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Friday, June 13, 2008

The difference between classy and trashy III

There is even a part 3 for this, well stay tuned for more to come.
Part 3 is all about well, TV
You should have understood the hint rite?
So, TV is not about the series cause well, like I said we watch TV for entertainment
Doesn't matter what show we like or don't.
If its as great as those cool,unpredictable and suspense like Ugly Betty, Greys Anatomy'
Action packed like Lost, Heroes, Chuck
those boring chinese soaps where everything is predictable
those over-dramatic daytime soaps like General Hospital, Bold and the Beautiful or Neighbours

What matters is how you watch the damn thing
Do you even remember what happens and who are the actors playing them?
Do you know how to relate them between the show that htey are playing and the tabloids shown on E!?
Do you know which are the names of the characters and which are the names of the actors?
Okay, I am going to make an example out of an episode of Desperate Housewives
Its the tornado episode, 'Something's Coming'
Instead of the usual rating of Just Plain Trashy, Sucker For Trends and Classy Cat
I go for 3 new ratings Supreme SAKAI, annoying narrater, intelectual
Supreme Sakai is A (1 person)
Annoying narrater is B (1 person)
Intelectual is C (2 persons)
(To prove that manglish is seriously stupid, manglish words are in italic and manglish pronounciations is describe with a dash in the middle with each syllable)

Okay, lets start with the opening sequence.
Brenda Strong/Mary Alice Young narrates:
It was supposed to be a beautiful day, children should be playing in the park, husbands should be doing their chores, wives should be tending their gardens but at 2.15 p.m. a tornado arrives at Wisteria Lane. In just twenty-four short hours, one of the women will lose a husband and all of them would lose a friend.

A: Hah, what she talking about? Ang mo so chim oh. Hah? EEE, TOR-NAH-DO

B: Wah, beautiful day. Ei, why nobody one?What is that, typhoon? Owh tornado.

C: (shuts up and watches)

Next scene
Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) asks Karen McCluskey (Kathryn Joosten) to let her and her family squat on her house, Karen allows but confrontations began when Ida Greenberg's (Pat Crawford Brown) cat, Toby makes Tom Scavo (Doug Savant) have an asthma attack as Tom is allergic.

A: Hiya, kick the cat out la! Stupid ngiau nya ma, can get new one ma! Ei, why you laugh? Siao ah? What she say? EEE, TOR-NAH-DO

B: Aiyo, cat ah. Owh, the man got asthma lo. He die one liao. Tornado ai lai liao oh.

C: (shuts up, watches and laughs at the funny parts like when Karen tells Ida that the Scavo children are worse than the tornado)

Next scene,
Katherine Mayfair (Dana Delany) saws her husband's secret lover, Sylvia Greene (Melora Walters)
in her car. She confronts Sylvia and their bitter spat ended with a spat literally on Sylvia Greene.

A: Wahlao eh, pui chui nua oh. She so rude. Why se hate her so much till pui chui nua?

B: Wah lao, she pui chi nua, sio me sio gau ah neh kuan.

C: (shuts up, watches and laughs as the bitch spat unfolds)

Next scene,
Bree Hodge(Marcia Cross) invites Sylvia to her house to have a cup of tea, but out of despair. Sylvia locks herself into the room. The Mayfairs and The Hodges try to coax Sylvia out, but to no avail. As the tornado looms, in an act of desperation, they make the closet as shelter. Sylvia gets out trys to reveal her intention of coming here but just as she tried to reveal it, she was swept away by a tornado.

A: Wah, she fly oh. TOR-NAH-DO that powerful ah?

B: Wah she fly oh, She die liao. Guarentee she die liao.

C: (shuts up, watches, gasps when Sylvia is blown off and wonders what she is revealing, is she pregnant?)

Next scene.
Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria Parker) and Edie Britt (Nicolette Sheridan) are fighting over the papers on Carlos's secret Cayman Islands account. Edie locked her house but Gabrille breaks in by crushing her window and they took the fight outside, in the end, the papers are blown away by the wind.

A: Wahlao, she so strong ah. HAHA, the paper fly away, bo lui lo. Ei, which one is Gabrielle ah?
I thought she is Gabrielle leh. Why does the short girl call her E-BEE?

B: Wahlao, so strong ah. Wah paper fly away liao, bo lui lo. Cannot live here liao loh.

C: (shuts up and watches. Laughs at appropriate occasions)

Next scene
Carlos Solis (Ricardo Antonio Chivara) and Victor Lang (John Slattery) are fighting, a car flysover and lands in front of them. In the end, Just as Victor is about to end Carlos, he gets impaled by a picket fence and Carlos gets knocked in the head and goes out cold.

A: Wahlao, the TOR-NAH-DO so strong. The car fly, so ku. Wahlao, wood so very the sharp ah? Chak through the sin ku bo. Haha, kena KO.

B: Wah, the car fly boh. Ou-Ou, he die liao, he going to shoot him liao. Eh? What happened? Wahlao eh, wood so sharp chak through the sin ku, hao xiao eh. He die liao, wah got knocked on the head, dunno die or not.

C: (shuts up and watches the damn TV like any other normal person)

Final scene
Lynette finds out that Mrs. McClusky's house is completely obliterated. With Tom, Preston, Parker, Porter, Kayla, Penny and Ida trapped in it. Lynette gives a loud moan of sorrow.

A: Wahlao, the whole house boh thi khi, so very the ku man!

B: Wahlao, no house. Everybody in it die liao.

C: (shuts up, awes in the destruction of Mrs McClusky's house and awaits the verdict in the next episode)

After the show, A, B and C comment

A: I like the TOR-NAH-DO, so very the ku.

B: I dunno, so-so la

C: (discusses the plots and rabbits on in rapid speed and hyperventilating till the next episode.)

A: Eh, just now you so quiet one? Now you spiak ang mo and show off?

B: Ya loh, I thought you felt boring leh, so quiet one.

Ladies and gentleman,
the moral of this post is to

This awareness campaign is brought to you by,
and sponsored by
A Brendan Goh productions.

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