Bringing Back the Debate

I guess you can call it a comeback.
I have decided to make a comeback and head back into debating
Things is, the whole experiencing World Universities Championship in Berlin sounds very tempting
So I have indeed decided that I should go back to debating for one last hurrah
I am graduating next year and I want to make my final year memorable
Although it is going to be tough with new subjects that are obviously more difficult than ever
Adding towards juggling a new job in tow
Plus, my commitments to my first love in theatre.
I guess, next semester will be a wild one.
More updates soon, I promise :)

The Bitch is coming back

Sydney is fun, it is awesome here.
Although, yes, I do admit that my social life has not been exactly flowering the way I think its supposed to be with constant parties and stuff.
I felt that I do indeed made progress in what as I feel to be possible blooming of friendships.
Although I still want to have fun,
I do believe that it is time that I am going to have to take my life seriously.

I guess... maybe its time that I take my life seriously
Do the things I want to do as well as getting started in a career.
I guess the fact that life is moving on made me realize that it is time to make my move
I have a lot of aspirations but as usual I lack focus and direction.
I need to steer myself properly.
I need to release myself from the constraints that are imposed upon me
I have to realize that when I do things, I do it for me and no one else
I understand that there is a possibility of a lonely road ahead but hey, I have walked that road for 5 years, its not going to be a scary and unfamiliar one.
What is scary is leaving the familiar one
However, I am always known to break out and go my own way.

I guess this trip home is not one of pleasantry.
It is about wrapping up some unsolved shit.
Causing new trouble as well as fixing existing and potential ones
Sort of like a coming out of retirement for a goodbye tour.

As for now, I do feel that film, television and writing are what I wanted to do
Accounting is a safety net that I do not wish to need or rely upon
I felt fortunate to have experienced other possibilities that I can achieve in my life
But as to attain enlightenment and happiness, I know where the path lies.
The story goes on...
The adventure continues...
And most important of all
The bitch is back

Creativity, where are you?

It shouldn't be a problem right? Its just 2,000 words. I write novels okay? NOVELS
But yet, I am still creatively stifled about my contemporary france essay
Other than that, I have tons of other things to worry about

For one, I tried enrolling for my French Langauge and Culture 1 for next semester but I am not allowed to enrol due to some stupid requisite problem, I sent an e request to be allowed to be enrolled and until now, no reply.
Things have been pretty shit for me lately.
I am finding it difficult to find my new support system
I am having difficulty finding jobs
I am spending the next 3 months in KL and my hometown.
It's just a lot to take in
Plus, I am at that point where I feel I should be like making money now and not bumming around
And yet, I am.
Which sucks and its self defeating.
Exams are looming around the corner as well. 

Don't get me wrong, I mean I love it here
This place is awesome
Its just that something is missing
And the retarded enter button in this computer in the uni is fucking annoying.
That is not helping either.
I am creatively frustrated, my temper is certainly on the rise
Unlike before, I realize that I am bottling up my feelings most of the time now.
I need to let the drama out, maybe going back is the right move.
Either way, I will continue to grow, I will be strong.

But in all honesty, I feel like I should cut my hair or bitch about how the losers back home would treat the uni here.
I bet 10 bucks that they will think Building One of UTS is a shopping mall because of the escalators installed there.
It will be like this


Average Reasonable Person: Good, an escalator. It will serve its purpose nicely. *Walks up quickly while assited with the motion of escalator*


You Know Who: OMG, an escalator. *Stands and looks at scenery like she is cruising on shopping mall*. I feel like I am in a  mall *giggle*


Yeah, that sort of stuff. Anyway, ciao bellas. Gotta go deal with reality.

Its been a while

I shall now give the following excuses:

1. Drama, still nervous and trying to get my lines right. 
2. Exams soon
3. Need to finish Contemporary France essay. I am doing two even though only one is required as I need the quantity and liberty to choose to see which essay is the best possible candidate that can give me a freaking D and yes HD is 100% out of the question. 
4. Preparing handwritten notes for company law exam
5. Revising Accounting B
6. Kill of IBP assignment. 
7. Baking 
8. Gym
9. No inspiration
10. No drama
11. No anger
12. No angst
13. Not really emotional
14. Recalibrating emotions and sending it to a different output. 

Game on, Bitch

Things are getting a whole lot more busier in life right now.
I have 2 assignments due next week and a presentation on Friday.
Life has been pretty busy lately.
But I have to say its what I wanted
Having my assessments assessed that way.
However, it is sort of taking over my life.
Well, not exactly if you count the amount of hours I spent on facebook, watching tv shows, club duties and overall just plainly goofing off.

But yeah, it is taking over my life
I have been fessing and fretting all over it since for like ever.
Also I want this

 

Its a Lady Gaga, Born This Way 2GB Flash drive and it cost 74.95! 

Oh fuck me

Seriously, there is no way in hell I can afford that

Sigh

It looks so damn cool though.

Come on! Its Lady Gaga! 

Ok, I really really really should like stop blogging now

I have homework, one more piece of my company law assignment which shall be put on hold and my presentation which I have to do.

I am worried about my contemporary france now. 

Its a can pass but needs extra work for a HD and right now, chances of me getting that is slim. 

Its not all about the food

Everytime there are dinner gala events held, be it Kuching, Australia or wherever. Unless organized by myself or esteemed and renowned party planners, there is a very high chance that I would skip it. Especially when it comes to events made by students.

To be honest, I would obviously not mean everyone but so far, the ones that I see or have been to are not satisfactory. Swinburne's version obviously have a lot of flaws as in shittier organizers, crappier budget, overall disgusting taste in decor as well as organization. 

Plus and besides, people will always follow the things that I suggested a year later than usual. Here is an example, Hollywood gala night is the creation of Brendan Goh circa 2009 and fucked up by the 2010 Swinburne Prom Organizing Committee in 2010. Now, UNSW is copying what I started with their very own Malaysian Students Gala Night. 

Thing is, I would definitely love a good night out. Just to let my hair down, socialize and have fun. But there is no way in hell I am spending money just to torture myself. I am not gonna fork up 28 bucks just to enjoy a macaroon tower or three because I am pretty sure I would be miserable there if the company is not good or the organization is not good. 

I usually know when a party is going to be good or bad, cause come on, I have taste. So I decided that I shall impart some of my knowledge to you people. 

1. Do NOT attend if there is a word called 'Buffet' in it

Buffet = Chaos. I have already suffered the Indian equivalent of populated chaos in Swinburne's 2010 prom where idiots do not know how to form a fucking line and understand that there is only one way of entry and one way of exit. Not cutting around left and right, you already have that habit on the road, you still want to portray it on a buffet line? Next, when there is a buffet, there is a line. That line is usually painstakingly long and no. I do not want to hold my plate on my hand for 10 bloody minutes just so someone can decide which side of the lasagne they want. 

2. When people start promoting special attractions about their event

Be it macaroons, a dance floor, a red carpet or whatever. When someone utilises a certain good part about their event, chances are the rest are just gonna suck. Why? Because if you event is a fantastic one, you would promote ALL aspects of the event. For example, we have a terrific menu giving you various choices of starters, mains and desert from various countries like Morocco, Scandinavia, Canada, Samoa etc etc etc. We also have Kesha coming to perform. We have a fabulous decor designed by (insert famous interior decorator). We also have the Glamcam 360 that you see at the Emmys. If the shining star of your event is just fabulous performances and great food, chances are the performances suck and food is suckier. 

