is every where
Mundane routines begin at this day
Moving in the pessimistic way
Emo Monday please go away

A boy sits on the street looking sad
His favorite jacket is out there somewhere
It is all that is left from him
And he can't bear it to leave him like he did
Emo Monday got to him

But I don't let it get to me
I pray the dark sky will go away
I want the sun will shine bright as day
So that Emo Monday can go away

Please tell me (Please tell me)
Why do Mondays have to be so cruel
Work starts and we all felt like a snooze
Why can't we all be cheerful
And treat Mondays like any other happy day

But I don't let it get to me
That's life as they say
Although I pray the dark sky will go away
And I want the sun to shine bright as day
We all know Emo Monday is here to stay

I can't stop cursing.

My mouth is like a hub for profanties. I call it the 'Profinaty Hotel in the Brendan Goh's Mouth'
I just can't help it
It is like everything bad or annoyed that has happened to me
I would just curse
It is such a bad habit
A bad habit that sometimes I don't feel like myself when I not curse.

By the way, do you know that I curse more than 99% of facebook users?
See how nasty my mouth is?
God.
Oh and it's not a phase, the cursing stands
It is just the curse words that rotate amongst themselves.
Crappers...
How am I going to deal with this.

Immortalized as 3rd

I am a finalist
I got 3rd
No longer allowed to compete
Immortalized as number 3 forever
Fuck My Life

Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best

I am happy.
I guess deep inside its been a while that I actually smile for joy.
Into the final four of the debate cup
A chance to win big
A best debater trophy, signifying recognition and status of high value and rank
A proud senior who loves me like her very own little brother
A bunch of friends who you know will be family.
All I need is a lover by my side and it will be all perfect.
Life so far has been great, given the circumstances.

But I am hungry
I still want more
I want the grand prize
I want to win big
It is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It will be tense
It won't be lighthearted
And I will get my emotions in it but I won't let it get the best of me.

I know I sounded like I didn't believe that I was considered to be among the best
Beating someone who you thought would be a shoo in all along
And its true
I lack confidence in myself when I debate
I still look up to those people as my seniors
Nothing can change that
Though I am pleasantly surprised.

But now, I am ready
For the final battle
I don't care if you are Swinburne, UiTM or Unimas
All of you are going down
I want to be the sole survivor, the winning team, the only one left standing.
I am prepared to fight and give it my all.
There is nothing to lose form here on out.
But I can honestly tell you guys
I am nervous
I am tense
I felt like there is a ticking time bomb where I will crack and burst into an ejaculation of stummers and short circuitry.
I know its all on me now
I guess all I want you to say is...
Wish me good luck
I think I will need it.

That damn Gray Cardigan.

When I saw it, it literally felt like there is a gold light shining on it among the tons of clothes squeezed together on the clothes rack.
Okay, fine, it maybe the glaring orange light and the heat of my shopaholic glazed ecstasy that made me felt like God was shining a light on to that rack.
But hey, a glowing light is a glowing light right?
So anyway, there it was, oh so shiny, oh so gray, oh so damn sexy looking and the material, oh my god, it looks fantastic!
Did I mention it was grey and not my usual obsession with purple?
Oh god, just thinking about it makes me feel so euphoric.
Its like heaven.

I was literally thinking like how a girl would assess and dream about a perfect future husband
Except well, I am a guy and this is one awesomely hot gray cardigan.
Anyway, I plan to buy this awesome looking gray cardigan on a day where I would have debate training
And then I would show it off and go all dramatic and obsessed about it
After that I would rub my forearm while to feel the awesome cardigan fabric while admiring the color, the texture, the sheer knit of the fabric.
I would wear that cardigan with me, so comfortable yet not so thick.
Perfect for debating, I can imagine myself debating while wearing that awesome piece of knitwear. 
I love my Camden Town hoodie but no offenese but I so need another colour
Plus and besides, it is always good to have another addition in my closet and I have never owned a cardigan before (sorry but until today, all of them are pretty sucky).

So, all I need is time
Time for me to get paid,
I am still waiting to get paid
I am getting very impatient
Die Die Die
I can only pray that the cardigan would not disappear.
Please
Oh god.
Sigh... You know discounts and people of Kuching, especially if it concerns Esprit.
Yes, the cardigan I saw is in a discount rack.
Hidden gem, even a trained eye like mine do indeed make omissions
I am human after all.
Till i get it, I can only dream of that gray cardigan.
Remuneration, please come in a bountiful manner and quickly please :)

Ignorance is bliss

I don't know what to do right now.
I am being held against my own will right here.
I am trapped, stuck.
I want to run
I want to move
but I can't
I felt powerless, hopeless, weak...
I felt like there is absolutely nothing that I can do.
I felt like I have nothing
I am nothing.
I felt like my role is just to assist
Nothing but a mere supporting role that I grew out of and now tire of.
I want to leave but I could not.

