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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Lets face the facts.

As a child, I always knew I was destined for greatness.
I was a smart, jolly kid with little worries in the world.
Sure I am a brat but I pay my dues.
I know that I never deserved to be here
I wasn't meant to be here.
However, I don't know if I was brainwashed to think like this
or it was just meant to be.

You see, when I was young
My paternal side is always blabbering about Australia
Saying 'When you grow up, you will go to Australia to study'
Then whenever I misbehave they will say things like
'If you behave like that then you don't need to go to Australia'
'Nobody in Australia shouts like that'
'If you act like that, you would be beaten up when you are in Australia'
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

Well, I am eighteen now, where is my trip to Australia?
Where is the OH SO GOOD AUNT that promises me all the OH SO GOOD Australian things?
Where is it?
Well, let me tell you, the promises are like the threats
I can't believe that I am such a douche bag.

I don't know about my brothers
but I bet Ryan or Darren or even both are going to go to Australia just like that
Cause my dad favors them both.
What does Brendan do?
Brendan stays in Kuching, help out the parents I guess.
Hah, one things for sure,
If I graduate in Swinburne, Kuching or in Malaysia
Consider my parents have lost one son.
I always thought I can either be an actor in Australia
or use Australia as a stepping stone to LA.
Its my real ambition to see me on screen.
But the fact that I am still in Kuching sucks.

As for Carmen, you know why I was so interested in the guy who committed suicide in the Sarawak River?
Well, its cause I wonder
Is he just like me?
Whose dreams are crushed?
No will to live?
Or is it that he knew its the biggest impact to cause sorrow on the parents?
I don't agree the dead thing though
But I want to seem dead to them
Cause if this happens, if my life is forever in this shitty town,
My father and the whole paternal side are dead to me.
That's how I feel.
Knowing that your child died may cause only sorrow
But knowing that your child is alive but he doesn't acknowledge that you are, causes sorrow and anger.

These days, my dad's importance list is like this
1. Toto
2. His job and rep
3. 4D
4. Cashsweep
5. Telelink
6. Buddha Idols (so that he can have more money on lotto)
7. Feng Shui (also on lotto, 'enhancing wealth')
8. Golf
9. His friends
10. Ryan
Somewhere below: His wife
Somewhere lower than his wife: ME.

Seriously, he only calls to see how's my mom and bros are doing, never about me.
Then he spends more money on lotto in a week
than my own allowance
RM75.60 on TOTO per week
RM50 on Brendan's allowance per month
See? Not kidding.

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