3. The people

Good people make good parties. Shitty people make shitty parties. It's all about the company. A carefully plotted guest list that includes people who you want and get exclusive invites will definitely liven up the atmosphere as well as lowering the trash factor. Having a hodge-podge of Tom, Dick and Ah Chong is obviously going to dreck the atmosphere. 

4. The organizers

Evaluate the organizers. If you are in uni for a while and know who they are. Chances are that you can predict how good are they in organizing the prom. If you do not know them, I sincerely say that you should judge the book by its cover but in this case the cover can tell a lot about the person. If he or she overall is a person who's taste in fashion is something you do not like, chances are you are going to have a miserable time. 

5. The price

The price must be just right. Too expensive and you think it is not worth to go, too cheap and you think that there are corners being cut. Swinburne's price of 50 bucks is way too cheap. I would pay 100 for a fantastic night rather than some shoddy, low class, half hearted, budgeted shit that cost me 50. Its simple economics. You spend a 100 bucks on a night that you are bound to enjoy, you feel that the 100 was worth it. If you spend 50 bucks on a shitty prom, chances are you feel that you spent 50 bucks for nothing. Not to mention the new suit and perfume you bought, the limo you hired, the pack of condoms and breath mints in your back pocket and the corsage/necklace that you gave to your date. 

6. The venue

Do check out the venue, if its a good one then so be it. If its some hall like your local university hall, forget about it. 

7. The theme

Costumed parties like masquerade and dead celebrity parties would flunk unless you are a bunch of enthusiasts . There will always be a vast majority that do not obey the rules. 

8. The presence of sponsors

If there are sponsors, do check if they are related and are potentially able to lift the prom experience. Example of bad sponsorship that do not work, having a bridal showcase at a local prom. Honey, this ain't 16 and pregnant. Nobody is gonna be getting married that soon. Unless it is known that marrying at a young age is common in your community, do not do it. 

Lanterns

If I am only allowed to return to Kuching once a year, I would choose to return around the time of the mooncake festival.
Now there is nothing special about mooncake festival in Kuching
There are no lanterns hanging or floating or whatever
But it is my favorite festival of the year

I do not know why
There seems to be nothing specially momentous that happened at mooncake festival
But its definitely special to me

It represents hope, love, mystery and family
Enjoying the lanterns that you hung on the plants or fences
Sipping tea
Eating mooncakes
Watching the unfortunate lanterns burn
Relighting the lanterns that are out
Trying your best to fill the pitch black skill with organic candlelights encased in coloured paper rather than the artificial ones
More importantly spending time with 5 very special dogs

This is the first time I am spending mooncake festival away from home
I do admit that I am vulnerable and a bit homesick
Especially since the mooncakes here are so not up to par compared to ones at home
I blabbered to my Australian friends about home
I could not believe that
But I did
And I guess I made friends and grew closer
Its lonely but hey, its an adventure at the same time
Till then, ttyl bitches

Resolution Update

Earlier this year, I have posted a list of resolutions that I plan to keep for the year.
Here is an update followed by excuses of how has it been going on.
Resolution 1: CB or MMM
Crappy Budget status: On the fence, well I am pretty on the fence on this one, for one thing I felt that I am still spending at a somewhat stable limit, on days I spend more and some days I spend nothing where they both just cross each other out.
Make Me Miserablem status: No job = No misery = No Cash = PHAIL. Not very successful at getting jobs lately, maybe I am looking at the wrong direction?

Resolution 2: Flat Ass, Reduction in Waist Size, Skinny things and calves, thin looking face, pecs that are suitable for an athletic well toned person, muscles etc etc
Status: PHAILED (currently)
I dunno, no excuse for this one. My mistake is waiting for others to join me, should have grown a pair of balls and walked in and not get intimidated.

Resolution 3: Sing and Dance more
Status: Succeeding
I have been doing a lot more of that now, fun!!!!!!!

Resolution 4: Cut down on shopping, buy what is necessary
Status: ?
Well, I mean I have been buying a lot of necessary things lately, you know, all those essential clothing and stuff, the things I buy like ice-cream, clothes and stuff are necessary for my sanity so like I am succeeding right? RIGHT?
Status: I say succeed but feel that its more likely a PHAIL

Resolution 5: Go Vegan/ Vegetarian
Status: PHAIL
I love meat, that's it. I love my meat, especially PORK. You would never understand how to appreciate pork unless you have gone 10 weeks without it, fuck you NS. You would also never understand how to appreciate beef until you realized that your dad is no longer by your side, nagging about eat beef is like being as sinful as polygamy or something. Unless its veal, I didn't know what veal was until I googled it and saw what it actually is made of AFTER I made a fantastic veal dish. Just so you know, my heart burns and aches figuratively like  after what happened to a fat guy running after an ice-cream truck.

Resolution 6: Be More Positive, Enthusiastic, Ass Kissy
Status: Success
I have been a very very good boy lately, well its true! I haven't had sex yet! I have not succumb to my alcoholism yet!

Resolution 7: Drive less, bike more
Resolution 7 (b): Learn to ride a bike
Status: Success and PHAIL (respectively)
I don't drive anymore! I am so happy about that! But yeah, still unable to ride a bike

Resolution 8: Put a lot less effort in Debating
Status: Success but wanting to PHAIL
Well, this hiatus is nice but yeah, I still do feel the longing of debating against people from other countries and travel and such. Only time will tell, I guess

Resolution 9: Stay away from any one who has a Mac, iPad or Samsung Galaxy Tab
Status: Success, Obsolete and Obsolete
I no longer crave the Galaxy Tab. I have an iPad but yeah, managed to avoid anyone who has a Mac, kudos to me!

There is still 4 months left, summer beach bod, here I come!

The Ride Begins: First Impressions

Homework, Assignments, Assessments

Things are beginning to pile up now

I am definitely very very busy 

I rarely have time to myself

I might have to cancel or shelf the shows that I plan to watch

This new adventure is certainly throwing a few curve balls around my life

My social life, currently seems like its going to expand

I plan to join the committee of the Business Society

I am in the drama club

I am in the French Speaking Society which is very important, especially next semester as I would be starting to learn French

Then, there is of course the people that I met at orientation

I certainly do not know how long this gang is going to last

You know.

People move on and change and find new friends

But I am having a great time so far

Company Law has been very competitive and there are like a group of people in there who certainly are there to impress

For Integrating Business Perspectives, well, lets just say its the polar opposite

Met a few acquaintances at FIS (its called Accounting For Business Decisions B or ABDB, but prefer FIS)

Contemporary France is a small class but it has it quirks

Learning about Europe, getting a taste of what its like to be an Arts & Humanities student. 

It was interesting, very interesting and I had a lot of fun with it

Though it might not seem like it

As for a the few other loves in my life

Debating, I am still in limbo about it

I still do not know whether I plan to join or not

Kasun was the finals adjudicator of KLOC

I am pissed.

I mean congratulations and I am proud of him for achieving such a great accolade

But I am still pissed.

Because, it just lights a fire in me

That I want to compete and prove that I am better in the debating circuit

Like return and try for that glory and compete at Worlds

I had that dream once

Should I pursue it again?

Or shall I drop it and pursue other opportunities?

The Writers society seems fun

But the self publishing stuff is just not my kind of thing

I mean I want to at least have connections and opportunities to get a book published, fine.

But zines?

I don't know about that, seems very indy for me and I am more of the mainstream type.

Citing creative differences is what my head is currently spinning around for now

Well, obviously, you know there are more opinions of mine talking about nice shit and gossiping about the other clubs I have seen. But I don't want to anger anyone or cause some sort of outrage where people comment shit about me. I do not know why they do that, its just an opinion. This is what Malaysia has come to, everyone is so fucking sensitive and so self righteous, whatever you write or say that makes them FEEL that you are dissing them, they diss you. No wonder why Malaysian commercials show people pointing with their thumbs.