I felt like my heart is getting eaten alive
I felt envy and discouragement at the same time
Its like I want it but I don't want it at the same time
Something is holding me back
And that gold I found seems to look more and more like pyrite everyday.
Sitting there, watching it getting sampled like some morsel.
I felt gutted.
I guess I felt like I am not strong enough to handle it yet
I get jealous real easily, I get sensitive and touchy real easily
I just wish that I for once can find something that gives me some form of happiness and content.
With daisies and roses, peaches and butterflies and all that.
A form of utopia like bliss that I would love to experience.
Man, I got issues
I need to settle them
Alcohol?
Definitely Maybe
But being an alcoholic is the last thing I want to be right now.
I don't want to self destruct
But self destructing feels more and more like a treatment, a theraphy, an escape each and everyday.
To not care, to not wallow in pity but just explode into nothingness
Into euphoric relief that will set my heart free.

Currently, I am now holing myself in my own world
I work, I focus and I concentrate
Blocking my senses from the world
Oblivious to the competition, rivalries, betrayals around me
Allow myself to manifest the growing creative surge within me.
In a way, I am hallucinating
But not knowing feels a lot better than actually knowing right now.
Time will tell about my estimated time of recovery
But for now, some anasthetic in necessary dosages is required.

I shall vent... for now

I feel angry, animosity crawling into my veins, causing tension towards my psych.
I guess, deep inside, all I wanted is to be accepted.
Being a accepted for who I am as a person and not because of my lifestyle choices, my personal preferences and labels that subjugate me into nothing but a common stereotype where that stereotype clearly does not define who I am as a person, and clearly does no justice into pitting me into a soulless category as some statistic.
Clearly that does not exist here.

You think getting stuck in Central Africa, living with limited rations and suffer from the scorching heat and civil war is bad, then try getting stuck into a time loop that seems to repeat itself only in a different environment. That is the situation that I am in now. Unfortunately, it just has to be high school.

You know, back in high school, all of us high school rejects with that naivety of hope and slight cynicism would wish that college would be a much different environment. Where everyone lives in peace, have common interest and friendships, sure we do have people we hate and bitch about it but at least we are not that bored that we turn menial things into huge issues. Unfortunately, that case applies to some universities but I would not be surprised of there is none.

Well, that is the experience that I am experiencing right now and I am guessing my so called rival is also experiencing it to. See, I know and I think he knows that we are not rivals. But a certain third party that he hangs out with and a small issue that happened between us in the past,  has made him make the issue into an actual serious one. Peer pressure is so sad on teens, it is sadder if you allow it to influence you in your college life, you would thought that being young adults, being considered to have an adequate level of maturity, being able to make right choices and what not would not be so stupid to succumb to that. What is even more worse is that those people who are of a slightly higher seniority is putting the pressure.

I honestly have nothing against him now. I was hurt, I was angry and now, I am just plainly indifferent but the fact that he wants me to remember those feelings long forgotten is just pathetic and annoying. I cannot handle it, not because I am not able to suppress the feelings because the feelings are not there but it is a part of my history that I would love to forget. We can laugh and move on, but repeating it time and time again?. Sometimes, I just wish that I would just stop myself in getting involved in the activities we have where we have to see each other's faces so that at least there is some form of peace. But I am not the kind of person that is willing to submit once conflict happens. After all, it's his problem and not mine. If he wants to make it his problem then so be it. I am done, and was done quite a long time ago.

But now, this has apparently gone to far. Those people have clearly no respect for me at all. It is evident by an event happened a while earlier. And I have to say, I am still furious with them right now! You would at least give a guy some kind of respect or mutual kind of respect rather than making a fool of him in public and then trying to blatantly steal my thunder. I am pretty sure someone is less than impressed with me right now and plainly, I am angry, pissed and literally crushed. A rare gem that flew away and now that I found another and now I am feeling that it is about to float away too! You just do not know how rare that kind of gem is in this kind of sad community. Right now, I feel like they just want to make my life a living hell just for their own amusement from a make believe rivalry that came out from a conflict long resolved, long over, long gone.

I feel like this is the first strike that I very reluctantly struck down but has become evident that that is no longer the case. It felt like try to keep a person with multiple organ failure alive and I don't have the cash to do it. Right now, I am coming to terms and I am waiting for the 2nd and 3rd strike before making mine a bit more preemptive. They want to unleash the bitch, well, the bitch is making a comeback, just wait and see. Brendan has his limits, when bitch comes out, all hell will break loose, I swear it.