Dissing Anime in general and anime fanatics in general is a whole lot different than dissing the Swinburne or UTS anime club. But some people just take it a wrong way that they think you are insulting them. Opinions are opinions, they sometime do hurt but hey as long as they are general and not specifically aimed at someone, its fine. 

Green Light Given, Adventure Begins

I have enough exemptions for me to be allowed to stay and study here, so it is green lighted.
I am happy to be here
Still trying to adjust here though
Trying to find my footing, building up my social circle, thinking of what clubs to join, waiting for interviews from jobs

I am still pissed at the person who left me in the streets
Its funny what infatuation, interest and curiosity can do
I liked that person
To be ditched like that
Not cool
I am still angry
I know its not worth it
But sometimes you just cannot help it

Its either being angry at myself for being so stupid, being so naive
Its being angry at fate
Its being angry at said person for being a big ass jerk
What can I do eh?

My mood right now is so 'Behind These Hazel Eyes' by Kelly Clarkson
and
I wanna send the message of 'Don't Hold Your Breath' by Nicole Scherzinger to that piece of shitass jerk

First day of school

Well, the pilot is still awaiting green light
I still do not know I am officially allowed to stay here because of the credits
But I wanted to, I need to
Because I feel like a new chapter of my life is starting right now
Having it cut short and then return home
It would suck so bad
I can only hope things get better from here
Something unexpectedly cruel happened last night
I could not believe it

Last night,
I have to say
I was not expecting what had happened
I don't want to talk about it
Since its a personal and emotional issue right now
There is no one else needing to worry about it
I am still trying to get my emotions in check
I have learned that I am overtly expressive
But controlling and stabilizing my emotions are definitely a challenge
I lose my temper easily, I cry easily
I definitely feel vulnerable and its hard to build a shell around myself
I still do not know who I am more angry at
Myself or that person

Its a real eye opener
You thought you know someone
But you actually don't
Heartbreaking essentially

But I am definitely not letting it get to me
If getting rid of the past
Is to move forward
Then I will

I am here to study
I have to focus
I don't know whether I would be totally be honest and open
or just build up a wall
All I know is that
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life
I am feeling good that I am here
I am ready to kick ass

Falling out of love with you

A story five years in the making
Distance prevented what could have happened
A longing towards getting together
To be with each other
Just to know
What true love feels

There were times where the paths could have crossed
Opportunities were given but never taken
Circumstances prevented these two people
From discovering the potential of their love

Leaded by hormones
Connected by commonalities
From there the love grows
But why oh why
Would these two lovers cannot be together

Is it fate?
Is it destined?
Is it always meant to be?
That we always will have the chance to be together
But circumstances will always prevent us to meet
Are we meeting?
Are we dating?
Are we going to learn about each other?
Because we better do as deep in my heart right now
I am falling out of love with you

Music is what brought these two together
A symphony of love emerged from there
The connection they felt was so special
But maybe not to all
At least for one of them
It is

Leaded by hormones

Connected by commonalities

From there the love grows

But why oh why

Would these two lovers cannot be together

Is it fate?

Is it destined?

Is it always meant to be? 

That we always will have the chance to be together

But circumstances will always prevent us to meet

Are we meeting?

Are we dating?

Are we going to learn about each other?

Because we better do as deep in my heart right now

I am falling out of love with you

Its as simple as science and faith
The chemistry we had together was explosive
The love that grew from spending time with each other was expressive
It seems distance was the only obstruction
But is it enough to kill a love story
I don't think so but
I am
Falling out of love with you

Falling out of love with you
Falling out of love with you
Falling...

Is it fate?

Is it destined?

Is it always meant to be? 

That we always will have the chance to be together

But circumstances will always prevent us to meet

Are we meeting?

Are we dating?

Are we going to learn about each other?

Because we better do as deep in my heart right now

I am falling out of love with you

Its like awaiting the the premiere/green light

Well, the Brendan Goh spin-off from the Swinburne Debater's Club is awaiting green light
Whether or not the green light will be given
Whether Brendan will be staying in Sydney or forced to return to Kuching
You cannot deny that on both sides, you can have a great story and journey with endless possibilities to write on.

On one hand, the spin-off (Brendan staying in Sydney), gives him new adventures, new cast members, a fresh start essentially. It definitely will be different as there are new tasks and other priorities taking ahead of what he wants

''You definitely see some changes in Brendan, things will be different for him. There are a lot more opportunities and paths that he could take. A lot more dynamics coming in to play, there will be a part-time job, more emphasis on work and career as well as fitting in a much more easier to adapt environment'' said Fate, the show runner for both shows

When asked about the fact that Brendan will be living alone, caring for his aunt's apartment, Fate adds, ''The independence factor is certainly another new dynamic, Brendan now has more responsibility and roles to play around with. As well as living in his aunt's place, we definitely will see more drama, not only with his aunt but the house itself as well.''

''Debate is certainly taking a back seat this time, Brendan joined the debaters club to find friends and connect together with people who have some significant common ground with him back then, and we certainly have seen some lifelong friendships being formed,'' said Fate, '' Now, with an even more expansive list of association and clubs, we certainly see that Brendan is very much tempted with joining all the other societies, but who knows, as you have seen in the season finale, his debate books are with him, so who knows, there might be a return towards debate, everything is very much certainly up in the air in that department.''

However, Fate does add that the new cast members won't be revealed until later episodes, which could stretch as far as until mid-season. ''This series really emphasizes on Brendan himself, so the first few episodes will be about living in a new place and adjusting about it as well as the numerous problems that come in the way, we certainly do have a rotating cast of recurring and guest actors to interact with but certainly nothing has set in stone about the other cast.''

As for the other side of the spectrum, if the pilot fails, then Brendan would indeed return to the original show as a series regular

''We will have Brendan dealing with the regret, the sadness and disappointment of the withdrawal and we would definitely see his emotions go a bit unstable at times, he will definitely be sad. Although, yes, he will accept the fact that he is not going to study overseas for now, it does not mean he cannot do it later or that he cannot be pissed about it. Moreover, there was a romance in development with him and another person which was cut short due to the potential of the new series. We see what happens when he returns to that. There definitely is a few more stories left untold here and there but we'd really wish that the new show pulls through because of the more stories that can be told.''

The new Brendan Goh show which is as yet untitled is still in limbo with the network executives but there are certainly a few names were thrown around. There are a lot but we are showcasing a few ridiculous ones that are actually being considered. Therefore we are listing the ones that we do not like or think would not work to the showrunner that these titles should not even be considered or even thought of:

Ugly Brendan
Brendan and the city
Brendan: Life on the uni lane
Brendan takes on Sydney
The Life of Brendan Goh
How I Met Brendan Goh
Bimbo Theory
Charming Brendan
Project Brendan
Goh's Anatomy
Keeping Up with Brendan Goh
Sydney Shore
The Only Way is Brendan
Brendan Who
The Brendan Goh Show
The Brendan Show
The Good Student
Gossip Boy
Desperate Brendan
Brendan Legal

As well as the Chelsea Handler rip-offs
Brendan's Horizontal Life
Are you there Chardonnay? Its me, Brendan
Brendan Brendan Bang Bang
Lies that Brendan Goh told me

Brendzblog Sanctuary Breached

Brendzblog is my avenue of releasing stress when no one is around
It is one of my comforts, releasing what I feel or what I want to say in this little website of mine
No repurcussions (well almost none), no censorship, no control over what I should say or what I should not share
I set up this website way back in 2006 because I have no one to relate to and I needed a place for me where I can feel accepted
I was lonely back then

I mean, I do have friends and I love them for that but the level of closeness of what I have experienced between my friends in high school and the ones in Swinburne were worlds apart.
I don't miss my high school friends but I certainly do miss the uni ones, (yes Cyril u maybe form both but ur better in uni)
I was ecstatic when graduated from high school but leaving Swinburne, transferring to a different country, I find it very surprising that it feels bittersweet.
I was sad that I could not get to know better some of the newer friends who I have begun to be closer with and I was sad that I could not spend more time with people that I hold dear, people who dare I say, consider that they are family.
I never had that kind of closeness back in high school.