Brendan from the Block

Time passes, as it passes things change whether we like it or not.
Little things that we take for granted, the sights we are so used to see, usually meant nothing but when a seriously life changing event occurs, it hits us hard.
Its like there is an elephant in the room, a tiny little speck of an elephant that we ignored and allowed to grow. Well, it grew and grew until it tramples us which is when we get our epiphanies or sudden realization of great truth.
We felt like we have been thrown into a curveball but its not. We allowed it to happen, we subconciously made it happen because ignorance leads to bliss where we got caught up in because of the comfort it brings where we store it way back into our minds that when that event happens we were in shock but only to remember moments after as the issue scrambles back to the forefront.

I realized that now, everything in Kuching is changing, even the small street where my grandma's house is. The old drain where I used to catch dragonflies is replaced by concrete
The plot of land where there used to be scorpions living there just opposite my grandma's house is now a plot of land for some business people to grow plants.
The once weedy plot is now replaced with plants in pots and gravel rocks.
The house that used to have rambutans dangling from the tree that we used to pluck from is now gone and now houses a bunch of idiotic Africans students who do nothing but drink, smoke and listen to horribly cheesy rock music
Nature as it seems, was just not in sync with modern globalization.
Even the people have changed, my grandma passed on, my dad shows serious signs of aging, my aunt moved back and my great aunt is currently in a phase of old age which I think will be genetic and will affect the women in my family.
I still feel like running up to my grandma's room to see her again.
Sometimes I even thought she was alive until I realized that she was already gone.

However, I am still glad that some things have not changed.
My grandma's room still smelled of old lady (loads of talcum powder)
The small path leads to the back where my great aunts live is still there
The moss and plants at that area never changes.
As I walk down that path, imagining myself as a seven year old, full of energy and running down the path, ignoring the risk that I will fall and scrape my knee and now as a nineteen year old still having that energy but now with wisdom to not run and potentially scrape my knee prefering to amble and take in the scenery instead, I felt at peace at that area.
It was a place of my childhood that stood still in time. Nothing changed.
It might not be the place that houses the fondest of memories as most of them are just about me walking from house to house
But for me, it serves as a portkey.
A portkey to send me back to when I can still hear my grandmother screaming my name to return home.
And currently, apart from my memories is the closest relation towards my childhood.

I can only hope that it never changes.
Like I said, people change. A part of me may still want to be that boy who runs around and screams like a mad man with a case of ADD, the me right now, wants to move on to other endeavours, other adventures and experiences that this town and that portkey can never provide.
Because that boy has dreams, big dreams and now, he wants those dreams to become reality. To make them a reality, he has to leave and gladly he will.
He will never forget that boy but he has to give what that boy wants and with that, he has to leave this godforsaken place.

The sacrifice we have to make for the sake of realizing our dreams is not easy but we must never forget our roots, that we will always be boys and girls with dreams. That I will still and always will be the Brendan from the Block.

To the dude who cut me off this morning

Hey Mr Bloody Fucking Irresponsible Asian Driver Who Thinks He Lays Every Single Stone on the Fucking Road and Paves Tarmac Over The Surface to Smooth Everything Out by Hand. You cut me off this morning and I have to say that, I, sir, am furious because you cut in front of me in a very dangerous manner while I am driving. You purposely squeezed your shitty second rate looks like it is about to fall off any second Daihatsu (you can get a Kancil dilwad, its the same shit) in front of my Proton Saga while looking at me as if it is no problem and nothing happened at all. After which you took out your circa 1980s really really large looking and shitty cell phone (obviously you are not from the 21st century) and made phone call while I was talking to my friend on my iPhone. Now obviously I have come from a better privileged background than yourself. You know, better parents and the wonders of cable television, internet and the obvious critical analysis and thinking adding in the natural writing flair of mine that is oh so amazingly eloquent and inspiring yet straight to the point at the same time. Of course that naturally bitchy attitude of mine that always mean that I am right and your wrong. Now, I am a very nice and forgiving person since I am a good natured soul who usually keeps his temper in check but at that moment I was angry and I am late and I am certainly not pleased with your driving ethics and actions on the road.

So now, I have already imagined the horrible things that I am going to do to you and I am going to vent them in my blog.

First of all, you are laying on the table, your hands and feet are chained and your body is spread wide. Oh, i almost forgot to mention that you are also in a dark room with a light hanging from above and also the fact that you are completely naked.

Now, I shall enter. Looking at you menacingly and yet seductively at the same time. You can also see an obvious and wide grin on my face while I allow my eyes to trail and observe your body. I circle around to allow my eyes to analyze your body from every angle. Admiring its obviously lacklusture built.