But now as you can see, most of the stuff I write here are cryptic somewhat
Come on, if you read closely you would know what I am writing about
But yeah
I 'complicate' things
You see... my sanctuary has been breached, my parents found my blog site
I was pissed that now, I cannot say or do whatever I wanted to do
But now that I am in a different country and they cannot remember the name of this site
I guess you can say that I can say whatever I want
But I cannot think these days for some reason

I guess having friends in uni, they are my main source of people that I bitch to about
I have an avenue to release my stress
Yet at the same time learn to care and appreciate them like the individuals that they are
A form of mutual respect that grows in to care and love.
I love my friends and it kills me that they are not here with me
I am leaving my support system and I know I can create a new one
So here it begins
My journey in Australia, awaiting its commencement
Lets hope it does not get cancelled before it even started
Then again, lets hope it the series has run its due course
I do not know what to expect, but I know this journey is not easy
I hope I have the strength to do this

So close yet so far

1. Make sure my grades are fantastic
2. Make sure I am healthy
3. Make sure that my duration of study in the Aussie Uni is 1-1.5 years
4 I need it to be in a G8 uni

Lets hope conditions 1 to 3 go very smooth and condition 4 is a big yes as well.
Wish me luck
Or I am pretty sure its the return of the disgraced prodigal son

Sigh to the Broken Heart

Take a breath
Let it out
Let you vocals hiss the sound

Feel your head
Feel  it clear out
Calm yourself down
Let the feeling flow

It could be a sign of relief
It could be a sign of defeat
A possible indication of regret
And sometimes there is nothing to do, but

Sigh
Let it all out
Let it relax you right now
And sigh
Let it wash all over you
Let your breath release the tension inside you

Cause there is nothing that I can do
I know that I love you
But now that is all over
There is nothing I can do but sigh

The moments were bliss
The kisses that I would miss
Now that its all over
Oh what I wouldn't give

Its been a fun ride
Its been a great time
Girl, we been through thick and thin
Now you say its over, I can only

Sigh

Let it all out

Let it relax you right now

And sigh

Let it wash all over you

Let your breath release the tension inside you

Cause there is nothing that I can do 

I know that I love you

But now that is all over

There is nothing I can do but sigh

I feel it course to my veins

Girl I felt the pain

Why did you have to break my heart 

Let all these crazy thoughts inside my head

Where did I go wrong

Why am I not good enough for you

What I can never give

That wanna make you sever our ties

I am angry at you

Disappointed in you

For making me the shell of the man

I used to be

You killed my heart

Shut down my brain

Forming tears in my eyes

But there is way too much to process, so I

Sigh

Let it all out

Let it relax you right now

And sigh

Let it wash all over you

Let your breath release the tension inside you

Cause there is nothing that I can do 

I know that I love you

But now that is all over

There is nothing I can do but sigh

Sigh

Let it all out

Let it relax you right now

And sigh

Let it wash all over you

Let your breath release the tension inside you

Cause there is nothing that I can do 

I know that I love you

But now that is all over

There is nothing I can do but sigh

You are not my everything

You are not my everything
You are not my everything
You are not my everything
You are not my everything

Don't think that I would always depend on you
Don't think that I would always be with you
I am not always going to be at your side
I have my own life
And I do what I want oh...

Cause you think that you can control me
Making me following you around
Dictate my actions
Predict my thoughts
Boy, I can surely tell you that you so wrong

You are not my everything oh oh

Here's the story
Boy meets girl
Girl falls in love with boy
Boy loves girl way too much
Becomes extremely possessive

He's always worrying when she will cheat on him
He's always wondering when will it be over
He is scared that when she's gone
He will have nothing to live for

So he puts her on a leash
Treats her like his little bitch
Makes sure that she follows her around
Never leaving out of his sight, but

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

Don't think that I would always depend on you

Don't think that I would always be with you

I am not always going to be at your side

I have my own life

And I do what I want oh... 

Cause you think that you can control me

Making me following you around

Dictate my actions

Predict my thoughts

Boy, I can surely tell you that you so wrong

You are not my everything oh oh

She couldn't say anything

She loves him way too much

She follows him around

Not knowing man don't know how to treat a lady

But the signs are popping up around

When he starts to dominate her

When he forbids her to see her friends

When he gets angry when talking to another man

Now girlfriend dunno what to do

She is torn by her freedom and the man she loves

What is logically is an easy decision

Now all she sees is complications 

Doesn't she know that

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

You are not my everything

Don't think that I would always depend on you

Don't think that I would always be with you

I am not always going to be at your side

I have my own life

And I do what I want oh... 

Cause you think that you can control me

Making me following you around

Dictate my actions

Predict my thoughts

Boy, I can surely tell you that you so wrong

You are not my everything oh oh

Why the man has to be such a dick

Why the girl is such a dumb bitch

Why can't she see the problem can be easily solved

Why does she let him could her judgment

Its funny what we make ourselves do

Suffer and tolerate through

They call it crazy in love

But we all know its just shit to us

A letter to the fucker who schedule the final exams

Dear Fucker who scheduled the final exams...

First of all, I would like to say that you, sir/madam should grab a .38 and stuff it into your asshole and shoot yourself. You have caused serious emotional malfunction towards this very already emotionally deranged, delusional, over-dramatic and drastic student who wants to transfer into a different university in July.Why? Simple... The subjects Management Accounting for Planning and Control and Corporate Accounting are only TWO(2) days apart. TWO freaking days. TWO motherfucking short days which will cause serious mental issues towards every student who took both subjects stated. Do you know how taxing this is? Do you know how much am I freaking out right now? I tell you how much... Enough to make me think of murdering your ass and spending time thinking very very sick thoughts about methods towards torturing your absolutely sad existence. Then to add insult to injury, you put my other subject, Contract Law on the 9th of June... That means that from the period from 26th of May till the 9th of June, I will be spending time to study Contract Law, time that should have been given for me to study Corporate Accounting!

Corporate Accounting is known to be one of those killer subjects with absolutely high failing rates and you put it two days later from another subject. What the fuck are you thinking? And to put it on the 26th aka 4th day of exam to add insult to injury, that really is the last straw buddy. If I am going to die, I might as well take you down with me right? You better hope that my diligence and superior accounting rockstar talent can pull through this or your head is on my plate and my foot shoved deep into your ass and a spoon stuck into your stomach being used to scoop your guts out. How dare you ignore the business students! Fucker...

Seriously, you better hope I pass or else. I will make...

Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson gang rape you. This is to show how pathetic you are as those two are the most submissive, pussyboy faces that you will ever meet and to get fucked by a bunch of pussy boys?

You listen to over 100 versions of Rebecca Black's Friday and watch all the episodes of Dora The Explorer twice! This is to show you the supreme boredom I will face from 26th of May onwards

Gut you with a spoon and then let a vulture come and pick your guts. After that, fire ants shall be spread all over your body and adding in a bit of salt. This is to show you how torturing my current dilemma is

Rob you off all your money. I need to pay for my tuition somehow right? To the University of Newcastle!

Stuff your head inside an elephant's ass and then let it shower poop all over you. This is to make me laugh from a distance inside an air conditioned room.

Yeah... so you better be careful... There are a bunch of other things I wanted to write but I have to study and besides, the thoughts I put here will make blogger to put a content warning all over the page.

Regards
You better make sure I get HDs for all subjects.

Sigh

Life sucks... It just sucks... 

When can I get to finally go to UNSW?

When can I finally get accepted to the Unis that I wanted

Sigh

Life sucks

I am doomed

Not blogging, exams soon.
Blame Corporate Accounting
I am doomed
Officially doomed
Typing this blogpost is like typing the will for my imminent funeral
Shit
I am in deep deep shit

Departed

Oh...Oh............Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh eh oh oh eh seh oh eh wa
Oh... Oh............ Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh eh oh oh eh seh oh eh wa

I visualize
living in a different place
London, LA, Paris, Sydney
And I know one day
I would be living there
Cause there's nothing here for me

One thing that I would miss
The people who gave me bliss
My circle of friends
Who I can't take with me

I would miss you
I know that I won't be by your side
But though I know it was meant to be
It just sucks that we are departed

I know I would
miss out a lot
And it just sucks to know about that
And even though one day
We would meet again
It would somehow never feel like the same

I would miss all the times
The heartfelt bitching intertwined
All the drama, all the moments
That I am going to leave behind

I would miss you

I know that I won't be by your side

But though I know it was meant to be

It just sucks that we are departed

I know that this is for the best,

I know that these moments would not last

But it does not make me feel better

Cause I wish

That you would be here with me

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I would miss you

I know that I won't be by your side

But though I know it was meant to be

It just sucks that we are departed

Departed

Shit people say in debate

I have said a bunch of crap in debate but obviously none that would exceed my current best, which is

"We would torture these terrorist by feeding them pork and alcohol only''. (Debate on whether torture was a legitimate tool in interrogating terrorist)

Yes, I am a very insensitive and sadistic little bitch.
But when it comes to fun debates like about legalizing prostitution, the 'fun' factor just increases.
And when I mean fun
I mean dirty comments that are down right stupid and hilarious.
Though obviously I do not say any of those following
But the fact that juniors said this, was hilarious

My favorite was this

'Prostitutes earn more than Google, Nike and Starbucks combined'

Other notable quotes are

'By legalizing prostitution, you would have a lot of unwanted pregnancies'

'Swinburne University turning into a sex show' (Don't ask me how or why was it there)

'One person can only be allowed one prostitute as a partner'

'Prostitutes have to attend a workshop and a test'

'Money earn from prostitute can be used to fund schools and other government initiatives'

'I do not want to attend a school funded by prostitutes'

'Legalizing prostitution will cause a severe decrease in the work force because everyone will get STDs'

'The opposition say yes to bribery and no to prostitution'

'Humans have the right to get laid'

'What if the clients are underage?'

'Possibility of fake results on STD test'

Album Review: Femme Fatale by Britney Spears

Yes, you do realize that this review, goes without saying that I did it a little bit faster than the rest of them. Btw, I am reviewing the deluxe edition.

1. Till The World Ends

2. Hold It Against Me

3. Inside Out

4. I Wanna Go

5. How I Roll

6. (Drop Dead) Beautiful

7. Seal It With a Kiss

8. Big Fat Bass

9. Trouble For Me

10. Trip To Your Heart

11. Gasoline

12. Criminal

13. Up n' Down

14. He About to Lose Me

15. Selfish

16. Don't Keep Me Waiting

Notable Songs: Till The World Ends, Hold It Against Me, Inside Out, Gasoline.

The Good: Production was absolutely fantastic in this album. The beats, the music and the overall presentation sounds like a clubbers haven. Its definitely a joy to play this full blast in my car. Enjoying every minute of it while crusing down the street listening to it. Heck, I even curse less when people cut me off or drive very irresponsibly. I love some of the weird songs in there like 'How I Roll', 'Criminal' and 'Trip to Your Heart', they definitely serve some notable singles and the quirkiness of it is much loved.

The Bad: The sad fact is that the album is over worked, it becomes suddenly just myriad of club beats playing with Britney singing along in the background. Kinda sad as Britney does not need all of these production stuff because her vocals are fantastic as it is.

Overall: A disappointment, but still proud, hope we get more of this quirkiness but less of the production value and allow Britney's voice to shine.

Overall: Disappointed at the album but proud of it at the same time.

Rating: 3/5

Redemption... on the verge of an epic fail.

Midterms were a definite killer, both symbolically and literally. There is no denying that everyone has to go through this process of jitters, worry, panic, sweat and hours of studying in some room only to go to the venue and do the test and fuck it up within the span of the duration of the test. Yes, of course there are times that we do well and we are happy about it which may I add the fact that I am rarely about that these days and yes there is no need for me to complain about my midterms as everyone has also gone through the same process but having 3 midterm tests for the past 4 days is taxing and makes me imagine how I had survive two weeks of continuous writing and fretting during my days in high school. However, with the road to redemption being a lot more bumpy than it should be, I pray that the vehicle I chose (which by now I still dunno if its a SUV, sedan, convertible, truck, a piece of junk or a very pimped up piece of junk) will be able to reach my destination. I know that I am in for a fight and I am ready for it but I just hope and pray that I can make it. So anyway, here is what happened.

Contract Law

Contract Law, going in, I had somewhat of a full proof plan. I got the guide, I got the textbook, they work well tremendously. Open book test within a span of one hour, no problem till I hit a little snag with one of the questions, thinking too much obviously, I had realized that I had completely omitted one segment of a question, I managed to finished it but only having to sacrifice my last two questions. The second last was fine, only bad handwriting but the last one with 4 marks, I only managed to scribble somewhat of a sentence. My hands were to put it in an over dramatic fashion, gelatinous for the final 5 minutes. With 30% carrying on this midterm, I was obviously not too happy about fucking this one up. More importantly with said full proof plan being not entirely full proof and the unusual and unpredictable nature of the marking system, I am left begging for a high mark.

Management Accounting for Planning and Control

10 multiple choice questions, 40 choices.Gee such an easy task eh? Its only seven percent too. Doing well meant getting at the very least 8 out of 10 correct but with knowing that I already have 2 questions possibly on the wrong end. I am pretty much very worried. Though I do admit that at the time, the two hour Financial Accounting test would be a much larger priority, since its 15 percent of total grade and 100% absolute torture. It is basically down to the same level as putting some straight, homophobic guy to listen to Justin Bieber on the loop in his car and make sure everyone knows that its blaring of the speakers of his supposedly macho junk car. So yeah, I expect some shortcomings from this but I am worried of the extent of damage this neglect has done.

Financial Accounting

DIE!!!!!!!!!! Going in even the great blessings from Mother Monster, Lady Gaga herself could not prepare me for the nerves and jitters and penultimate suffering that I will receive from this baby. 36 multiple choice where most of them were basically holding a gun and shoot at the target, hoping it strikes. The questions at best were very minutely detailed where I realized that I forgotten most of them even though I knew I read them from somewhere. To add insult to injury,there are another two structured questions for us to tackle.Oh the joy, seeing the question being separated in more segments than a cheapskate with pizza! Sigh, it was always the quiet lecturers that give us the most suffering to endure. Never mind about the jerks, they at least warned you about it. Chan Soon Hua with his every continuous ums and hums which can be a very good drinking game (which could end either with you being shit ass drunk or die from alcohol poisoning) and very sweet natured personality was basically an evil spawn from the depths of hell awaiting to pounce on us unsuspectingly with financial accounting paraphernalia. We knew we were in for a fight but not a  long and arduous battle and certainly not an all out war resulting from a planned preemptive strike but there we were, fighting for our lives. We certainly look like we had been in a war when we come back or getting ass raped or both. Either way, the ink stains on our hands proved it. I practically scrambled in the last 5 minutes, managing to finish my paper, though I do not know the state of well being of my paper, I do know this: I fucked it up. Yes we were all crying, basically, some of my friends did not even finish. I can only imagine the shit we are getting into with other future subjects that are obviously more suffering than this.