Now when you see me, you will see that I am holding not the usual knife, machete, axe or letter opener but a spoon. I shall use this spoon to gouge your guts out. I shall dig the spoon into your guts and then from there scooping up fat, blood and your intestines. Next, a meat tenderiser is used and it shall be used on your limbs. I would relish the fact that your limbs are neat and tender from the pounding they shall receive. Next I will intorduce to you a small nail clipper and its going to clip the tip of your dickhead.  After a nice dab of salt. I shall move on to your face, I would now introduce those little acupuncture pins and I shall pin them wherever I feel like but generally its all over your face. Next I shall make you rain blood by making holes all over your backside and make the blood drip and trail down. Next, I would stuff a rolling pin covered in barbed wire into your ass and make you eat habaneros at the same time.As you scream and relish in pain I would suddenly introduce clorox to clean the blood and you. Just when you are screaming at me to end your life so that you no need to suffer any more, I shall drill holes in to your brain and then after that, I would wire you with explosives  and then I would leave while you explode into nothingness.

Got it?

Bratwurst?

Allow me to introduce to you the Bratwurst

Which is also known as the burly bitchy ugly twin sister fo the hot dog

Famous in Germany (duh) and in Wisconsin where they are called brats or beer brats (if they are poached in beer that is)

They remind me of the look and shape of a human penis

See how there is a slight curve and a more enlarged tip compared to the middle part

As seen below, the shape of the bratwurst honestly resembles a penis

So yeah... it really looks like a penis...

I can tell you something though, it does not taste like a penis

Because its cooked. (Sicko)

The penis looking thing obviously is in a deep need of some serious flavouring, poached with beer and onions and then grilled with a slab of butter on each side.

Then I will call it bratwurst and not meat that looks and shapes like a penis

Cause you know, it looks like a penis.

Of Beer and Debating

You know, when someone hears of the word "debate", there are two kinds of naysayers

One side would say its a bunch of arrogant nerdy bastards who sit in the room and talk crap for an hour who have nothing better to do.

While the other side would fear it as it involves speaking in public.

Looking back, those were the two reasons why I wanted to join the debaters club in the first place. Not because I wanted to prove them wrong but to prove them that even though it is difficult and viewed as a non challenging sport but simply because I wanted to be an arrogant speaking bastard and I wanted people to fear me. I wanted to be regarded highly. I wanted to be king. I saw the Swinburne Debates Club not as an avenue to learn but as an avenue to exert control and of course to vent my frustrations.

But as I walk along the path of debaters and all about debating... I felt that my intentions that once was all about making a scene and walking tall... disappears. It was hard at first as I took somewhat of a hiatus from it to deal with the initial shock. Debating is about convincing people, it is about using words correctly and strategically place your statements properly so that it is the best avenue for you to convince people that you are right. It defintely at first make you an arrogant and aggressive person but once you past that you are back to your humble self albeit more wiser than you once were.

My last trip to Iskandar Debating Championship really opened my eyes on to what has happened in the debating scene. The reason why debaters come together and compete with each other is to not only test their abilities and strength in the sport but also meet new people and form friendships that will probably last a lifetime. Plus there is good money in it too.

But with the influence of alcohol, the party and the sharing of life stories and what not is what truly matters. It is where people bond and have fun and hang together like a bunch of BFFs even if it is for a few days... Would I do it all agian? Yes, definitely in a heartbeat.

I love this life as I felt that within these trips, I get to know more people, know people more and more about myself. True colours and what not fly high and I am extremely excited that I found out this little secret life. It is truly a gem.

Rafie, Kasun, Paul, Ashk, Raj, Crazy, Sophia, and Sailesh, it is great to know more about you... I hope I get to go more trips in the future wth you guys.

Nicholas, Brigitte, Kohta and Taro... it was great meeting you guys and I hope to meet you guys in the future. Hopefully in your countries and as a competitor rather than an adjudicator.

Life goes on in the life of Brendan Goh but I will definitely never forget the experience and even if I do, I still have facebook and my camera to remind me of the great time I had there. I guess this movie special has ended but the memories I have will rerun in my mind will have to suffice for now until I get to travel that is.
Pictures are up on facebook while the Brendzblog Legionaires will have to wait a while, hope you guys are on my friends list, if not, add me... lol.

My results are like toilet paper

I am not satisfied
I am angry
I did not get the results that I have aimed for
Oh woe
Oh poor me...
3 Distinctions and a credit.
Although I can sustain Swinburne's exams
I still would prefer to be at overseas...
I can only just hope and wait for the opportunity to strike
Some say, I have to look for the opportunity
But how? I can't find it, I am exhausted and tired.
Oh what am I to do