Well, its all done now. Time to focus on assignments, time to focus on WSDC, time to have fun and relax. I shall await the time where I get to move away from this godforsaken place to a slightly better and much more livable place. No, I can no longer handle my job as the family doggy  nanny, personal assistant and overall punching bag/slave. I need to be out fast. July seems like an eternity now. Also, starting gym. Also my brothers are practically the most stupid people on earth who have never heard of th term 'manual' and 'photocopy'. As if hell in life is not enough.

Maybe

Maybe we could be together

Be with each other forever

Like two fated lovers

Finally getting each other

Maybe we could end up as friends

Brothers sworn until the end

Wouldn't it funny if it been

That we used to like each other

We could dream as much as we wanted

Coloring the skies the way we liked it

But for me, whatever happens happens

Cause its the way God intended it to be

Maybe are just maybes

Giving endless possibilities

No use fretting about it

But why can't I stop thinking about you

Maybe because I know I love you

And maybe you could love me too

I could kiss you right now

But for now, its nothing but a maybe

Maybe we are like horny teenagers

Publicly kissing to inform other people

That we are passionate lovers

Inseparable practically forever

Maybe our relationship will deepen more

Like shopping together at the grocery store

Debating over Oreo or Chipsmore

And all the petty things that I adore

I don't know if we would fight a lot

I don't know if we would fuck that much

All I know its that I want to give it a shot

But as I said, our fates are left to God

Maybe are just maybes

Giving endless possibilities

No use fretting about it

But why can't I stop thinking about you

Maybe because I know I love you

And you know that you love me too

I could kiss you right now

But for now, its nothing but a maybe

Its just sad that we are never at the same place at the same time

Oh how I wish that you were mine

We make each other feel like we are in cloud nine

But how come God is not so kind 

Dividing us apart with a natural borderline

Maybe are just maybes

Giving endless possibilities

No use fretting about it

But why can't I stop thinking about you

Maybe because I know I love you

And you know that you love me too

The tension is undeniable

I find you irresistible

I could kiss you right now

But for now, its nothing but a maybe

Nothing but a maybe

Reflections of a 21 year old

Yes, another year older, another year wiser, another year spent on figuring out what the heck am I going to do after graduation.
But I let the mood flow, life goes on and what not
But do I feel evolved like a pokemon, certainly not.
In fact, I feel the same, only a lot less bitchier than the 16 year old me

But one thing I do come realize is that
The people make the party
Not the party make the party

I guess I have grown up a bit
I don't argue as much
I am less obsessed
I know what is important in life (I think, you can never be too sure)
I learned to listen from both sides of the story instead of listening only to the one that feels righteous and true
I felt that I am now more appreciative for those who are around and close to me
Kuching sans the bloody fucking Asians who rave on stupidity seems somewhat comfortable now
Like a foreigner finally adjusting to his surroundings, yeah, it takes 21 years to do that
London is home like in 3 days, Australia is familiar in a week, but 21 years for Kuching
Why?
You know it, I know it, there is only one explanation.

Now, that currently, my plans to be a foreign student seems to be imminent and possible and will occur in a very short time.
I am scrambling to keep my grades up and also, to spend more time with those I hold dear.
Its like mass producing those moments which makes you appreciate the people in your life
Luckily, I am taking 3 subjects this year
With the fact that I am worrying practically all the time about my future education
The time that I need to spend with friends
And the time needed to spend on ensuring my place in a good university which means focusing on more homework.
I would be very busy now
This blog as usual will still be in my life
But it will be a dear friend that I will visit less due to my current commitments.
As is with it the past year or so
Looks like its time to rally up, kick ass and hope for the best

Turning 21 is a a pain

I have always imagined my 21st birthday party to be something extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring that Lady Gaga's next video would somehow pay tribute to said extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring party. Instead I have a low key celebration where the only thing that bears some resemblance to that extravagant, wild, crazy, awe-inspiring party is the cake.

I guess my dreams of being a spoiled brat with the awesome party is officially over cause after you turn 21, ie being officially an adult (still not seeing that happening anytime soon), being allowed to vote (i do not give a shit) and get the maximum sentence regardless of any crime you commit (whoop de doo, u looking at a future bitch pussy boy), you are kinda not a spoiled brat anymore.

Other than that, there is the whole age thing going on. You going to be ancient, you going to feel ancient and then also you get that fierce determination to do something big before you turn 25 because after that everything just goes into stagnant shit mode.

Well, I guess I did something "mature" once. Listening to my dad and deciding to spend my birthday with the family instead of arguing with him and debating the advantages of spending my birthday in a debate tournament and the disadvantages of hosting a party at home which I might add, will NEVER happen if I did not say anything. Yes, that is how pathetically cheap and awe-inspiringly insensitive my parents are. You would think that an avid traditional buddhist fanatic and a bimbotic woman who knows the terms "celebration" and "enjoyment" like a christian fanatic knowing every single verse in the bible would think of something as traditional as their son's 21st birthday should be special. If given to them, I would spend the morning cutting some stupid key shaped birthday cake, eating stupid red eggs, giving half of key shaped cake to unappreciative relatives who never eat them because they are old and sugar is like poison to them or something and then given some key that would open to absolutely nothing. Never mind the Porsche, never mind the Mazda RX-8, the Maserati is miles away along with the Mini Countryman, the BMW M3, X6 or the Z convertible are somewhere over the rainbow, forget about the 75' Dodge Viper, forget about anything. That key probably does not even open a lock and even if there is a lock, it would be as lost as an episode of Lost.

To be honest, I cancelled my trip. A trip to debate sure but also a trip to spend nights with friends giggling, partying, gossiping, drinking. A trip to have sex and not needing to worry what happens later. A trip to have absolute fun. And I gave that up for what? A half hearted party? You wanted me to stay so that you can watch me like some Pokemon evolving the minute I turned 21 and you barely made an effort to do so to celebrate that occasion? Being disappointed is an understatement, heck being murderously furious would be an understatement right now.

I am already very unhappy that some of my close friends would not be around to celebrate this occasion with me because apparently debating is more important that someone's birthday, more specifically mine! Neither any of them who are going, planned a pre celebration for me. NO, its all study this, debate that, all for what? Head into some tournament where only one team will be having some what of a chance to break into octofinals and get eliminated from there? Clinging on to that smidge of hope that they will break only to have it crushed? Yes, I am angry, I am not happy but I do understand the circumstances and I wish them all the best but I still have the right to be pissed. I am OLDER than the Malaysian Debate Open after all. And they are missing my Pokemon evolution and the cake.

Now, my parents are now trying to sabotage my party on what they think is better. My father wants to invite my relatives even though I made it clear that A) it should be a friends only party and B) if he wants to include my relatives that the celebration should be seperate. I do not want the door of my house be some replica of the Berlin Wall or the Great Wall of China. You know what, it is the Great Wall of China. My friends and relatives will be as seperated as the seperation of church and state in the democracy of the United States of America. Not only do I have to speak to both sides of the family running around like some stupid messenger in a frantic motion, my friends would feel more than a bit awkward. And worse is that my dad will go into another of his tirades to satisfy his attention seeking fulfilment or my relatives putting in racist remarks. I practically have a replica of the whole One Malaysia shit going on, all you need is a bunch of whites, blacks and latinos and I pretty much have the whole UN in there! I am sure my friends are open-minded but still its embarassing to be known to come from such an ignorant and isolated background.

Then my mother absolutely surprising need to butt in and just make everything worse only to be blamed and then screamed and go into defense mode. Simple fact is, her opinions just makes things worse. I am alright with her switching the sizes of the cake, I love chocolate anyway but to spray GOLD leafs, GOLD shit all over my cake, to be worried is an understatement. I dunno if my cake is going to look like lady gaga or a cheap tramp ass whore. I dunno if its going to look expensive or look incredibly cheap. I dunno if my cake will live up to my dream and satisfaction of getting my cake right. Then there is the fact that I have to get the front porch cleaned because of the damned grasscutter simply cutting the grass sending blades of weed and grass to the front porch and clogging the drain.

Then there are my brothers that provide nothing but absolute uselessness in helping out. In fact Ryan's impulsiveness would threaten to ruin my party and a sloth would be more active than Darren. Also, I pretty much have absolute zero help. The party is tomorrow night, I am already in tatters and feeling the 'rage' of evolution. I know I have not done this in a long time but I am requesting that You, God to help me in this difficult time of sorrow and torture. I know that some people who keep on praying for You, claiming they are being Your best friend, saying that they can define and express their relationship with You like they are like your BFF or something and saying that being judgmental, hypocritic bitchest that they are, doing whatever shit they condemn doing. I have not been much trouble lately but I need you help right now so yeah, please do help, thank you.

The Ultimate Fangirl FanFic

Its been in my mind for quite some time but hey, why don't I give it a shot. I have been reading a few online fanfics recently out of curiousity and the fact that I wanna think what else the iPad is good for other than playing games, taking down notes (real test to be put on soon during lecture) and blurt to almost any Apple worshipper who does not have an iPad, that I have an iPad. And yes, I am that bored. Don't get me wrong but my Kindle, cell phone, computer and iPod pretty much already filled any other void that the iPad can fill.

Justin Bieber, Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Zac Efron, David Henrie, Seungri, Taeyang, TOP, G-Dragon, Daesung, Aaron Carter, Nick Carter, All 25 members of Super Junior, Shinee, Se7en, Rain, Jay Chou, Wang Lee Hom, The men of 90210, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and Glee all gather together, laid down on one knee and proposed to me, somefatselfobsessedchickwithnobrains. I accepted them all, they spend their days cleaning after me, making love to me, shower me with gifts, make me more money and stuff.

The end

Album Review: Science & Faith by the Script

This has been a while, its not because I was really late in buying this album. The reason is that I keep looping the album in the car and I always seem to have somehow forgotten about blogging about this album or when I actually do remember it, it was not the right time, so now finally, I have the time to do so. So now here is the review. The song list are as follows

1. You Won't Feel a Thing
2. For the First Time
3. Nothing
4. Science & Faith
5. If You Ever Come Back
6. Long Gone and Moved On
7. Dead Man Walking
8. This is Love
9. Walk Away
10. Exit Wounds

Notable Songs: Nothing, Science & Faith, Exit Wounds & If You Ever Come Back

The Good: The fact that the songs in the Script can range from a soothing song that calms your nerves, to songs that can make you feel good to songs that you can see yourself making out with someone in your car is just fantastic for my car. No matter what song it plays, it would set the mood straight. If I feel sad, the song comforts me, if I feel pissed, it calms me down. But now from a non psyche standpoint, it really is not much different than the first album in terms of sound, you still hear what you hear from the first album. This can only mean one thing: it justs gets better and better. The lyrics are poetic and the songs by the Script this time do not really drone on like one real long song like the first one. Which is fantastic

You Won't Feel a Thing is a nice song, a sort of intro towards the main content like it is some kind of prequel. I liked it as I felt it was a good taste before dwelling into more deeper 'Scriptness'

For the First Time may be released as a single but it does not stand out for me as it kinds of blends in or gets out shone by the other songs, definitely less catchier than the others.

Nothing is a great standard Script song. I love it because it just reminds me why I liked them.

Science & Faith is my favourite in the album. I love how the lyrics just speak out in relation to well science and faith. I love it so much that its just so romantic. Slightly different than the usual Script's emo tone, but I love it more than usual.

If You Ever Come Back is noted because I find myself connected to the song, post Science & Faith syndrome a maybe but hey, I love it none the less.

Dead Man Walking is a catchy song and somewhat eerie. Definitely a pop out but a subtle one.

This is Love talks about sacrifice and love.

Walk Away is really really catchy and it has that slightly eerieness that's present in Dead Man Walking

Exit Wounds is my personal favourite as it is pretty much the most dramatic song in the album and I know how getting your heart broken feels like and if I ever need something to set my mood, Exit Wounds it is.

The Bad: Its the same old thing, there may be slight variations but nothing much. I also feel that for some reason 10 songs is just not enough. After Exit Wounds, it felt like a cliffhanger for some reason.

Overall: I find it a very enjoyable album to listen to, definitely room for improvement but very enjoyable nontheless, on par with the first album though I do find myself preferring the first one at times.

Rating: Script gets 4 out of 5. Good but not good enough to warrant a huge success from me

Debate future in doubt

To be honest, at first I really liked debating. Not only in the sense of intellectual discussions and the obvious mind blowing realizations that you get into it but also the friends that I have made through debating. Debaters are not just a bunch of people getting into a club and sit in a stuffy room and then talk shit, debaters are also a community of heavy drinkers and interesting life stories that you can listen to tirelessly. It's fun, its great, its fantastic but after I leave Swinburne, I highly doubt that I would continue debating  nor return to it after a hiatus. In fact, I am actually contemplating on retiring debating.

It has come to a point in my life that I ask myself this question: Debating maybe fun but is it something that I would use to its full extent in my future? The answer is no. Unless I am into political science, I highly find much use of it other than arguing with my parents to get myself out of messy situations or proving my points properly. I am a writer at heart, a person who likes to write, who likes to read and convey my feelings through a pen and paper or through a keyboard and a monitor or through the ipad or the keypads on my cell phone who by the way, is currently pursuing an accounts major. Speaking maybe one of my fortes but I'd prefer to write any time of the day.

Next, it has also come to a point where I am need of the feeling to expand my horizons, finding another side of me. The debaters club and its debaters have housed my social needs for the past 3 years. I have made many friends there from book geeks to womanizers where I have become someone's potential groomsmen and someone's enemy. But now, there are other horizons unexplored, other communities that are practically unseen and invisible to me. It is now time for me to weed out another cast of people with the same interests as I have where those interests that I have never explored yet. It feels interesting to do that.

No one can replace the friendships that I have made from Swinburne, especially the debaters. Which makes me highly doubt that I can make close friends from other debaters club. They are just a bunch of really cool people that I don't think other people may be up to par with them. It took me exactly a whole year to finally being able to be comfortable with the debaters. I highly doubt I have that kind of patience anymore. Plus and besides, I kinda miss having a small cast like Entourage or Sex and the City or to a certain extent, Desperate Housewives. The whole Glee cast thing was fun, but I want to have a larger spotlight in my life now.

Well, in the end, lets just say this. Tentatively, it looks like I am heading to MDO and KDO as my last two retirement tour dates.

Chinese is good enough for me

That statement above is the most bloody fucked up sentence in the history if sentences ever created. Bloody fucking Asians of lower class and stupidity would always say these, especially those from Chinese educated mediums. Look, if Chinese is bloody fucking important, everyone in the world would be communicating in Chinese by now. Yes, I know that China is a powerhouse in the international economy but that does not mean that you should drop English in its entirety. Hello, people still trade with the Americans! Do you see the Chinese Yuan as an important currency? You usually trade with the States (USD), the Brits (GBP), the Europeans (Euro) and the Japanese (Yen). If the Yuan is not important you think the Ringgit is? The next most important is probably South Africa (Rand).

Sometimes I don't know whether I should pity or look them in disgust of those certain types. Choosing to focus on one language while neglecting the rest. I don't know if its whether the way they were raised or is it the perception of their deluded mind that English is not an imprtant language. Look don't blame me that the whole world uses English, blame the industrial revolution, blame those explorers who conquer the lands and in turn moulding us into the way that we are now, it was not our fault that everyone speaks English. It is the world as it is today and we have to adapt in order to survive. It just abhors me that why would these people not think for the betterment of themselves.

These bloody Malaysians feel comfortable in their little world, not thinking about their consequences, not thinking about how to better their lives, just living so stagnant and comfortable without a care in the world. When things turn for the worse, they let others to solve their problem, you know why so many young Malaysians these days are bankrupt because they got no balls to settle their debt, if they got into deepshit, just declare bankruptcy and all your problems will be solved, not caring about their rights and obligations. That is a prime example of a bunch of quitters right there.

I do not know why these people are so content with Chinese or their respective mother tongues and not learn their own language. My first language may be English but hey I still learn Chinese, I may hate it when i was a kid and my level of Chinese is not at a very high level but at least I am fluent and able to speak the langauge properly. It is another tool and another advantage for me as well as getting to learn my culture. If there is a fear of not being fluent in Chinese that means that you betray your culture, that is just complete bullshit, in the modern world, loads of people are multilingual yet still appreciate and follow the values of their respective culture. There is not necessarily the need of one culture to be communicated through their own language, other languages are possible too because languages are used to communicate.

Personally I do not know what to do with these people, if you really want to learn, then get out of your comfort zone, I did, why shouldn't they do it too? Complacency is a sin, honestly.

Resolutions

People always make resolutions in the new year, vowing to change themselves and their lifestyle, but as we all know, most people don't keep their resolutions, so I plan to and will not be one of those people. After, a resolution is a promise, a promise to yourself. If you cannot promise yourself, then what good you are to other people? Plus, I hope that I am not a hypocrite which is a recessive gene in both parents and a certain someone who is a dear friend says that I have all the recessive genes of my parents, which is true, I guess. Good god, how the hell am I going to do this...

Resolution 1: CB or MMM

Cut Back or Make More Money or what I would prefer to call, Crappy Budget and Make Me Miserable. So I either save more or earn more money, both requiring some form of sacrifice. MMM, please, MMM, I cannot do CB, goodness gracious god knows what would happen when I see that really really really pretty looking cashmere cardigan from Esprit... But that means taking a part time job... but where? what? and how? Should I do waitering (GOOD GOD NO) or food servicing like starbucks (errr... even though I don't frequently go to Starbucks, but I would like to be anonymous) or shop assisting? Btw, where the hell is a personal shopping job opening when you need one, now THAT I can do.

Resolution 2: Get Healthy, Fit, Sexy, Athletic, a Flat Belly, Flat Ass, Reduce Waist Size to 31 and or below, Skinny thighs and calves, pecs that are absolutely alright for an athlete or well toned person, thin looking face, muscles, etc, anything that looks good with exercise. YES, EXERCISE!

Sign up for a gym membership or work out at home or stuff... Basically I need to get well, yeah, sexy again. I need to bring sexy back. Apparently dancing to Britney in my room is not enough.

Resolution 3: Sing and Dance more!!!!

I realize I don't dance and sing in my room as often as I used to, so yeah, lets do that!

Resolution 4: Cut down on shopping, buy what is necessary

But I need to define necessity though, sigh, basically shop a lot less. Less visiting shops, any kind of shops...

Resolution 5: Go Vegan, Vegetarian, whatever, anything to do with veg and no more red meat, though I need a good dose of protein though, guys need protein right?

I wonder does Kuching sell, Nutrigrain?

Resolution 6: Be more positive and be more enthusiastic, be more ass kissy

But I wonder does that mean, be less me? I dunno, I should be more happy in life and less stressful, apparently stress makes you fat since you dive for chocolate more, I hate stress, screw my mother and the whole drama about overseas application and finances and whatever, only make me even more stress and chocolate craving! I am so going to disown my parents if Ryan gets to spend his whole degree in overseas. I mean do you apply first get accpeted and work the finances later ot you work the finances first apply and then get accepted, would I even get accepted in the first place?

Resolution 7: Drive less, bike more

But I have to learn to ride a bike

Prerequisite Resolution to Resolution 7 also known as Resolution 7(b): Learn to ride a bicycle.

Hah! Eat that Swinburne, I get to be more eco-friendly, lose more weight and do not need to pay for your overpriced parking! HA! But that means I should learn to ride like now and stuff...

Resolution 8: Put a lot less effort in Debating

Yes, my epiphany in the largest shopping mall in the Southern Hemisphere (Chadstone) came to me when I was staring at this gorgeous pair of pink cargo pants in Esprit (which I did not buy as I got too many cargo pants already), and that really pretty orange shirt at Ben Sherman (which I still did not buy because its to expensive) and that pretty looking black tee from Esprit (which I did not buy because the price is slightly unreasonable, actually reasonable also because of fear of my mom bitching about my obsession with plain black T-shirts, I mean seriously like 7 black tees is reasonable right?) and the really nice Japanese inspired hoodie at Rampage (although really cheap and I can buy but I didn't because that would make 5 outerwears that I own which in my mother's world and perception and supposed law of men being minimalist where 90% of closet space should be for women, I would probably get yelled at even though its so pretty and SO JAPAN, well at least I think it is with all the Japanese and Tokyo signage which would pull of as a souvenir from Japan which means people can assume that I went to Japan and people would ask, "OMG, Brendan, you went to Japan TOO?" And then people would call me the Guy who went to Japan.) Anyway, all this NOT shopping made me think, gee golly Brendan, why you don't have a lot of cash, Brendan? Where did they all flew to? Which then ended up in this explanation, I WENT TO DEBATE TOURNAMENTS, all my cash is spent there! So it made me to face this horrible decision, more clothes or a chance to debate with other people or other nations and cultures and travel, it is such a horrible trade off, damn it, I love my clothes so much but that means taking a less active role in debating, so in the end, I decided, what I wear and my future education is more important than meeting people from other countries rather than being stuck in a room, NOT DEBATING but adjudicating. So screw you debaters, I wanna go shopping, though I may go for MDO, but then again not. But it is my 21st birthday, why do I have to turn 21 on the year that I have to be frugal!

Resolution 9: Stay away from any one who has a Macbook, iPad or Samsung Galaxy Tab

It only makes me jealous... very very jealous, should stop admiring what other people have. I should I remember that I come from a poor family that became a middle class/almost rich family, we have come a long way, I should be grateful for that and should work, plus and besides, its better to earn it than get it.

Ok, you think 9 resolutions is enough to keep? I mean is it too much? Should I be like cutting off some of the resolutions? I dunno, oh god, what am I to do if I bite off more than I can chew...